[alexandr]

We broke up about a month ago , she left to be with a friend of hers from school. She didnt respond my text one day after the breakup so i decided to just stop talking to her for a little over a month. We started texting again because i sent her a letter with a small birthday gift. We talked a little about how things are going and i told her that i was doing great and all these reat job oppurtunities have come along. She told me that she is getting a little behind in school and hasn’t been going out alot just home , school and alot of sleep.
The next few weeks we would text nothing really amazing more like sharing pictures and talking about them. She would initiate all of them. Mostly about a stuffed toy she gave me. She will disappear for a few days to a week and send something random like a message one time was ” I really want to buy this shirt but they are sold out” . Even though i already bought and its been sitting at my house but she will not let me see her so i can bring it to her. She will disappear again and then send an image of a place she ate ice cream at then another time a link to a facebook post about the stuffed toy character she gave me. Then one night she messaged me and told me to tell the stuffed toy that she misses him. She then disappears again for about a week. So i decided to message [i]her[/i] and wish her a happy easter. She responds very quick , then i try and start a conversation and ask how school was going but she ignores for 4 days She then responds with a few pictures of her school project and alot of messages 9 in total but 3 were pictures. The next day she sends a lot of messages again; this time asking my advice on her project , She started liking my instagram pics again as i did hers. The only other thing i notices is she had a post showing flowers he got her for valentines day, one thing was he never liked the post, and recently she took it down. He does still continue to like her posts except for the last one which was today.

I just dont know what to do is my mind reading in to things too much thinking she is slowly feeling the comfort of talking to me again? I am just trying to build some rapport again and want to ask her to meet eventually, just doesnt seem right timing yet.

Do i still continue to talk to her? Or stop talking to her? I do not want to give up! Please please please help she is just simply everything i wanted and cant imagine being with someone else.

[Ask April Masini]

How long were the two of you dating before you broke up?

Why did you break up?

And how old are you?

[alexandr]

I am 33yrs old and she is 22. We were together for 11months and she left me before for someone who she believed she had a great connection with so I told her to go then if that makes u happy. She was back to me in a month. Then we were back together for about 6 months till recently. She said because I’m not the same background as her. But I believe it’s because she believes we can’t have the passion we had when we first met. I regret so much now for not pushing more. I made a huge mistake I just need to talk to her and explain.

[Ask April Masini]

At a certain point, you’re going to have to ask her out on a date again. Timing will be important — it should be when she’s not that interested in her current boyfriend or if she’s broken up with him, or when things are going really well between the two of you. If you can get the date, then the door will be cracked open for you to try and get back together. In the meantime, I think you should keep talking to her, sending her little gifts, and being the kind of guy she wants back in her life.

However, there are two things you have to be conscious of. First, if she really means it when she says the two of you have dissimilar backgrounds and that’s a deal breaker for her, you should probably accept that and move on. Second, she’s young. And many 22 year olds don’t want the same type of commitment that a 33 year old guy like yourself may want. She may want to experiment and play the field, and if that’s the case, you should stay in touch, but accept she has some energy to burn before making another commitment to you.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[alexandr]

thank you, she is starting to send me responses with questions related to her work and my opinion on it, which i like because considering her new person is in the same field and she could easily ask him.

I dont think i am like most 33 yr old either. i look like im in my mid 20’s for one and nobody believes me when i tell them im 33. We are both in college still so we have that in common and im still in the fun having stage i am definetly not looking to settle down but i understand that she has to see whats out there. So i will continue to talk to her. I know if i can get her to meet me i can be very convincing lol. just need to get to that point just not sure how to get there. any help on that would be great!

I had an idea of asking her to help me look at some floor plans for a condo im looking at and get her opinion, seeing as she studies that field. thought it could be a good icebreaker to meet up and chat about. is that a bad idea?

[Ask April Masini]

Sounds like a good idea!

[alexandr]

I sent her a post about the character of the stuffed toy she gave me today. And she responded a few hours later with a post that she found of the same character and I made a joke about it and she laughed (lol).
She also showed me more pictures of her project and asked for advice again and she took it too and showed me the result. I left at that high point of the condo and said great job looks awesome! She said thanks with a smile face and I didn’t respond. I will text her in a few days if I don’t hear from her. It seems that posting things we find about this character is becoming a thing. So should I continue the sharing of posts I find since she responds well to it? And It involves the toy she gave me and the one she said she misses.

[Ask April Masini]

I think it’s a good idea. But make sure you also take care of yourself so you’re not obsessing about getting her back. This should be one of the irons you have in the fire. Play the field (you are single, after all!), and have some fun in your life. It won’t just be taking care of you, it will assure your not coming off as needy “between the lines” when you communicate with her. Women can tell if you’re desperate — or just confident and interested. Be the latter. Be the guy who wants her, but is okay if he doesn’t get her. 😉 It’s a good position from which to work.

[alexandr]

I am still taking care of myself, back at the gym like how I was when I first met her. Girls don’t come by easy tho they won’t give me a chance. It’s hard to let go of a girl who did and that I found to be everything I wanted. At this point I don’t even want to meet her. Mentally I feel fine and in a good space and I realized how I have to be if we get back together. Physically I’m not happy, maybe a few months when I start tanning and cutting, I’ll be more confident. Plus still have moments of crying so some days my eyes are looking tired and puffy I can’t let her see that.
I just can’t tell if she is starting to miss me/interested or she is just being polite when we text?

[Ask April Masini]

It’s great that you’re taking care of yourself. Keep going. Make sure you balance taking care of your body with taking care of yourself emotionally and spiritually. See friends, volunteer with people who have problems way worse than yours — or even animals in a pet shelter. If you go to church or some religious group, go. Start new hobbies, learn to play an instrument. Improve and nurture yourself — and when you’re ready, ask her out. That’s the one way you’re going to know for sure if she’s interested or not. 😉

[alexandr]

Well going out with friends are tough, they kinda are all married or in relationships that they won’t come out. I have a lot of work to keep me busy anyways, plus gym but it just gets boring sometimes not having someone to just call up and get a late night snack or watch a movie. I really can’t fit volunteer and stuff like that in my schedule at all right now with all my final assignments lol.

I actually asked her out twice a while ago but she said no. Then I stopped talking to her for a month and now have started talking a little as I’ve told you. Thanks for all your help, I hope I can still seek advice if things change as to what to do.
Something maybe silly to ask is she posted something on snap chat recently, is it too needy if I view it or should I not view it? Sorry for dumb question lol.

[Ask April Masini]

Not a dumb question at all. 😉 If you view it, and you’re not dating, you’re falling into the friend zone — which is why I think you should not view it.

[alexandr]

OK I did not view it. ☺
She continues to ask for advice on her project. She texted me around 7pm I responded an hour later but she didn’t respond till midnight. I waited about 30 min and responded and she responded then I responded again but ended it by just saying I hope everything works out and it would be nice to see the finished project and have a good night. Something along those lines anyway lol.
She responded again but I didn’t open I went to sleep. I only responded the following morning around 11.

Should I continue to engage in conversation with her at this time? Did I do the right thing? And can I do or say anything to move things along or do I just have to be patient? So many questions in my head lol

[Ask April Masini]

Re-read the advice I gave you last week. It’s pretty good. 😉

[quote]It’s great that you’re taking care of yourself. Keep going. Make sure you balance taking care of your body with taking care of yourself emotionally and spiritually. See friends, volunteer with people who have problems way worse than yours — or even animals in a pet shelter. If you go to church or some religious group, go. Start new hobbies, learn to play an instrument. Improve and nurture yourself — and when you’re ready, ask her out. That’s the one way you’re going to know for sure if she’s interested or not. 😉[/quote]

[alexandr]

OK, I understand but can I ask you if I feel like I am ready to meet, how do I know if it’s the right time to ask her out? As well as is there a time frame if I don’t do it soon do I risk her falling more for this guy if she’s spending more time with him?

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