[tracerrrsss]

I’m 19 and recently entered the world of flings and casual dating. I’ve been in two long term relationships but consider myself new to the dating scene because, well, my past has been full of extreme naivete and they were the only people I ever allowed myself to meet whereas now I’m seeing multiple persons a week. I’ve been seeing one particular person 10 years older than me for a couple of months now and am starting to have difficulty discerning what exactly is going on. When we first went on a date his language with me was very “future” minded…and it still is sometimes. But we only see each other once a week or every other week and only “talk” a couple times a week. He is always the initiator of texting and or meeting up. He is constantly telling me details about his life and future plans and schedules and what locations he will be at on certain dates. (He is a graduate med student on rotations…) He tells me about his friends but gives no names. He is extremely affectionate, giving me surprise kisses, etc. I’ve slept over his apartment several times…have my own toothbrush and towel there. We have done anything but have sex but I’m not sure why because verbal questioning nor physical initiation of penetration has not occured. I have been going into dating new people with a “this is just cool to get to know new people and who knows where it’ll go but it’ll be a good experience to know what makes up the kind of person you do want to end up with” so for him it began that way too but I have been starting to realize I’m attracted to him in every way. Now I’m wondering if I should cut it off silently to shield myself from pain of unreciprocated feelings or should I bring up my “What is going on here?” question to him. I don’t really know much about dating and especially don’t know if older people have a different agenda/approach to dating. I don’t know if I actually asked a person in his age range, it would be obvious to them what is going on here. I don’t know if I’m just the comfort and relief in contrast to his stressful and busy life. If I still had an easy going attitude to casually seeing him this wouldn’t matter so much but since I’m starting to develop feelings, care and desire to spend more time with him…I think it’s time for me to question to move on or confront him. What is it that adults do? Can adults tell what’s going on here? So…what I’m asking here is….what is the world of adult dating generally like? What’s going on here? Is it obvious? and How should I approach the ‘What is going on here’ question : confront him or just move on..? By the way, I’m not necessarily desiring an exclusive relationship or am on any one minded track at all, it’s just that I feel lacking of clarity which frustrates me. Thank you so much for anything you could contribute to my situation/advice for further venture in dating!!

[ankit]

As you were in two relationships in the past , consider yourself a pro not a beginner . It surely make some difference in one’s views as their age increases . As he is 10 yrs older to you , is a large gap ,it is possible that he is thinking of marriage and don’t find you to suit his req. or he thinks that you are too younger to him that’s why it wouldn’t be possible .
Clearly , ask him what he wants from your side? , what he thinks about you? Clear it off by asking whatever comes in your mind .

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Sally]

This guy likes you. The affection, the future talk, the toothbrush, the way he initiates that’s real. But he’s also moving very slowly and very carefully. Older doesn’t always mean clearer. Sometimes it means more guarded. Especially with someone younger, busy, and in a demanding career, he may be enjoying the connection without fully deciding what lane he’s in.

Adult dating isn’t as obvious as people make it sound. A lot of adults avoid labels until someone asks. So no, you’re not supposed to magically know.
What matters is that you’re starting to want clarity. That’s your signal. You don’t need to confront him or make it heavy. Just say something simple, like you’re enjoying this and starting to feel more invested and wanted to know how he sees it. His response will tell you everything.

Don’t disappear silently. That only protects you short-term and leaves questions hanging. Asking calmly isn’t needy it’s grown. And if he can’t meet you there, that’s information, not rejection.

[Member]

Posts