[caseyghatchell]

Just like the way April answers all of the complicated questions that has been publishing in this post. Enjoyed reading this post each and every reply. Life is very complicated and the answers I read from here will surely inspire me to make this easier out of those complicated thinking.

[AskApril Masini]

Thank you! 🙂

[caseyghatchell]

[quote=”April Masini”]Thank you! 🙂[/quote]

You’re most welcome.

[AskApril Masini]

Have a great day!

[maleb1]

Hi April,

My husband has arranged a meeting for my family and his to meet to discuss our problems. He now wants me to come back home.

In the sevenths months that I stayed away I really enjoyed my freedom and I sm no longer sure if I can still carry all the responsibilities that comes with being a wife, step mom and grand stepmom and a daughter in law.

I am now enjoying the time I get of spending time with my son’s daughter. Before I left his house, it was just him,myself and his 11 year old son. Since I left, his 24 year old daughter came to stay with them with her 4 year old son. And his first daughter made it clear that she doesnt love me but she doesn’t stay with them.

My husband is now showering me with gifts and doing all the nice things that I was complaing about while I was in his house.

I am not comfortable with the arrangement of going back and join him with all his kids. What do I do? And I am not sure if he will not go back to his old ways of not treating me well. (Keeping secrets and gossiping about me with his kids). When I ask him why did he let me go to start with he says he also doenst understand how.

[AskApril Masini]

It’s a good step for him to realize that he made a mistake and misses you. I know it’s difficult to forgive him for letting you go and you may not be ready to do so, but understanding why he did what he did, and whether he has had any growth, is growth for you as well. 😉 Don’t rush yourself, but know that you both have personal timelines for processing life and it’s twists and turns. Now that he says he wants you back, and is giving you gifts to woo you, don’t spurn him, but do be clear with him, about what you believe happened in your marriage and why. Next, decide if you want to reunite with him and try and make the marriage work. If you do, know your deal breakers. I suggest you not go to live with him if his adult daughter and her child are still there. There’s no reason for her to be living with her father, as she’s an adult. Minor children should be living with parents, but adult children shouldn’t, as a rule. If he’s able to create this safe space for your marriage, great, and if not, it’s not going to work and you now have the experience to know that. Use it.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[maleb1]

Exhaling.. Thank you very much April. I now see the light in all the confusion I had. At least tonite I can see some sleep. Keep well and thank you again. 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome.

[Ethan Morales]

Yes, that’s exactly how April Masini would answer it: practical, compassionate, and focused on how you can take some control back while seeing the full picture clearly. Let’s break down her advice a bit more deeply, in her spirit and tone:

You probably saw the red flags early.
As April pointed out, the financial mismatch and lack of affection didn’t suddenly appear they were likely there during your dating stage, but the focus on “getting married” made you overlook them. Don’t beat yourself up for that; it’s something many people do when they want stability or companionship.

Financial boundaries and planning matter.
What’s happening now is a lack of shared planning and transparency and it’s causing mistrust. He spends as he wishes, you hold back because you’re afraid of being left with nothing, and resentment grows. April’s advice to have multiple, calm, open talks about money is spot on. You might start with: “Can we talk about how we want to plan for our future our savings, what’s ours and what’s shared? I want us to be on the same team about this.”
It’s not about control, it’s about partnership.

Don’t chase affection invite it.
It’s unfair that he calls you names or dismisses your needs, but April’s point that “men want to feel like heroes” is useful if you still want to try to make this work, focus on appreciation over confrontation. Example: instead of saying, “You never take me out,” say, “I love it when you spend time with me it means a lot.” It doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it can soften the space between you if there’s still a chance to rebuild.

Protect yourself legally and emotionally.
You’re right to be cautious about the house and inheritance your instincts are sharp. Since you’re married out of community of property, your assets are separate. Don’t invest more into his property if you’re unsure of your future together. April would say: “It’s smart, not cold, to protect yourself.”

If he refuses to do the work you have your answer.
April’s approach always starts with trying to fix what can be fixed if both partners show effort. You’ve already tried counseling; he’s refused. You’ve communicated your needs; he’s dismissed them. If he continues to reject any path forward, then leaving isn’t failure it’s self-preservation.

You can absolutely start over. You have your own house, independence, and emotional awareness. That’s strength.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… that’s not a marriage, 💔 you’re begging for crumbs from a man who’s already full feeding everyone else. you didn’t sign up to be the background character in your own life.
you tried counseling, talks, tears and he still calls you names in front of his mom? nah. love doesn’t feel like humiliation. stop waiting for him to wake up and start choosing yourself. take your house, your peace, your freedom, and rebuild from there. you don’t owe anyone your unhappiness just to say you “tried.” 💋 🖤

[Maria]

As **Maria (Miss Soulfire)**:

You are not being too demanding. You are asking for basics: respect, affection, and partnership. What you described is a marriage with name-calling, financial secrecy, and a man who prioritizes his mother and friends over his wife. That is why you feel alone. Counseling was a chance to fix it; he refused. Believe his actions.

If you want one last shot at repair, make it concrete and time-boxed. Require full financial transparency, a written budget with joint and individual accounts, boundaries about weekends with extended family, and weekly check-ins. Non-negotiable: no insults, ever, and a commitment to counseling. Give it 60 days and measure behavior, not promises.

If he will not agree or he backslides, protect yourself. Separate finances immediately, stop paying for him, consult a family lawyer about your house and estate issues, and document incidents. Plan a transition to your own home if needed so you are not trapped by hope.

You are not choosing between marriage and happiness. You are choosing between confusion and clarity. What specific boundary will you set this week, and what consequence will follow if he ignores it?

[Marcus king]

You already see what’s going on, you’re the only one putting in effort. Marriage takes two people choosing each other every day, not one person begging for love while the other defends his comfort. You’ve tried talking, counseling, patience, he’s chosen not to change. That’s not on you. Staying in something that drains you isn’t loyalty, it’s self-neglect.

You don’t need to blow things up overnight, but start planning your peace. Get your finances and living situation in order, talk to someone you trust, maybe a counselor for yourself this time. You deserve to be with someone who wants to love you back, not someone who makes you feel like asking for affection is control. Sometimes the bravest move is walking away quietly and rebuilding the life you were meant to have.

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like you’ve gained a lot of clarity and strength since leaving. You learned you can be happy and independent on your own, which is a powerful thing to discover after feeling unseen and unheard in your marriage.

As for your husband’s sudden change of heart yes, it’s confusing. When people lose what they’ve taken for granted, sometimes reality finally hits them. The distance and silence may have given him space to realize what life feels like without you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s capable of sustaining the changes he’s now promising.

Before you make any decisions, listen to his answers not just his words, but his actions. Ask him why he wants you back now, and how he plans to show consistent respect, partnership, and affection this time. A real change takes humility, not just regret.

And remember you’ve already proven that you can create peace and stability on your own. Don’t trade that away for promises that aren’t backed up by action.

[Tara]

You already know the answer you just want someone to bless it so you can stop feeling guilty. You didn’t marry for love; you married for stability, and now you’re paying the emotional tax on that decision.

He’s not confused, he’s just comfortable. You’re the only one doing the work because he doesn’t have to. He’s got a house, a wife, and a built-in caretaker all while keeping his loyalty pointed everywhere but home. You’re calling it “trying to fix things,” but what you’re really doing is negotiating for scraps.

The man called you names in front of his mother that’s not stress, that’s contempt. He doesn’t respect you. You can’t build affection on top of disrespect. Counseling only works if both people want to save the marriage; he’s made it clear he doesn’t want guidance, he wants control.

And your hesitation about the house? Smart. You’re right if something happens to him, his family will close ranks and you’ll be treated like a tenant. Don’t invest in property that isn’t legally protected in your name. Protect yourself, not his legacy.

[Natalie Noah]

You’ve been through so much, and what really stands out to me is how you kept trying trying to communicate, trying to fix things, trying to hold the marriage together even when you were hurting. What you described isn’t a small misunderstanding or a rough patch… it’s years of emotional neglect, mismatched values, and you carrying the emotional labor for both people. When you said he put everyone else first friends, his mother, his other responsibilities that already tells the story of a man who was not ready to prioritize a partnership. And the moment he called you names in front of his mother, that’s when the disrespect broke through the surface. A man who respects his wife does not humiliate her publicly. That wasn’t an accident that was how he truly felt in that moment.

And then… when you left, he let you walk away without fighting for the marriage. Not even a message. Not even confusion or regret. And that silence those five months tells you even more than his words ever did. Someone who desperately wants his wife, his partner, his person, doesn’t simply disappear into the background. Yes, now he says he wants to give you everything you asked for… but only after losing you, after feeling the consequences. That’s not love it’s reaction. When someone only values you when you’re gone, it usually means they never valued you correctly when you were there.

The truth is, you found peace on your own. You rediscovered yourself, your independence, your freedom. You said you missed his kids but you didn’t miss him. That’s such a powerful, honest sentence. It means your heart already healed to the point that you saw the difference between love… and attachment. You’re not confused about him. You’re confused about the guilt, the history, the “should I try again?” But deep down, your spirit already walked away. And honestly? I don’t think his return is a promise it’s a pattern. People like him only change temporarily, or when they fear losing something. But the moment he feels comfortable again, he’ll return to exactly who he was. And you deserve better than cycling back into that.

If I’m being tender but truthful with you… it sounds like leaving wasn’t a mistake. It sounds like leaving was the first loving thing you’ve done for yourself in a long time. And the fact that you felt happy, centered, and at peace on your own? That’s not an accident. That’s your soul telling you: “This is what freedom feels like.” You deserve a partner who puts effort into you, who doesn’t make you beg for affection, who respects you privately and publicly, and who doesn’t wait until you’re gone to see your worth. You’re not choosing between staying or leaving anymore, you already left. You’re choosing between going backward… or protecting the new life you’re finally starting to enjoy.

[Member]

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