[Maria3434]

Hi April,
I really enjoy your web site. I’m wondering if you can help me with a touchy situation. We’ve been married 3 years, but my husband and I have never really been that close in the bedroom. My husband has always acted like a jerk in the bedroom. When he’s done, that’s it. He never seems to be concerned about me. I know he loves me, but in the bedroom it seems to always be about him. He’s never asked me about my likes and dislikes. The truthof the matter is I’ve never been completely satisfied in the bedroom with him. My husband isn’t into foreplay, he doesn’t last very long, and he’s small down below at 4.5 inches erect (I’ve never really enjoyed penetrative sex with him). I want to tell him that I would like to be more adventurous without hurting his feelings because I am not really happy with our sex life. He has no clue how I feel about this, I think, and I’m wondering what I can do to make things better for me without hurting his ego. Please help. Thanks. – Maria

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If he’s [i]always[/i] been like this, then the real question is what about [b]you[/b] is changing so that what’s been the status quo for over three years, is [u]now[/u] no longer okay for you. ❓

However, if you want to try and improve your sex life, there ARE lots of things you can do….. and you’re on the right track when you ask what you can do without hurting his feelings. 😉

Men are very visual, so if you change what he sees, you’ll most likely change the sexual experience for both of you. You can start with new lingerie, personal grooming, a new hair color and setting the scene with candles, music, fragrance, flowers, sensual foods and wines, etc. Not only will this turn him on, it will get you in the mood, too. 😎

Become the vixen you left at the altar! Get sexy and watch him respond. X-rated phone calls, love letters with suggestions about the night to come, and reminders that you find him hot will surely get his motor running — and yours, too. 😉

Next, you can change the experience you’re both having by introducing activities that are sexier than what you’ve been doing. Massage — either on each other or done in tandem by professionals, is a great way to unwind and relax. Hotel dates — for a night or a weekend are another way to let go of the stress of the day and the mundane — and become that sexy person you used to be when you first fell for each other.

Consider the book I wrote for couples who want to put the X back in their sex lives: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. It’s got great dates designed to get the juices flowing — and you can follow the instructions, or go “off book” and riff on the ones I write about.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Maria3434]

It never has been okay for me. I act satisfied to please him. I believe he thinks he’s got the biggest mojo in town, and I would hate to attack his ego like that just for me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you should “attack” his ego — but I’m surprised that you’ve put up with bad sex for the entire length of your three years of your marriage, and are only now wanting to change things.

Try the suggestions I made, and see if they help at all. 🙂

[Tina80]

Maria – I feel so sorry for you. I don’t know what to say except that if it’s not really happening down there, YOU need to make some changes. He’s not going to. My husband is barely 5 inches erect and not very big around, and we have a wonderful sex life together although I was disappointed at first. Just because he’s small or short doesn’t mean he will be a bad lover. I know from experience. There are lots of thing you can do to have a happy sex life with your husband without having direct intercourse, and usually direct intercourse is just the icing on the cake (well, for me anyway). Good luck.

[karen21]

Thanks April for posting this. I love your site by the way. I think if Maria takes your’s and Tina’s advice, she will be a happy wife. I should know. I was not a virgin when I got married, but my husband and I didn’t consumate our relationship until the wedding night. When I saw my husband naked for the first time, I was surprised, my heart kinda sank, and I felt disappointed (he’s under five inches down below also and not very thick), but I started out doing things like what you and Tina suggested above (that’s the way it’s been since), and we’ve had a wonderful sex life. Just don’t give up Maria.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks, [b]karen21[/b].

[sethlitton]

Hi April. I appreciate all that you do. This is an awesome site. Anyway, from what statistics have shown me, only 10% of guys fall into this size range. Maybe she should have checked things out a little more closely before she tied the knot if it’s that big of an issue. You don’t have to have sex to find out what’s going on down there.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Agreed. But now she’s married and three years into the marriage. You’re absolutely right, [b]sethlitton[/b]. And anyone reading can learn from this situation and apply the lesson to their own relationship. But for this person posting, she has to get creative and make things work within the parameters of a marriage that is otherwise good. 😕

[glittergirlleigh]

Hey April!
Like Seth said, only 10% fall below 5 inches, and, although the odds are very much against it, you still need to be careful and not end up like Maria, although I believe she still has many options. My first somewhat-serious boyfriend told me he was well-endowed after we started dating. Eventually, I came to find out he was barely 4 3/4 inches. He wasn’t truthful with me, and that kind of broke my heart. But I did find this out without even having sex with (I’m so glad I didn’t). At that point he turned into a jerk on me. We didn’t last much longer after that. I’m just thankful I found out before we went and got married. Thanks April! I love your site. – Laura

[ddellis]

Hello April. It seems like the ladies here aren’t very shy. Anyway, I just want say that there is someone for everyone out there. Life is full of variety so there you go. Also, Maria just needs to get over it. Marriage is more than that.

[trish222]

Hi April. I want to help these ladies by telling them they can work at their problems. Unfortunately sometimes they end up getting the short end of things, and for every women dealing with this, there are solutions. I don’t know much about tantra stuff but I did come across a site that helped me and my man. Jennifer Lawless has an article called “6 Penetrating Positions for a Small *****”, and it has helped us. There are other articles too that will help if this one doesn’t. Thanks April. – trish

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Wow! Thanks for everybody’s input. Very helpful! 😀

[lauraz]

April, I like your unique site. Browsing through I’ve gotten some really good and sincere information and advice. Thank you! I have a question about “Tantra” – is that the same thing as “Kama Sutra”? Trish222 referenced a very good article, but it’s based on Kama Sutra and not Tantra right? Is there a difference between the two or are they one in the same? Just wondering. Thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You know, that’s really a sex question, and my expertise is in relationships. I don’t want to steer you wrong, so I’m going to have to say, I don’t know! Try a sex column or some research in sex education.

[Member]

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