[amergirl_08]

So I meet a guy about 2 months ago, we started talking and after a few weeks we decided to go out. We had a great first date and subsequently went on 9 dates during the next 3 weeks. During this time he was constantly texting me and seem to have a real interest in me. On the last date things went to the next level and we had sex. The next day he seemed differently towards me, like never asking anything about me for the day and seeming very disinterested. I, at that point may or may not have jump to an conclusion and asked if he was giving me the next day brush off. He said he was busy doing stuff with his dad and that I was acting weird. I said okay and sorry and that I do tend to over think things. He continued being distance the rest of the day. The next day he did text me first to complain about the snow we had got that he knew I was loving. And then told me he had the flu. This was only 4 text msgs between us and the rest of the day he was quiet. I did text him later to ask if he was feeling better and he said no. So at this point I thought maybe the quietness was because he was sick. The next morning I had noticed he had posted a lot of crap on facebook, which made me think if he was well enough to do that he could’ve talked to me some. I then had a meltdown, and sent him a text saying that he seemed differently towards me and I guess I needed to bow out gracefully. He responded with you do overthink things and ok. I said that in the past when people suddenly got distance, there was a reason. He then said I was accusing him of being a liar. I then told him I wasn’t, just I thought his feelings had changed. I apologized saying I shouldn’t judge him by the men in my past, that my uncle had just passed away a few weeks earlier and that my mother had 4 days earlier been diagnosed with cancer(something I hadn’t told him before) and that maybe I wasn’t in the best emotional shape that morning.

Later that day I texted an another apology, he said it’s ok just take some time off to get over things. I said I think it was just a temporary meltdown and I was just having a bad day. I then asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone. He responded with no but that we need to take things “easy”, and that my meltdown had made him realize 2 things. One maybe I wasn’t over an ex and two that maybe this was getting more serious than he was ready for. I agreed that we had been probably moving too fast and that I would still like to hang out with him. He then said yeah we can totally still be friends. I later mentioned that I had always had a suspicion that he wasn’t over an ex. He quickly got defensive on the subject and said he had been over her since the middle of December. Sensing that I was starting to make him mad I ended the conversation for the day and honestly figured that was it between us.

Suprisingly the next day he texed me, asked me how my day was and I asked him if he was feeling better . I kept it brief, let the conversation drop quickly at the first part it seemed ok to do so, not wanting to push things. The next day I texted him first, again we exchanged pleasantries for the day and he let the conversation drop at an ok place. Hours later I texted him saying that if he still wanted to go see that movie he had wanted to see, that I still like to go with him. He responded with Yeah that sounds good, I responded with a smiley.

That was Thursday night and today is Saturday. I knew he was going a weekend trip to visit friends, so I thought I’d leave him alone and give him some space. He has not contacted me either.

I have to say, he is in a bit of a life crisis of his on right now. He lost his job a few months back, decided to move to where all his family is. He has only lived here a few months at a time during his life. Culturally people are very different to what he is use to and he is having a hard time adjusting. He left a son on the other side of the country. And he isn’t having any luck finding a job here and is still staying with relatives. He has been applying for jobs all across the country now. All of this is why I agreed that maybe we were moving too fast, I think he needs to settle some.

I have so many questions. Was he giving my the brush off the next day? Does he want to take things”easy” meaning slow down or just be “friends”. Does he really want me to just go away and was just being nice and trying not to hurt my feelings. Why would he contact me the next day acting normal again? Should I contact him anymore? Does he think I just want to be friends since I use the term “hang out” first. I’m so confused!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote] have so many questions. Was he giving my the brush off the next day? Does he want to take things”easy” meaning slow down or just be “friends”. Does he really want me to just go away and was just being nice and trying not to hurt my feelings. Why would he contact me the next day acting normal again? Should I contact him anymore? Does he think I just want to be friends since I use the term “hang out” first. I’m so confused!![/quote]

Let’s be honest here. You’re not confused. You’re disappointed. He’s not doing what you’d like him to be doing, so you’re trying to come up with reasons for his behavior instead of seeing the bigger picture here. And…. you’re not giving him a chance to chase after you — which is what guys do when they want you.

So first of all, no more texting him first and inviting him to the movies. Let HIM be the one to go after you IF he wants to. That’s the best way to know if he wants to date you any more. 😉

Now, for your questions!

[quote]Was he giving my the brush off the next day?[/quote]

Yes.

[quote] Does he want to take things”easy” meaning slow down or just be “friends”.[/quote]

It was his way of trying to get you to back down. If you let him do the leading in the relationship, you’ll get a good idea of what it is he wants. He’s telling you he wants to take things easy because he didn’t want any drama if he doesn’t contact you.

[quote]Does he really want me to just go away and was just being nice and trying not to hurt my feelings. [/quote]

Possibly. But the way to find out is to back off and see if he comes back to you or not. Try it. I know it’s potentially disappointing, but it’ll save you a lot of time and confusion. 😉

[quote] Why would he contact me the next day acting normal again?[/quote]

Because he had a good night, or a good day. You’re still getting to know each other. You met him 8 weeks ago, and have dated him for three of those eight weeks. Try and get to know him instead of trying to steer the relationship. 🙂

[quote]Should I contact him anymore? [/quote]

Definitely not. If he calls, you can return the call — but do not chase him! It takes the opportunity to chase you, away from him, and it robs you of a clear picture of whether or not he wants to date you any more.

[quote]Does he think I just want to be friends since I use the term “hang out” first.[/quote]

Possibly. Don’t offer to hang out if what you really want to do is date! It confuses you, him and everyone involved!

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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