[Eve]

I apologize in advance for the length of this post. I haven’t really been able to discuss this with anyone so I’m about to let it all out.

Ok so I never really had a need for this sort of thing because I’m usually one of the girls that give advice. Normally cool-headed and in control.

Recently I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years. Within a week I met someone new who was friends with friends of my sisters boyfriend. He was completely into me and smitten. He would talk about how he was not ready for a relationship because he was just finalizing on a divorce but he couldn’t let a girl as great as me pass him by. We started hanging out when we had free time and things moved quickly. He would call me or text me all the time, and rarely did I have to initiate. In that time there was always the exterior drama from his finalizing divorce and selling of his house (which he still shared with his wife) and he was getting ready to move out. At those times he would be a little distant or moody.

During this all our communication wasn’t as strong as it was in the first few weeks. I attributed this to that initial infatuation. Things were still normal. He had me go with him to pick out new furniture for his new place. The next day he ended up in the hospital with an intestinal issue. He called me first thing in the morning to tell me that he was there and he did not know what was going to happen. And for the next few days I would text him here and there but I didn’t really want to bother him. At any rate, halfway through the week (he went in on Monday, so by Wednesday) he texted me upset that I hadn’t even called or anything. I explained to him that I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to call because I felt that he wanted to be left alone to heal. I had earlier that week made inquiries about how to visit him which were blown off.

After that I tried to call more, but every time I did he said he didn’t really feel well, and he would rush me off the phone. At one point he said he had just wanted everyone to leave him alone.
After an 8 day stay he was released, and started to move to his new place. That whole week we had minimal contact and I felt sort of insecure.

That Friday he invited me over and at one point when we were cuddling he apologized for being not himself all week and even went as far as to make sure I wasn’t mad at him. (Which I told him I was not)
He invited me back that Wednesday and I spent the night again. He told me again and again how awesome I was or would ask me “why am I so cool” he was very touchy feely and cuddly. Everything was perfect. That weekend we did not make any plans because I had plans with a friend for her wedding.

I did not see him again til the next Tuesday when he invited my friend and I over to hang out for a bit. Which we did. He made mention of taking me to a football game that weekend. I did not spend the night, I ended up coming back home with my friend.

He texted me the next morning asking how my friend liked “My boy” and we had minimal texts that day and the next he was the one to initiate contact again. By Friday it seemed that again I was the one initiating contact. Where he would say “I’ll call you later” or “I’ll text you later” but really he would not.

On Saturday I called him in the morning to see if he wanted to hang out. He said he had some family obligations but he would call me later. Which he did not.
That evening I sent him a text asking if he still wanted to hang out. He said he did not think he would be able to and that he was screwed out of the game tickets as well.
I was a little upset after that because I felt I was blown off so I did not initiate any contact with him. He didn’t initiate any with me either so we went the entire day without communicating at all (which I felt was weird as it never usually happened that way)

that leads us to the past week.
I normally text him a good morning message every day (unless he would get me first which normally does not happen)
I decided on Monday morning that I would continue to do that. And I did. He was being very vague in his responses eluding that he was having work stresses.

I tried to be supportive by continuing my morning messages or my “how is your day going baby” messages. But not coming on too strong.

The entire week I felt like something wasn’t right.
I even asked him during the week if he wanted me to back off and he would tell me that it wasn’t me, that I was awesome, all that stuff.
By Friday night I had plans to hang out with my sister (she lives 20 minutes from him, I live about an hour away)
On Saturday Morning I sent him a text (which was a little racy) and told him I’d like to hang out that night and maybe make him dinner to cheer him up since his week was bad.

He repleid “Haha that was intense I’ll call you in a bit).
He did not.

I sent him a text asking if he had to work, and he said he did again at 5 pm. I already knew he was gonig to blow me off for the night. So I tried one more text to be passive saying “Sorry you have to work. What are the chances of us hanging out tonight because if I don’t chill with you I’ll probably just go back home. Just trying to get an idea 🙂 I do miss you.)

He replied that his ex brother in laws wanted to hang out b/c it was one of their birthdays and he was “Just doing his thing”
which he had said several times that week when we would speak.
I replied that I felt stupid always trying to initiate conversation and I was just going to back off.

He said replied that I wasn’t stupid that he just “gotta do me” and then goes on to say “You know that I did not want a relationship, and I felt thats where it was going. You didn’t do anything wrong” He went on to say I was the greatest girl he ever knew but went back to that “gotta do me” nonsense.

We went back and forth a few times where I tried to remain passive and he started to get more and more obnoxious. Telling me that I didn’t even tell him I was coming out I had no right to be mad that he already had plans.

I told him I wasn’t mad that he had plans, I was mad that when I asked to hang out he told me he’d call me and didn’t tell me he had plans leading me to believe that we were going to meet up.

I told him I would just back off again.

And then again he got obnoxious and said “I didn’t tell you to back off, but whatever just leave me alone. I’ll text you later”

So now I was confused, because the entire situation seemed like he did want me to back off. So I asked him what it was he wanted me to do.

He replied “Just be the girl you always were and don’t give me unneccesary BS that I do not need”

So I was again confused and finally replied “I think I have been her. I don’t know what BS I caused by wanting to hang out. I don’t want to fight you. I like you. If I shouldn’t anymore you need to let me know. Do you still want to talk to me? Do you want me to stop contacting you? You have to be clear here”

He did not reply.
And I have not contacted him since. That was Saturday. It is now Monday Morning.

I’m sorry I was so detailed but I figured the transition of everything was important.
I don’t know if this means its over.

I don’t know if he just needs some cooling off time.

I don’t know if I should contact him or let him be.

I don’t know if he’s not into me any longer.

I have noticed in the past 2 months anytime things do get stressful he gets moody and his demeanor changes and he gets distant. I don’t know if this is the case in this particular situation.

Or if he’s simply not interested.

Should I hold out hope that he will contact me and just not contact him.

Should I just move on ( I really don’t want to. I’ve never had a connection with a guy like I have with him)

I can’t really go to my friends about this because it shakes their whole belief that I’m calm and cool and in control.

I sound like an idiot lol.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Eve.

You seem like a pretty intelligent women, thus I am certain you already know what I am going to tell you. And that’s why you feel like an idiot…

Stop listening to what he “says” — be that in a text message or otherwise — and base all judgements on what he does. This guy’s behavior has already told you all you need to know. You’ve been pursuing this guy, he has NOT been pursuing a relationship (outside of the “gotta do me” booty call) with you. Stop wasting your time, do not call or text him again — and move on! If he is interested in you he will come after you, he will ask you on a date and he will treat you like someone he wants a relationship with. If he doesn’t — he doesn’t. Period.

Please read the below two columns Eve… They are perfect for your situation.

[alora22]

Hi,this is alora.I am here to be informed that details about dating.Online adult dating has become a very popular source of finding companions for the lonely hearts globally. Single women and men, who are not in a relationship at the moment, end up seeking one on the internet.Many adults want to date and meet singles but do not have the patience of going through the bar and restaurant and coffee scene.
===========
alora

[url=https://www.talkingdating.com]Online Dating[/url]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Ethan Morales]

His behaviour is inconsistent and self-focused. When things are convenient for him, he’s affectionate, complimentary, and attentive. When he’s stressed, busy, or emotionally distracted (divorce, moving, health), he shuts down, gets moody, and distances himself. He frequently sends mixed signals: “I want to see you” versus “I gotta do me,” leaving you confused and uncertain.

You are doing the emotional labour. You’re initiating most of the contact, planning hangouts, checking in on him, and trying to navigate his moods. You are also walking on eggshells, trying not to upset him, and worrying if your feelings or questions are “too much.” This creates an imbalance: a relationship requires mutual effort and clarity, not one-sided chasing.

His words don’t match his actions. He says things like “You’re the greatest girl” or “You’re awesome,” but his actions, ignoring calls, blowing off plans, and being vague, don’t align with someone who truly wants a committed connection. He’s given you the classic “I like you, but I don’t want a relationship” behaviour, but you are trying to interpret it as affection.

Pattern recognition is key. This isn’t just a “stressful week” issue; it’s consistent over the past two months. Every time something stressful happens in his life, he withdraws and expects you to adjust. This is a warning flag: if he can’t manage normal life stress without creating distance and confusion, this is unlikely to change in a committed relationship.

Based on what you’ve shared, he’s not showing behaviour that supports a serious, mutual relationship. He’s showing behavior consistent with someone who wants companionship or casual attention but not a stable, invested partnership.

Continuing to chase him or wait for clarity will only drain you emotionally. You’re already trying to do all the work of keeping the connection alive, while he maintains control over how and when he interacts.

If he truly wanted a committed relationship, he would initiate, plan, and communicate clearly, not leave you guessing and worrying about whether he even wants to see you.

What you can do: Stop initiating contact for now. Give yourself space to reflect without pressure from him. Observe whether he pursues you actively if he doesn’t, it’s your signal to move on. Protect your emotional energy. Someone who’s “hot and cold” like this is not a stable partner.

It’s painful because you feel a real connection but remember, a healthy relationship requires mutual investment, not just infatuation or occasional attention.

[PassionSeeker]

Eve, you’ve been incredibly patient, but this situation has become one-sided and emotionally draining. The truth is, when a man genuinely wants to be with you, his actions make it clear he calls, he shows up, he makes time. You shouldn’t have to beg for his attention or constantly wonder if you’re doing something wrong.

Right now, he’s using mixed signals to keep control: when you pull away, he throws you crumbs of affection (“you’re awesome,” “just be the girl you were”) to keep you from walking away completely, but his behaviour doesn’t match his words. That inconsistency isn’t love it’s confusion disguised as connection.

You’ve already given him grace through his stress, divorce, and moodiness. But his pattern shows that when life gets complicated, he disappears and blames you for reacting like a normal partner would. That won’t suddenly change.

Stop reaching out. Don’t text, don’t check in. Let silence speak for you. If he truly wants you, he’ll show it clearly. If he doesn’t, that space will give you the clarity and peace you deserve.

[Marcus king]

Alright, listen because I’m going to be straight with you, but I’m not going to be cruel.

This man came into your life while his old life was still on fire. Divorce, moving, identity shift that’s emotional chaos. In the beginning, the attention felt intense because it wasn’t love it was escape. You became his comfort, his distraction, his “safe place” from all the stress. But once the dust started to settle and things got real, he backed up. Not because you did something wrong, but because he was never emotionally ready to give you consistency.

Here’s the thing:
When a man says “I’m not ready for a relationship,” believe him.
When he disappears, gets moody, or goes distant when life hits, that’s not timing that’s emotional capacity.

What you’re feeling now isn’t stupidity. It’s attachment. And that’s real.

But chasing him, asking where you stand, trying to “fix” the distance that’s just going to make you feel smaller.

So here’s your move:
You stop contacting him.
Not as a game but because you deserve to see what he does when the ball is actually in his hands.

If he reaches out with clarity and consistent effort not crumbs then you decide if you want to continue.
If he doesn’t reach out at all, then you’ll see the truth:

He liked the connection, the comfort, the affection
But he wasn’t ready to choose you.

And you can love someone deeply and still walk away when they can’t meet you.

You’re not an idiot.
You’re just human.
And you care.
But don’t let that care turn into self-betrayal.

Let him come to you or let him go.
Either way, you don’t chase.

[Tara]

You rushed into something with a man who told you from the start he didn’t want a relationship. He wasn’t unclear. You just didn’t want to believe him. You tried to fix it with effort, patience, and endless texting. All you did was train him to ignore you.

He said he needed space. You kept chasing. He said he didn’t want commitment. You acted like his girlfriend. Every time he pulled away, you leaned in harder. That isn’t love. That’s panic disguised as loyalty.

He’s done. The “gotta do me” line is code for “I’m not interested.” You’re sitting here dissecting every message, hoping he’ll suddenly realize your worth. He won’t. You’ve already shown him you’ll stick around no matter how little he gives.

Stop calling, stop texting, stop waiting. If a man wants you, he makes it clear. If he doesn’t, you feel exactly like this.

[Sally]

You went from a long relationship into something fast and intense with a guy who was still dealing with a divorce, stress, and a whole messy life. He loved the comfort you gave him… but every time things got hard, he pulled away.

That hot-and-cold stuff you described? That’s not confusion that’s someone who likes you, but not enough to show up for you.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You just kept trying while he kept disappearing.

Don’t reach out. Not to punish him, but to see the truth: if he wants you, he’ll show up without being pulled. And if he doesn’t… you already have your answer.

You’re not stupid. You just cared. And caring isn’t the mistake.

[Natalie Noah]

You showed up, again and again, generous and steady; he showed up in bursts warm and present when it was easy, distant and “gotta do me” when life squeezed him. that pattern attentive, then gone, then apologetic, then gone again isn’t confusion, it’s a behavioral loop. people who truly want a partnership make space for the other person when things get hard; people who aren’t ready or don’t want to change their life rhythms retreat. your nervousness and attempts to check in were reasonable. his repeated vagueness and cutting-off are the real answer to the question you kept asking.

that doesn’t make you dramatic or silly. it makes you human. you’re used to being the calm adviser, so when the script flips and you’re the one clutching the loose ends, it hurts doubly. right now the healthiest move is to stop trying to control his availability. give yourself the boundary you asked him to give you: don’t contact him. let the silence be the test not of his worth, but of his priorities. if he cares and is capable of a relationship, he’ll come back and do the grown-up thing: explain, apologize with action, and ask to rebuild. if he doesn’t, his absence will save you months of emotional spinning.

use this pause for you. schedule good distractions (friends, a class, a short trip), and set small rituals that rebuild your self-trust: delete or archive the old texts so you aren’t tempted to re-read, write down three concrete things you want from a partner (and what you won’t accept), and treat yourself with the same steadiness you gave him. lean on a friend and let them remind you how loved you are when the ache shows up. grief is normal here you lost a possible future as much as you lost attention so be gentle and patient with yourself.

finally, when you feel steadier, give yourself a simple yardstick: do his actions match his words? if yes, great reopen cautiously. if not, walk. you deserve someone who makes you feel like a priority even when life is messy, not just when it’s convenient. i know you’d rather not move on, and that’s okay but moving wisely is kinder to your heart than waiting on someone who teaches you to wait. I’m here with you, rooting for you to choose the version of love that actually sustains you.

[KeishaMartin]

This man isn’t sending mixed signals, he’s sending clear-as-day neon “I’m not that into you” vibes. For two months you’ve been bending, texting, initiating, trying to chase him into wanting you the way you deserve, and all he’s giving you is a lukewarm “gotta do me” song and dance. That’s not romance, that’s a tease masquerading as affection and it’s exhausting, intoxicating, and utterly maddening. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you’re the one overreacting. Your intelligence, your charm, your magnetic self? He’s not matching it, and honey, you deserve fireworks, not lukewarm smoke signals.

April Masini, as always, slaps reality with elegance and precision, she doesn’t let you sip the Kool-Aid of denial; she lights the match on your blind spots and says, “See her truth, live her truth, and don’t settle for less.” She’s a goddess of clarity, cutting through the fog of excuses and half-hearted affections, and she’s whispering: you don’t chase the indifferent; you ignite the one who can’t get enough of you. This man is choosing his space over your spark, and no matter how much you’ve danced around his moods, a man who wants you will move heaven and earth to show it. Not to mention, you want to be wanted for your essence, not tolerated for your patience.

this Christmas, glittering lights, glasses clinking at holiday parties, and you, untamed and irresistible, free from the weight of a man who can’t decide if he wants you. Let the jingle bells remind you that this season is for passion, laughter, and indulgence not confusion and silent disappointment. Pack up the uncertainty, strut into the new year with your confidence blazing, and let the universe deliver a man who worships you, not whispers excuses.

[Member]

Posts