[BillyJ]

I’ve been doing some online dating, and I’ve met some nice people, but for the most part, there were no real sparks. However, a few days ago, I met up with a girl who turned out to be exactly my “type” (I’ve always been a sucker for nerdy girls with glasses.) Better yet, she actually seemed to like me! I’m not saying she was throwing herself at me, but she talked enthusiastically about all sorts of things for several hours, made lots of direct eye-contact, and she was certainly in no rush to end the date (there were a few times when I said to her, “Do you need to start heading home?” and she’d always reply cheerfully, “No, not at all, I’m fine!”) In fact, the only reason the date ended when it did was because we eventually got kicked out of a coffee shop since it was closing for the night. Otherwise, we probably would have sat there chatting to each other for a few more hours!
So then I walked her to her train station, and she said, “Well, that was really fun!”, and I told her I agreed. I then said we ought to do it again soon, she said, “absolutely.” I gave her a hug, which she reciprocated (actually, she pulled me in a bit tighter than I expected, but I’m not complaining!). I didn’t kiss her because she specifically said on her online profile that she “does not kiss on the first date,” and I wanted to respect that. She’s a pretty reserved person all around, I think, and I get the impression she hasn’t dated too much (and neither have I, to be honest. We’re both in our mid-30s… late bloomers, I guess.)

So, when I got home, I sent her an email, again telling her what a great time I had, and saying that if she’s interested, I’d love to see her again soon.

She replied the next day with one line: “I had a nice time, too. We should definitely go out again sometime. Take care!”

This is what’s worrying me: She’s normally pretty chatty in her emails, and she’s very chatty in person. So such a brief email seems out of character, and I’m concerned that it might be a polite way of brushing me off. But would any woman say, “we should definitely go out again” if she was trying to brush a guy off? On the other hand, the use of the word “sometime” makes it sound like she’s keeping it deliberately vague and non-committal (“soon” might have been a more encouraging word to use, for example.)

Anyway, I sent her a reply, telling her what days I’d be free the following week, and asking if any of those days worked for her, but it’s been a couple of days now, and she has not replied, which again has me worried that it’s a brush-off. Usually, she’s pretty prompt about replying. 🙁

I guess my questions are:

1. Do you think she was sincere when she said we should go out again, or do you think she was just being polite?

2. Should I contact her again? And if so, how long should I wait? I was thinking I might wait 2-3 days, and then just send a simple message saying, “Hey, I hope all is well. Since we had talked about going out again, I was wondering if you might be free any time this week. It would be great to see you again.” Would that be appropriate?

I know I probably sound overly anxious about this, but of the women I’d ever gone out with over the years, she really fits the type I’d always hoped to one day go out with, so I guess I AM overly anxious about it, and I don’t want to let her slip away if there’s a chance that I could make this work, but at the same time, I don’t want her to see me as too desperate/clingy.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Nothing went wrong! 😯 Ask her out on a date! 😀

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[BillyJ]

Well, I took your advice and asked her out again, but it seems she’s not interested. I sent her an email, chatting about a couple of things, and at the end of the email, I asked her if she’d like to go out next week. She didn’t respond for a couple of days, and when she finally did, she just sent a short reply, acknowledging one of other things I mentioned in my email, but completely ignored the fact that I had asked her out, which I guess is an answer in itself 🙁
It’s disappointing and a bit confusing.

Oh well, thanks anyway.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating is a process that allows you to see if you want to be with someone or not. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t, but you don’t know unless you give it a try. You did — which is great. She isn’t interested any more, and so it’s time to find someone who is. Rejection isn’t so bad if you see it as a gift that allows you to get back on the right track and find Ms. Right instead of wasting time with someone who isn’t a good match for you. 😉

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