[rajatan]

My ex and I dated on and off for 2 years. It seemed as if he didn’t want to commit and I later found out he was cheating on me. not to mention he was physically and mentally abusive. Once we broke off for good we didn’t keep in contact, until he became relentless about how he was in the wrong.

It took me awhile but we finally progressed from silence, to emails to phone calls and now he’s back in my life. Not boyfriend/girlfriend (but according to him more than just friends ). BLAH :/

Just last night, I told him how i saw a lady maltreat her puppy — she was kicking him and squeezing his mouth—- I was so enraged how she was treating this poor defenseless animal…I told him about i wished she was treated that way so she would stop it. (Of course, i would never ever do that!)

But here’s the kicker, now he says he’s afraid of me?? I never gave him an indication of anger, or physical violence, even when he was the one pulling my ear and yelling into it when we dated, or when i would lock myself in the bathroom and he would pound on the door to get out because he wanted to yell to my face and wouldn’t let me hide.
I can’t believe he’s acting so odd ( for a lack of a better word) . What do I do? I feel like we hit an impasse. He’s unfounded fear has led me to believe he’s just insincere. He thinks I’ve changed… sounds like I can’t be vocal about something. I need help vocalizing how i feel. How dare he right?!

[lesterkiwi]

My question to you is why are you letting this guy back in your life to begin with? People who are physically and mentally abusive rarely change their ways. If they do, its from them being honest with who they are, and a sincere desire to change. If he hasnt done this for his own benefit then its highly unlikely he is as different person. You’re likely setting yourself up for a repeat scenario of last time.

As far as your question…people like that are usually very manipulative and are masters at keeping women guessing and on the defensive. Who cares what he thinks. My advise to you…. tell him you need to see that he has taken positive steps to address his issues with a professional counselor before you can consider being his friend.

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]What do I do?[/quote]

Easy. You move on and don’t get back together with him. 😉

Figure out why you would date someone who physically abused you. Figure out why you would date someone who mentally abused you. Figure out why you would date someone who cheated on you. And figure out why you would date someone who would behave so oddly that you become angered instead of just walking away.

It’s easy to shine the spotlight on him because it allows you to avoid the tough questions about your own choices in men. [b]Lesterkiwi[/b] had good advice for you. I hope you’ll take it. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[rajatan]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I suppose I started to talk to him, because I wanted him to make sure that what happened between us, didn’t beat me. I was able to overcome adversity so to speak. That he didn’t have control over me.

After reading your responses, I realized I let him under my skin again. And we could have gone that cycle again. I know he has been trying to contact me (various texts and calls) but I told him that I have been to busy to talk about our issue. Last night he sent me a text saying that his father is very sick again and is at the hospital.

I think you guys are right he might be very manipulative. But unfortunately I didn’t see it. It truly seemed like he changed, he did apologize for most of his behavior.

Thank you again.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re welcome, and good luck in choosing the RIGHT men from here on in. You have the freedom to make choices, but with that freedom comes responsibility to know yourself well so you can choose well. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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