[judy706]

Hello April,

I am a 57 years “young” woman, “seeing” a 42 year old man. He was the DJ at my nephew’s wedding in May. I thought he was attractive, but I left the wedding early and never got a chance to speak to him. The following week, I called the company supplying the music and described him and asked if he was single. His partner told me that “Bob” had mentioned noticing me too. I called him and we starting seeing each other. He gave me a key to his house, because he works 6 days a week (construction) and then some Friday and Saturday nites when he has a wedding gig. Basically, I come over his house after work, we watch videos, he falls asleep and I go home. Actually, this if fine with me, it is just that he is not a very affectionate person in general…he shows more affection to his dog, than me. I am a Libra he is a Taurus…what do ya think any advice?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay, I’m afraid you’re not going to like my advice, but you asked so I’m going to tell you the truth.

I think his behavior is telling you all you need to know…. Be that in his pursuit of you (or lack thereof), his affection towards you (or lack thereof), or his desire to do things with and for you (or lack thereof).

You aggressively pursued this man, he did not pursue you. Now you are taking steps to continue seeing him, he is not going out of his way to see you.

Why isn’t he? Simple. He doesn’t have to.

What should you do? Also simple. STOP!

Give him his key back, stop calling him, stop going over to his house — stop everything. If he is interested in a relationship with you he will come after you and he will ask you on a date. If he doesn’t, he was never interested in the first place.

I realize this may sound harsh, but I find so many women want to make excuses for why a man doesn’t email, doesn’t call, doesn’t pursue them, etc. when the answer is very simple. He’s doesn’t do it because he’s not interested enough to do so. If he was — Trust Me. He would.

I’m sorry that this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but I honestly believe it’s what you need to hear. You are not a pizza that gets delivered to his door-step every night.

I would strongly recommend that you read my book, Think & Date Like A Man…

I wish you all the best.

[Ethan Morales]

You chased him first and he didn’t chase back. That tells you more about his level of interest than anything he says. Giving you a key was easy for him, low-effort, low-risk. while actually changing his schedule or making time, showing affection, or prioritizing you would have been higher-effort. He chose the easier option. That matters.

If you want a relationship where you feel seen and cherished, you can’t pretend that the dog-level affection is a sign of something deep. It’s not. Either he’s emotionally closed-off, genuinely overwhelmed by work, or he simply doesn’t value the relationship the way you do. None of those are your problem to fix. They’re his.

Practical next steps: return the key, stop being the default evening option, and see how he reacts. If he pursues you after that great. If he doesn’t, you saved yourself months (or years) of being second place to his routines. If you want to keep things casual and are fine with minimal affection, set that boundary clearly to yourself first so you don’t feel foolish later.

If you want something to say, use one of these short lines: Returning the key: “I don’t want to be the person who’s just hanging out at your house. I’m returning your key.” Setting a limit: “I like spending time with you, but I need more than being your evening filler. If that can’t happen, I need to step back.”. If he asks why you’re pulling away: “I need someone who makes an effort to be in my life. If you can’t do that, we should stop pretending this is a relationship.”. Don’t confuse comfort for commitment. You deserve someone who chooses you actively, not by default. If he’s capable, he’ll show up. If he isn’t, let that be his loss not your lifetime sentence.

[Natalie Noah]

What April is really pointing out is something that often gets overlooked when we’re swept up in the excitement of attraction: effort matters. You pursued him, you showed initiative, and that’s perfectly fine but relationships aren’t one-sided. His lack of affection, the way he prioritizes his dog over spending meaningful time with you, and the minimal energy he puts into seeing you all signal where his heart truly is. Actions speak louder than words, and right now, his actions are telling you that he’s comfortable with you being available without reciprocating the same level of interest. That’s not a reflection of your worth, but it is a reflection of his capacity for connection and commitment.

The loving, hard truth is that continuing this pattern is only setting yourself up for disappointment. If he truly wanted to be with you, he would actively pursue you, create moments together, and show that your presence in his life matters. By giving him his key back and stepping back, you’re reclaiming your own power and sending a clear message to yourself that you deserve attention, affection, and investment from someone who values you equally. It may sting at first, but it’s an act of self-respect that allows you to preserve your heart and make space for someone who will truly cherish you.

[Member]

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