[danequin]

Here’s the situation we are happily married but over the better part of the last 2 years my wife REFUSES to give head. yet she expects me to go down on her. I am seriously offended and she does not even hardly start sex, its like she has no interest some times. I say some thing and she says I am making her do something she does not want to do. And i should respect that. I am not asking for anything weird I don’t think just a blow job once in a while and maybe her to initiate sex, another thing she does not want to do lately. I ask her to reach over and grab me when i am facing the other way and and she says I just roll over and ignore her, I want to feel that touch even when we have sex I fell let down and it was not what i was looking for. it’s getting to the point where i would almost sooner jerk off so i can feel a hand on my penis.

She tells me that I am making her do some thing she does not want to do. Yes she craves me going down on her, do i not have a right to have the same rewards as she does, and to have my needs met as well. She makes me feel dirty by not doing that. It seems like sex is all about her and when I ask for what I want she says its always about me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How long have you been married and how long have you been together in total? What changed between the time she was generous in bed and was interested in oral sex for you, and now, when she isn’t?

[danequin]

we have been together 7 years and married 5. she claims she does not know why she does not want to. we have been trying for a baby since we got married with no luck.

[danequin]

I was wondering if there has been a shift and sex may be more like a chore sometimes since we are trying for a baby , she sometimes says things like I gave you sex, It seems like sex has shifted to be about her, how ever she needs to know i crave that intimacy as much as she does. how do i make her realize that….fair is fair and I kind of think she needs to reciprocate what I do to her. But if she is having a hard time with sex because if the lack of sucess for a baby…could I be on the right track here

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’re trying to get pregnant and you’re having trouble doing so, it makes a lot of sense that for her, sex is utilitarian and not, primarily, about pleasure. And…. she probably has some sense of anxiety about sex because it’s become the way to make a baby that the two of you are having some trouble doing. Some women who have trouble getting pregnant feel guilty, angry — and they lash out, which is what she may be doing.

All your points about how important it is for sex to be reciprocal, don’t really help the problem. Nobody disagrees with you that it’s good to have a partner in bed who is generous. The problem is to understand why she’s changed, and to figure out what you can do about it.

One thing you can try is to be very generous with her in other areas of life — not sex. If she feels taken care of and grateful out of the bedroom, and knows what you want in it, she may be more interested in pleasing you. In other words, you may be able to win her over so much that she wants to do things for you that you want. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[danequin]

I like to think I take rather good care of my wife, I am the cook of the house hold, I do laundry, make lunch for the day care, maybe there is more I can do to pamper her, but i dont know what, all i know is some thing seems to be missing.

[danequin]

I talked to her she said thats part of it, sex has become somewhat of a chore, and she feels like a failure because we cant get pregnant. She does not want to talk about it much. she tries to avoid talking about it. She says I am making her do something she does not wish to do. I told her I crave that intimacy, and want it back, she suggested I accept the fact she does not want to do that, and get over it. She said she never made me go down on her and i can refuse if I want. I think she would snap if I refused to go down on her. Is what she does not see is that I am really hurt because this aspect has faded. She says she wishes I would keep top talking about it, i told her I cant keep it bottled up inside

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like your idea of taking care of her has to do with domestic care and is more mothering than it is husbanding. 😉 Try to get back to the romance you had in your lives when sex was great for both of you. Take her out on dates. Make it clear to her — if it’s true — that you’re with her because of who she is, not because of her ability or inability to get pregnant. It’s very normal for women who have difficulty getting pregnant to feel defective, get depressed, lash out, act out, etc.

I also think that you should stop offering oral sex to her without making it a big deal or a retribution. Instead, explain gently and kindly that you want your sex life to include the enjoyment of mutual oral sex, and when she’s ready, you will be, too! Don’t make it a punishment — make it a more clear understanding of your sex life. Tell her that you understand she isn’t ready to offer you oral sex, and that it doesn’t feel right to you, the same way it doesn’t feel right to her, to do something you’re not ready for — but when it’s mutual, you will be.

Use both techniques at the same time, and you’ll see some change.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts