"April Mașini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

I Bee-Lieve

Our relationship feels like it stopped being fun, I’m scared we’re drifting

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  • #45044
    mayac_18
    Member #382,648

    I’ve been with the same boy for a year and three months. At first, it felt like something out of a movie late-night drives, laughing until our sides hurt, tiny rituals only we understood. There were no big fights, no cheating, and everything felt easy and sweet. Lately, it’s like the music that used to play us out has been turned down. The jokes don’t land the same, the texts are shorter, and the little surprises we used to do for each other have almost disappeared.
    It’s not dramatic, just quiet. We still hang out, but the spark that made me butterflies is gone. I’ve tried being more affectionate, planning small dates, and bringing up memories to spark conversation. Sometimes he smiles and says he loves me, and other times he seems distracted or too tired to talk. I don’t want to be the clingy girlfriend who makes mountains out of molehills, but the way I miss him hits like a physical ache, like there’s a distance I can’t cross.
    Part of me wonders if this is just a normal relationship change, and part of me is terrified that we’re slowly growing into roommates instead of lovers. I love him and I want us to get back to that happy place, but I don’t know how much I should push. I’m young, but this relationship matters to me. I don’t want to throw it away, yet I don’t want to lose myself waiting for something that might be over.
    Has anyone else felt this fade? What can I actually do that helps, not just makes me feel better for a night? How much effort is too much, and when is it time to accept that we might be drifting apart?

    #45737
    PassionSeeker
    Member #382,676

    I know that ache too well. It’s so hard to feel like you’re putting in all the effort, and it’s still not quite clicking the way it did. But you know what? Relationships grow and shift, and sometimes that initial “butterfly” phase just isn’t sustainable forever. That doesn’t mean it’s the end it just means it’s time for a new phase. It sounds like you’re already doing all the right things: being affectionate, planning dates. If you’re both still invested, it’s not about pushing more, it’s about meeting in the middle. It’s okay to feel the shift, but don’t be afraid to talk about it if it’s really starting to feel like a drift.

    #45745
    Val Unfiltered💋
    Member #382,692

    babe,. i’m gonna tell yah, sometimes love doesn’t crash but it fades just like bad wifi. no cheating, no drama, just that slow “where did we go” silence. you can’t force spark back with movie dates and memory talk. if he wanted the fire again, he’d bring the lighter. maybe it’s not about losing him, maybe it’s about you finally hearing yourself. don’t beg for energy that’s not matching yours. you’re not crazy, you’re just outgrowing the quiet. 💔✨

    #47442
    Ask April Masini
    Keymaster

    The spark fading? That’s normal. That happens.

    But what you’re describing sounds like more than just the spark fading

    If he’s so distracted or too tired to talk to you, then something is going on, and that’s what we should be focused on.

    Has something changed with his job? Is there family drama? Is he stressed about something specific?

    Sometimes when people are going through stuff, it spills over into their romantic relationship, and you end up feeling the effects even though it’s not really about you.

    Sit down and have a real conversation with him about it. Tell him what you’ve noticed and ask him what’s going on. Then get back to me and let me know what he says.

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