[anonymous87]

so I’ve been hanging out with a girl and i recently told her my feelings for her and she said if she wasn’t with her bf first that things may be differrent
and the best time she has had in awhile is when we went to BLANK (identity reasons) together and she can feel like herself or be anyone she wants to be…. we hugged goodbye and she put her head on my shoulder and said I’m so sorry I’m so sorry to her for putting her in this situation
so i had to do a project with her yesterday tuesday… they didn’t have the equpiment
long story short….. i asked, well what are u doing during break hour? and she was like, I’m thinking of having lunch with u, so i said sure….. went to lunch and surprised her with a milkshake and we talked in the car and was like how are things with ur boyfriend, and like i feel there is something there btw us
she told me that she liked me as a friend and didn’t feel anything but would like to get to know me better and see how things go…..so i was like I’m not going to wait forever and she’s like, if u see somebody go for it….. but i told her i was going to give her space but i sent this text after a couple of hours of hanging
Im giving u space but i just gotta no this to see where im going and where we may be going…. sorry if i woke u up.. and i know u live day by day but if we get to know each other and things go well are u going to leave him? that wasn’t an unltimatum, im just looking out for my own interests

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Do you have a question for me? 🙂

[anonymous87]

Yea, what the heck is she thinking? I’m not very good with relationships. I really care about her but would like to have a best friend type thing before being in something deeper. I don’t want to screw this up. Basically, do you think she likes me? What’s with her bf? What’s the underlying message, do I have a realistic chance or will she never leave him? Thank you for your time

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What she’s thinking is less important than what you’re thinking! 😉 It sounds like you’re not quite sure what it is you want from and with her, and that’s why you’re confused. That said, I can tell you that you can’t have a best friendship with a woman you want to date — in fact I don’t believe that men and women can be friends, simply because one person likes the other one more at some point, and that doesn’t make for an honest friendship. So let go of the idea of friendship with her. If you decide that you want to date her, then you have to win her over. Dating involves competition, and you’re going to have to compete for her — but that really goes for anyone you want to date. So decide if you want to date her, and if the answer is yes, then decide to ask her out. That’s the best way you’ll know if she wants to go out with you or not. There’s always risk of rejection in dating. It’s built in. But nobody dies from rejection. In fact, if you are rejected, then you can know not to waste time with someone who isn’t interested, and move on to find someone who is. Or, she may say yes if you ask her out, and then you’ll have an opportunity to get to know her that way. 😉

I hope that helps.

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[anonymous87]

I definitely do want to date her, and I understand it is a competition. However, I am not just going to sit on the sidelines. We have hung out one on one and we’ve had amazing times. Again, she said the best time she had in awhile was with me and not her boyfriend. That can’t be just a coincidence. I understand the whole wanting to get to know each other better, since we definitely do and I don’t want to rush anything, but that sounds an awful a lot like dating for someone who is in an already committed relationship while still hanging with me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to date her, then you should ask her out. 😉 Stop worrying about other people, and focus on [i]your[/i] goal. She’s not married. And she’s indicating that she’s interested in you. If you don’t get up to bat, you’ll never know. When you do ask her out to the movies or on some other type of date, she’ll have the opportunity to let you know she wants to go with you or not. However, if you don’t want to date her because you think the fact that she’s dating something else is a game-over indicator for you, then move on. 🙂

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[anonymous87]

It didn’t work out. He is up here from his hometown. She loves him. Says we never have a chance. I really care about her and I feel I’m the right choice but I can’t deal with the pain. We still have to do class work together. How do I move on?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You move on by asking out someone else. Focus elsewhere, and she won’t be in your sightline any more. 😉

Consider buying and reading the book I wrote for men called [b]Date Out of Your League[/b], [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s a great book for getting you started on a successful dating path. 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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