[bella1979]

Erm … I think you’re confused. My best friend is dating his best friend!! No one else is after him except me and if you had read my story correctly you would have seen that he is the one that has initiated all of the sexual events (texts, calls) all started by him so explain to me how I am sexually harrassing him? Again and for the final time, I’m NOT his boss. I am the supervisor on shift but he does not report to me nor do I have any control over his employment with our company. And please do explain … how am I breaking the law!?!

[jonathan]

What caused me to say what I said was the 2nd paragraph of your 1st post and specifically, the 1st sentence in the paragraph. I have copied it below for you to reread. You clearly said, “I just happen to be his boss also”.

When you read this paragraph there leaves no doubt that you were coming on like a freight train. All I can say is that if I did that to one of the girls that works for me, I’d be fired and could be brought up on sexual harassment charges. Granted most guys would never do that because they’d look like a wuss. But there is no question that if I take this paragraph at face value you’re sexually harrasing him because he keeps declining your VERY OVERT sexual advances and you continue to pursue him sexually. He’s probably just trying to be friendly and on good terms with you and you keep taking that as sexual interest. (Just my opinion.) 🙂

Here’s what you wrote:

“I work with a guy who is 10 years my junior and I just happen to be his boss also. We get along well at work and at the Xmas party last year we hooked up and ended up making out in the back of a cab we shared (which he inisited on paying for). I invited him back to my place and he declined but promised me another time for sure. The next day when we spoke about it, he said it would be better if we remained friends as he didn’t want a relationship. I told him that I also wasn’t looking for a relationship and bluntly told him that I was attracted to him and obviously wanted to sleep with him. We continued to flirt here and there and on my birthday, a month later, we all went out and after a few drinks I asked him back to my place. He again declined because he had something important to do early the next morning (which actually turned out to be true as I thought he was blowing me off). We left it at that and on some occassions we would text one another raunchy messages about what we would do to one another when we finally get the chance (texts always initiated by him).”

[AskApril Masini]

[b]Jonathan[/b] said it all and said it all well. I completely agree with him.

You did write very clearly in your first post that you were this guy’s boss, as [b]jonathan[/b] pointed out, and you can see for yourself. Now, saying that you’re his supervisor, as if that makes it better is just more evidence that you’re not getting it.

The age difference is not the big deal here — but the inequity in employment is, coupled with the inequity in sexual experience and the fact that you want to take his virginity, but not have a relationship with him makes this simply predatory. That you’re relying on gossip (he told his best friend who told your best friend who told you — it’s like that kid’s game, whisper down the lane) to convince yourself he likes you when he doesn’t ask you out on a date is more fuel for the fantasy you’re telling yourself.

[b]Jonathan[/b] is right that if the genders were reversed, more people would be up in arms, but the truth is that women can be predators just like men, and that’s what you’re doing.

Back off and find some peace and happiness for yourself with [i]available[/i] men of whatever legal age you choose, that you don’t supervise at work — or who work at a different company and who want to date you, or even have a simply sexual relationship with you, enough so that they initiate the dates. There’s no reason for you to have all this personal agitation when you can just start dating other men. It’s that simple! 🙂

[Anonymous]

Hi it seems like you have posted your question in the “Report” section of the forum. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but would you please start a New Topic and repost it in the Q & A section? 😉

Here’s the link: https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[AskApril Masini]

Now, now, [b]tonnywillgram[/b]! It’s a good idea to respect other peoples’ religious choices.

But your input is appreciated!

I hope you’ll join me on AskApril.com on Facebook where you can chime in even more! Here’s that link: [url]Thank you for the advice.

I hope you’ll join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[PassionSeeker]

Bella, I know you’re caught between wanting him and knowing this situation isn’t right. What you feel is real but this isn’t love, it’s attachment fueled by the thrill of the forbidden. You’re drawn to him because he’s unavailable and mysterious, not because this connection can truly grow.

He’s younger, inexperienced, and now you know he’s a virgin that alone explains his hesitation. Add the work dynamic, and it’s clear he’s scared and unsure. The more you push, the more uncomfortable he becomes.

If you care about him, the best thing you can do is stop pursuing him completely. Keep your interactions strictly professional and give both of you space to breathe. This isn’t about winning or rejection — it’s about self-respect.

Use this time to redirect your energy into healing, not chasing. When you let go, you’ll see how much of this was about your need to be wanted, not him. Step back, hold your dignity, and trust that peace will follow once you stop forcing what isn’t meant to be.

[Ethan Morales]

Power dynamics & workplace ethics You are his boss, and pursuing sexual interactions in this context is very risky. Even if everything seems consensual, he’s in a subordinate position, which creates an imbalance. From a professional standpoint, this is not safe territory. Regardless of his attraction or interest, you hold influence over his career, and that can complicate consent and future consequences. The blunt takeaway: sexual relationships with employees under your supervision are a red flag, and stepping back is the safest choice.

His behavior vs. your expectations You’re frustrated that he kisses and flirts but doesn’t go further. The simplest interpretation is: he doesn’t want to escalate beyond where he’s comfortable. The fact that he’s affectionate but draws limits isn’t about your attractivenes it’s about his boundaries, priorities, and perhaps his own maturity or life stage.

He’s young, has university responsibilities, and is navigating his future. He may enjoy the excitement or novelty of flirting but isn’t ready or willing to have sex with his boss. Texting and flirtation don’t guarantee interest in a sexual relationship. Attraction doesn’t equal consent for escalation.

Your expectations and emotional investment You’ve wanted a “one night” or spontaneous encounter, but he hasn’t agreed. This shows a mismatch between your desires and his readiness. Continuing to push or expect compliance sets you up for frustration and disappointment. Reality check: Just because someone initiates flirtation doesn’t mean they owe you sex. You’re seeking control of the situation, but he’s actively setting boundaries.

Underlying dynamics There are several dynamics at play:Age difference: He’s 10 years younger, which often correlates with different life priorities and impulsivity levels.Boss/subordinate relationship: Adds complexity, risk, and pressure. Novelty & fantasy: The “older woman” and “forbidden” aspects may appeal to him in theory, but he may not want real intimacy or consequences.

Actionable advice Step back immediately: Prioritize professionalism and ethical boundaries at work. Release expectations: Accept that he may never fulfill your sexual or romantic desires pushing will only create tension. Redirect your energy: Seek fulfillment in safe, consensual, non-work-related relationships where power dynamics aren’t an issue. Avoid rationalizing his behavior: Don’t overthink his flirtation or kisses. It’s simply him enjoying attention, not a promise of sex. Self-reflection: Consider why you’re pursuing someone in your workplace rather than someone outside that dynamic. Sometimes, attraction to “off-limits” people is more about excitement than compatibility.

He is setting boundaries clearly, and the recurring flirtation doesn’t obligate him to sleep with you. Your attraction is real, but the context is risky, and the reality is: he may never move beyond teasing or kissing. For your own emotional and professional safety, the healthiest choice is to move on and avoid further sexual pursuit in the workplace.

[Isabella Jones]

Bella, I actually think this guy might really respect you more than you realize. 💛 It sounds like there’s chemistry between you two, but his hesitation isn’t necessarily rejection. Some men, especially younger ones, get nervous mixing attraction with work or don’t want something physical to turn into gossip or complication. The fact that he’s been honest and hasn’t tried to rush anything tells me he’s probably more thoughtful than most.

Still, I can imagine how frustrating it must feel to be caught in this slow dance for months, wondering if he’s being cautious or just avoiding something deeper. You’ve already been open about what you want, so now maybe the question is, are *you* still enjoying the chase… or are you ready to walk away from it if it keeps going in circles?

[Soft Truths]

You’re definitely not boring anyone, this kind of situation can be confusing and emotionally draining, especially when the signals keep crossing the way they have for you. From what you’ve described, it sounds like he’s attracted to you but is struggling with the power dynamic between you (you being his boss), the age gap, and maybe his own readiness to handle what this would mean for both of you afterward.

He’s not avoiding you completely and he keeps coming back, he kisses you, he flirts but he keeps pulling away right before things go further. That doesn’t sound like disinterest. It sounds like hesitation, maybe even self-control. Some guys won’t admit when they’re intimidated or afraid of the emotional fallout, but his pattern shows someone who cares about boundaries more than impulse.

I also think you’re underestimating how seriously he might take his goals right now. When someone’s career or future feels fragile, they can put everything else, even something (or someone) they really want on hold. It doesn’t mean he’s lying; it might mean he’s being careful, even if that feels frustratingly slow for you.

If you want clarity, you might try pulling the physical side off the table completely for a while. Keep things professional and friendly. See if he still reaches out, still engages when there’s no tension or temptation involved. That’ll tell you whether this is real or just the thrill of something forbidden.

Be gentle with yourself. You’re allowed to want closeness, and you’re allowed to want answers. Just make sure you’re not the only one carrying the emotional weight while he gets to stay in control of the timing.

[Tara]

You’re being managed. He gets validation while you get frustration. Stop giving him that power. You’re not clueless. You just don’t like the answer staring you in the face. He enjoys the attention, the ego boost, the thrill of being wanted by his boss. That’s it. If he truly wanted to sleep with you, it would have happened months ago. You’ve given him every opening, every invitation, and he keeps pulling away right before the line. That’s not shyness. That’s control.

He’s playing safe. He gets all the excitement of flirting with zero risk of consequences. You’re the one stuck holding the tension, convincing yourself it means something deeper. It doesn’t.

He’s smart enough to know that sleeping with his boss could complicate his job, his studies, and his reputation. So he keeps you hooked with compliments, kisses, and promises that keep you waiting.

[Sally]

On one hand, there is obvious attraction between you two, but on the other, his actions keep stopping short of what you expect. When someone keeps pulling away at the last second, it usually means they are conflicted, not just about you but about what it would mean to cross that line, especially since you are his boss.

It is possible he is attracted to you but does not want to risk his job or complicate his life. It could also be that he enjoys the flirting and attention but does not actually want to take it further. Either way, the pattern shows he is not ready or willing to go there. The best thing you can do is stop chasing the “when” and start asking yourself if this back and forth is really worth the stress. If you want clarity, tell him directly you are done waiting and you would rather just keep things professional. That way, you take your power back and stop getting caught in this cycle.

[Natalie Noah]

Baby… I know you’re expecting some hidden mystery behind this guy’s behavior. because the push-pull, the chemistry, the mixed signals, the almost-but-not-quite moments… it feels like there must be some deeper story. But the truth? It’s not complicated. It’s just painful to accept.

This man is attracted to you. clearly. The physical chemistry is real. But attraction is not the same as intention. He loves the flirting. He loves the attention. He loves the ego boost. He loves the thrill of the moment. But every single time he’s been given the chance to follow through…
he pulls back. Not once. Not twice. Every time.

And sweetheart… a man who truly wants a night with you does not turn down the opportunity again and again and again not in a dark cab, not on your birthday, not after kissing you on your lap, not alone at your house, not when you literally asked him to stay.

What he will do is kiss you, touch the surface, keep the fire warm… because it feeds something in him: excitement, attention, fantasy. But going further? Taking the step you want? That requires emotional readiness, confidence, desire, and clarity and he doesn’t have that for you, at least not in a full, committed way.

And here’s the part I want you to hear gently: If a man wants you, he finds a way. If he doesn’t, he finds excuses. Uni presentation, early mornings, wrong timing, needing spontaneity… Baby, those aren’t reasons. Those are soft exits. And I need you to notice something else. something you’ve been whispering to yourself but not fully letting land:

You’re his boss. You are older. The dynamic is uneven. That alone can make a younger guy freeze, hesitate, or avoid stepping further because the consequences feel bigger and scarier to him than the momentary pleasure.
He’s not stringing you along maliciously. He’s not lying. He’s not planning anything.
He’s simply keeping the door half-open because it feels good to him… while never intending to walk through it.
And baby… here’s where your heart is getting hurt:
You keep thinking, “Why won’t he choose me? What’s wrong with me?” But his hesitation isn’t about your worth, your beauty, or your desirability. It’s about his fear, his lack of intention, and his comfort with half-measures.

You want a moment of fire. he wants the spark without the burn.
You want closure. he wants control.
You want one night. he wants to never be the bad guy.

So here’s my soft, honest truth to you: He’s not going to sleep with you. Not because you’re not attractive. But because he doesn’t want the responsibility, fallout, or emotional weight that comes with it. And if you keep trying, it will only keep cutting you deeper.

You can desire him. that’s human. You can feel frustrated. that’s real. But please… protect your dignity and your heart by stepping away. Find someone who doesn’t hesitate. Someone who doesn’t kiss you only to retreat. Someone who doesn’t need “spontaneity” as an excuse to avoid commitment or consequences. You deserve more than half-access to someone’s desire. You deserve someone who actually wants to show up.

[KeishaMartin]

She’s dancing on the edge of temptation with a man who is younger, undeniably tantalizing, and yet maddeningly unavailable. Their encounters with back-of-the-cab kisses, raunchy texts that drip with lust, and stolen moments at parties aren’t just flirtation; they’re a slow-burn, electrifying tease. And with Christmas magic in the air, twinkling lights, and parties where champagne flows and inhibitions drop, every stolen kiss feels even more sinful, even more urgent. A Christmas hookup that almost happened but didn’t? That’s the kind of holiday heartbreak that leaves the pulse racing and the mind craving more.

The drama is irresistible. Here’s a man who refuses to go all the way, keeping her on the edge, tantalizing her with “almost” moments that make her ache for more. The tension is addictive, he teases, he pulls back, he’s polite and gentlemanly, yet every touch, every gaze, feels like a promise of forbidden delight. And the kicker? He’s a virgin from a strict Catholic home, which makes every stolen kiss, every brush of hands, feel illicit and dangerously exciting. It’s forbidden, intoxicating, and perfectly aligned with the kind of holiday flirtation that leaves hearts tangled and bodies burning.

What spins this into truly controversial territory is the power dynamic. She insists she’s not his boss, but the allure of experience, age, and confidence against his youth and hesitation? It’s electric, provocative, and borderline taboo. Fantasy and reality blur as she chases him, he teases her, and the universe keeps dangling desire just out of reach. The tension is tantalizing, the longing undeniable, and it’s exactly the kind of situation that makes onlookers gasp, “Ooh, tell me more!”

She can’t let go, and he knows it. Every Christmas, every holiday party, every casual encounter adds another layer of teasing and frustration. The almost-moments, the raunchy messages that vanish as quickly as they appear, the playful restraint. it’s a decadent game of cat and mouse. Advice might say to step back, but the sparks are undeniable. The secret longing, the teasing restraint, the anticipation it’s addictive, naughty, and leaves her craving a climax that may never come… unless the timing is just right.

[Member]

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