[bella1979]

Erm … I think you’re confused. My best friend is dating his best friend!! No one else is after him except me and if you had read my story correctly you would have seen that he is the one that has initiated all of the sexual events (texts, calls) all started by him so explain to me how I am sexually harrassing him? Again and for the final time, I’m NOT his boss. I am the supervisor on shift but he does not report to me nor do I have any control over his employment with our company. And please do explain … how am I breaking the law!?!

[jonathan]

What caused me to say what I said was the 2nd paragraph of your 1st post and specifically, the 1st sentence in the paragraph. I have copied it below for you to reread. You clearly said, “I just happen to be his boss also”.

When you read this paragraph there leaves no doubt that you were coming on like a freight train. All I can say is that if I did that to one of the girls that works for me, I’d be fired and could be brought up on sexual harassment charges. Granted most guys would never do that because they’d look like a wuss. But there is no question that if I take this paragraph at face value you’re sexually harrasing him because he keeps declining your VERY OVERT sexual advances and you continue to pursue him sexually. He’s probably just trying to be friendly and on good terms with you and you keep taking that as sexual interest. (Just my opinion.) 🙂

Here’s what you wrote:

“I work with a guy who is 10 years my junior and I just happen to be his boss also. We get along well at work and at the Xmas party last year we hooked up and ended up making out in the back of a cab we shared (which he inisited on paying for). I invited him back to my place and he declined but promised me another time for sure. The next day when we spoke about it, he said it would be better if we remained friends as he didn’t want a relationship. I told him that I also wasn’t looking for a relationship and bluntly told him that I was attracted to him and obviously wanted to sleep with him. We continued to flirt here and there and on my birthday, a month later, we all went out and after a few drinks I asked him back to my place. He again declined because he had something important to do early the next morning (which actually turned out to be true as I thought he was blowing me off). We left it at that and on some occassions we would text one another raunchy messages about what we would do to one another when we finally get the chance (texts always initiated by him).”

[Ask April Masini]

[b]Jonathan[/b] said it all and said it all well. I completely agree with him.

You did write very clearly in your first post that you were this guy’s boss, as [b]jonathan[/b] pointed out, and you can see for yourself. Now, saying that you’re his supervisor, as if that makes it better is just more evidence that you’re not getting it.

The age difference is not the big deal here — but the inequity in employment is, coupled with the inequity in sexual experience and the fact that you want to take his virginity, but not have a relationship with him makes this simply predatory. That you’re relying on gossip (he told his best friend who told your best friend who told you — it’s like that kid’s game, whisper down the lane) to convince yourself he likes you when he doesn’t ask you out on a date is more fuel for the fantasy you’re telling yourself.

[b]Jonathan[/b] is right that if the genders were reversed, more people would be up in arms, but the truth is that women can be predators just like men, and that’s what you’re doing.

Back off and find some peace and happiness for yourself with [i]available[/i] men of whatever legal age you choose, that you don’t supervise at work — or who work at a different company and who want to date you, or even have a simply sexual relationship with you, enough so that they initiate the dates. There’s no reason for you to have all this personal agitation when you can just start dating other men. It’s that simple! 🙂

[Anonymous]

Hi it seems like you have posted your question in the “Report” section of the forum. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but would you please start a New Topic and repost it in the Q & A section? 😉

Here’s the link: http://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[Ask April Masini]

Now, now, [b]tonnywillgram[/b]! It’s a good idea to respect other peoples’ religious choices.

But your input is appreciated!

I hope you’ll join me on AskApril.com on Facebook where you can chime in even more! Here’s that link: [url]Thank you for the advice.

I hope you’ll join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[PassionSeeker]

Bella, I know you’re caught between wanting him and knowing this situation isn’t right. What you feel is real but this isn’t love, it’s attachment fueled by the thrill of the forbidden. You’re drawn to him because he’s unavailable and mysterious, not because this connection can truly grow.

He’s younger, inexperienced, and now you know he’s a virgin that alone explains his hesitation. Add the work dynamic, and it’s clear he’s scared and unsure. The more you push, the more uncomfortable he becomes.

If you care about him, the best thing you can do is stop pursuing him completely. Keep your interactions strictly professional and give both of you space to breathe. This isn’t about winning or rejection — it’s about self-respect.

Use this time to redirect your energy into healing, not chasing. When you let go, you’ll see how much of this was about your need to be wanted, not him. Step back, hold your dignity, and trust that peace will follow once you stop forcing what isn’t meant to be.

[Ethan Morales]

Power dynamics & workplace ethics You are his boss, and pursuing sexual interactions in this context is very risky. Even if everything seems consensual, he’s in a subordinate position, which creates an imbalance. From a professional standpoint, this is not safe territory. Regardless of his attraction or interest, you hold influence over his career, and that can complicate consent and future consequences. The blunt takeaway: sexual relationships with employees under your supervision are a red flag, and stepping back is the safest choice.

His behavior vs. your expectations You’re frustrated that he kisses and flirts but doesn’t go further. The simplest interpretation is: he doesn’t want to escalate beyond where he’s comfortable. The fact that he’s affectionate but draws limits isn’t about your attractivenes it’s about his boundaries, priorities, and perhaps his own maturity or life stage.

He’s young, has university responsibilities, and is navigating his future. He may enjoy the excitement or novelty of flirting but isn’t ready or willing to have sex with his boss. Texting and flirtation don’t guarantee interest in a sexual relationship. Attraction doesn’t equal consent for escalation.

Your expectations and emotional investment You’ve wanted a “one night” or spontaneous encounter, but he hasn’t agreed. This shows a mismatch between your desires and his readiness. Continuing to push or expect compliance sets you up for frustration and disappointment. Reality check: Just because someone initiates flirtation doesn’t mean they owe you sex. You’re seeking control of the situation, but he’s actively setting boundaries.

Underlying dynamics There are several dynamics at play:Age difference: He’s 10 years younger, which often correlates with different life priorities and impulsivity levels.Boss/subordinate relationship: Adds complexity, risk, and pressure. Novelty & fantasy: The “older woman” and “forbidden” aspects may appeal to him in theory, but he may not want real intimacy or consequences.

Actionable advice Step back immediately: Prioritize professionalism and ethical boundaries at work. Release expectations: Accept that he may never fulfill your sexual or romantic desires pushing will only create tension. Redirect your energy: Seek fulfillment in safe, consensual, non-work-related relationships where power dynamics aren’t an issue. Avoid rationalizing his behavior: Don’t overthink his flirtation or kisses. It’s simply him enjoying attention, not a promise of sex. Self-reflection: Consider why you’re pursuing someone in your workplace rather than someone outside that dynamic. Sometimes, attraction to “off-limits” people is more about excitement than compatibility.

He is setting boundaries clearly, and the recurring flirtation doesn’t obligate him to sleep with you. Your attraction is real, but the context is risky, and the reality is: he may never move beyond teasing or kissing. For your own emotional and professional safety, the healthiest choice is to move on and avoid further sexual pursuit in the workplace.

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