[devilinme]

Hi,

Just to give you a little bit of background first – I am currently in a relationship which involves us both living apart in different countries. We have known each other now for over 4 years but only been in a relationship for over 3years.
We met on the internet. We then met in real life & started a real relationship which over time we have visited each other when possible in each others country which in turn became a marriage in his country which took place over a year ago.

Just for the record I am 12 years older than he & I live in my own place & he is living with his parents. (We are both over 30 we are not kids)

I have a few questions to ask hoping to get some opinions.

Firstly, he invited me back to his country last year (which was my 3rd trip there & 1st trip after marriage),saying he had intentions of us seeking information on immigration, for me to move there as he says he would prefer me to move there. I stayed a total of 2months. During this visit he did not make any contact with the immigration department. After his mother got on to him a bit about what is going on he located a phone number for information about the immigration office/procedures which he did not call but told his mother he would but he had lost the number. (It was infact sitting on his lounge). Anyway, a few days later he asked me if i would call them, which i did & i wrote all the details down, which actually meant we needed to go to an office in another town to pick up some forms to fill in. I told him this & gave him the address etc. He did totally nothing with it. I asked a couple of times ‘well, what are we doing?’ ‘Are we doing this or not’ etc etc I only asked because I felt I had the right to know what our future holds & whats going to happen next with it. Don’t you agree?
After this time he also seemed to stay out a lot. Coming ‘home’ when it was late. He would not answer phone calls in front of me either plus if he was on the internet he was always sneaking off to use it – he hid everything he was doing on there which naturally started to make me get a little suspiscious. If i asked what’s he doing he would say either ‘ i dont know’ or he’d say ‘nothing’ with a smurk on his face. If i came closer which could put me in a position to see the screen he would either exit the window or drop down the lid so i couldn’t see.

On questioning him regarding ‘us’ & what are we going to do he would say ‘yes, we will go next week’, which next week never happened either, eventually it slowly became arguements & he would just say in the end my time of visitation had ran out & had to leave to come back to my country. I asked one more time before leaving & he said “I don’t know what we are gona do”.
He also doesn’t really talk to me about anything. If it becomes serious it’s like his mind wonders off. He will either sit & turn the tv on while you are trying to talk or he will just keep saying yes blame me it’s always my fault. Everyone always says i’m no good, i can’t do anything right so on so on. Then he ends up calling me a ***** bitch & stomps off.
He also seems to hide me from his friends. He will not take me to meet them either. They didnt even know i existed until they saw the marriage announcement in the newspaper over there. He didn’t even tell his parents !! They too also found out because of the announcement.

He says he loves me. He says he wants to be with me but we don’t seem to be getting any further than seeing each other in each others countries.

He was here in my country just recently. We spent Xmas together. In between my working i tried hard to spend time with him including making an interstate trip & going camping for about a week, hiring out a boat (all of which i paid for) even bought the fishing gear just so he would have a nice time.

He said when he left that he loved me, gave me a hug & kiss & said ‘I will talk to you when i get home’. He didn’t get online until 6 days after being home. He didnt say much online that night either really, but did say he was kind of sad leaving & he misses me. But, again now its been another 12 days since i’ve seen him online. There’s been no contact since.
I know our time-zones don’t help & the fact we both have jobs but In the earlier part of our relationship it was regular online contact – pretty much every day.

I don’t know what to think or really what to do. Should i be writing emails & chasing him? Should I sit back & just wait? Do you think he really wants me around? Should i just give up & let him go?

I hope you can help with some suggestions or maybe reasons for his actions. I know everyone is different & i know in the end it is my choice to make. But a little help with others opinions can be helpful at times.

Thank you for reading this & thank you in advance for any replies. Please Help !!

[lesterkiwi]

It seems to me that he has made it pretty clear that he isnt interested in you immigrating to his country, or that he is interested in you anymore. Look at the difference in how the both of you treated each other when you visited each others respective countries. He would come home late, not pay you much attention, spend time on the internet, etc etc. You on the other hand went out of your way to make his time here as enjoyable as possible and spent all your spare time with him. When you want to spend time with someone you will, if you dont you wont. Same thing with not being online for you…if he wanted to talk to you online he would make the time.
Calling you a ****** bitch shows how little respect he has for you. There are so many red flags here I would get carpel tunnel pointing them all out. Move on and find somone that is deserving of your affection.

[AskApril Masini]

Read between the lines of his behaviour…… 😯

Seriously? What “lines”? He’s cheating on you. He’s not interested in the marriage. He’s being very disrespectful and he’s not all that interested in you or your feelings. 😳

[b]lesterkiwi[/b] was right on with his advice. But let me try and answer your questions anyway:

[quote] I don’t know what to think or really what to do. Should i be writing emails & chasing him?[/quote]

Don’t chase him. Women should never chase men! 😉 Besides — why chase a guy who is running away from you? Especially one who is your husband. 😳

[quote] Should I sit back & just wait?[/quote]

I’m not sure what you’re waiting for. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to live with you and he’s really not that interested in you.

[quote] Do you think he really wants me around? Should i just give up & let him go?[/quote]

I don’t think he wants you around except as a diversion from the rest of his life.

My advice is to move on and next time don’t invest so time and energy in someone who lives so far away. You can learn a lot more about a person that you can date regularly, in person. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[devilinme]

Thank you both for spending the time in reading my lengthy “letter”.. And spending the time to answer it.. 🙂 Your advice & help in this matter is muchly appreciated ! :ugeek:

If anyone else wishes to comment also, please do so 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome! 😀

[Member]

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