[Anonymous]

I have been dating this guy for about 6 months now, and things were going good. We dated for a short while about 8 years ago, but I broke it off because I want whole heartily into it. We talked to each other a few times over the years, but nothing on a serious note. Anyway we started going out again 6 months ago, and have a lot in common. We’ve traveled together and even when we argue we still enjoy each others company. About 3 weeks ago, we had a major fall out, because we were supposed to go somewhere together, and he never showed up. I kept calling and he ignored my calls. He calls me early the next morning to apologize and to say that he had sometime of drama with his child’s mother and was unable to make it. I told him that was no excuse and that he should have called and said something. He know I hate waiting. we separated, and last week he tried making back up. we talked about what he did and i told him that it was totaly disrespectful what he did, and that he hurt me deeply. He apologized and promised that it wouldn’t happen again. We agreed to give it one more try and he invited me to come over that night for dinner. I waited for his call, and when he didn’t call, I text him and called him. He didn’t answer any of my calls, nor returned my text. Finally after 11 he answered and said he fell asleep. By this time I was @ his house and he told me that showing up there was phycotic, we got into a big argument again and I said it was over. My question is why would he do that? We just spoke about how i felt when he did it the first time, and less than 24 hours he’s doing the same thing. If he didn’t want the relationship why not let it go, why persuade me to give it another go, only to mess things up the same day. He refuses to answer my text or my calls, and i desperately need some clarification to move on. i think I may have been to hasty in ending the relationship, and am having doubts but my pride wont let me go to him and apologize, i don’t think I should be the one to do it first. Any insight is greatly appreciated.

[AskApril Masini]

My guess is there’s a reason you broke up with this guy 8 years ago, and it’s still valid now. His standing you up on 2 dates in a row is unacceptable, and on that basis alone, I’d urge you not to waste any more time on this guy. I’m not sure why you need an apology or an explanation — except that there is something about you that is wanting to stay in a relationship where the guy’s [i]so[/i] not into you he blows you off completely on 2 back to back dates and now won’t return your calls or texts. How much more clarity do you need? A neon billboard? 😕

I’m sorry this is blunt, but it’s really unhealthy for you to chase after a man — even for an apology or clarification — who is this clear with you that he’s not a good boyfriend, or even a decent human being. His excuses don’t add up to an apology, and your showing up at his house at 11 p.m. when he didn’t show up for the 2nd date was ill advised, but not psychotic. He’s adding insult to injury.

Accept the reality of what’s already happened as clarification enough. You’re not going to get an apology, and even if you do, it’s too little too late. You can do way better with almost anyone else! But what I’d like to see for you is to value yourself enough to not need this chaos and drama in your life. Stop looking to him for clarification and look to yourself. 😉

Mr. Right is out there for you — so let go of this guy and free yourself up for happiness, romance and respect.

Next! 🙂

[Member]

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