[mjayson]

I’ll make it as short as I can.

I’m currently living in asia and met this great girl online – she lived and worked in another country but came for a vacation to see me, we hit it off – saw each other a few times the next months and then she got pregnant.

I went to visit her for a month after I heard about the pregnancy, found out she was actually married to this foreign guy – saw some photos and saw her lastname in her passport. Additionally this guy was living with her temporarily since he was about to move to another country. However she says they both want a divorce and everything was over 9-10 months before she met me.

I decided to put all this aside due to the pregnancy, fast forward a few months and she’s moving back – to where she’s originally from and where I’m living, just to try to make it work with us.

Everything seems all right for a month – then I start to realize many things she says doesn’t add up, I check her laptop one day, I find some pictures of her and her husband in some weird drunken tongue kiss at some party, emails to her husband where she sign it as “wifey”. As this point she was like 4-5 months pregnant. She still has an old facebook in the married name where she seems to be acting like she’s still “happily married”.

To make everything worse – she has another ex, apparently someone she met after breaking up with her husband. In some heated discussion she actually called this guy in front of me and saying she wanted to give it another try with him and what not.

However – the main fights at this point is that I’ve been helping an old ex with some money, I barely have any contact but she’s starting to doubt whenever I’m over my ex. She has these anger issues – when she gets so mad she’ll throw plates, glasses, cellphones. I’ve asked her several times to move out because of this.

This is my issue – I truly care for this girl and 90% of the time everything is great but these fights and these lies are just killing me. I didnt know her that well before – so have no idea if this is because of the hormones. She don’t have close friends or family – so I know I need to step up and be there for her due to the pregnancy. Another note, this girl has her own money – so her intentions are not money. She has agreed to see a psychiatrist for the anger issues. I know I can be cold and very strict is some ways, that could explain her doubting my feelings.

Would the above situation justify me leaving her?. Should I have left her a long time ago?. Should I have a talk with her husband (ex-husband to be) to make sure everything is as she says?. Should I accept her anger due to the pregnancy – or be strict like now?.

Right now I’m thinking of staying by her side despite everything – do a DNA test when the kid is delivered and then take it from there.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[AskApril Masini]

This is only complicated because you’re making it complicated. If I give you a few steps to simplify things, and you take them, you’ll have a simpler life. 😉

First of all the woman you’re living with is married to someone else. She’s not divorced. So you need to be clear on that. Second of all, it’s not clear that this child is yours, so until there’s a paternity test that makes it clear the child is yours, don’t assume it is. There are too many places where this woman you don’t know well at all, has told you too many lies already, for you to be sure this is your baby. Third, you need to move out or have her move out (I’m not sure who’s place it is) until she’s divorced and you have a paternity test that shows the baby is yours. This will limit the plates she throws at you and the complications in your life.

I know you think you like her, but you don’t know her, and she’s married to another man. 😕 Lessen the complications and you’ll have a better idea of what to do next.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[mjayson]

Actually she has already moved out – or I kicked her out – more or less.

I do however feel that I’ve left her alone with the baby – which could be mine but after rethinking everything – I actually do think I can justify leaving her.

[AskApril Masini]

I didn’t mean to be cold hearted. But you really seemed to have jumped into a relationship that you weren’t very sure of. It’s not a good idea to get involved with someone before you know them well. You don’t.

That said, if she is carrying your baby, obviously, you want to be generous until you are sure it’s yours. Here are some ways you can help out without crossing any boundaries: If you want to pay for her medical care because the baby might be yours, then you can do that. And if you really want to have a romantic relationship with her, then you should encourage her to finalize her divorce. You should also slow things down and get to know who she really is because it sounds like she’s still got a husband and maybe some ex-boyfriends she’s in touch with who may be more than ex-boyfriends. You can also go to prenatal doctor visits with her and birth classes if she’ll invite you. You can buy her maternity clothes and things for the baby.

But until you have a better handle on who she is, and who she is to you, I think you need to get some clarity so there’s less complication. 😉

Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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