[Tara]

You’re a loser because you’ve decided that your entire identity is built around rejection and self-pity. You’ve spent twenty years collecting “no’s” like trophies, and now you hide under the covers crying instead of doing anything to change it. That’s not tragic, it’s lazy.

You’re just emotionally unavailable and exhausting to be around. Women can sense that. You lead with desperation, and desperation stinks. Nobody wants to date a man who’s already written himself off as broken. You’re not unattractive because of Asperger’s or lack of experience; you’re unattractive because you radiate hopelessness.

Stop asking if women “would date someone like you.” Of course, they would, if you actually showed up like a man who respects himself instead of a victim begging for validation. You’ve built your life around rejection; it’s your comfort zone. Get out of it.

Get out of bed, get off the internet, fix your hygiene, build a damn life, and learn some social discipline. You need purpose, not pity. Women aren’t going to save you; they’ll only notice you once you save yourself.

[Sally]

When you’ve been hurt that many times, it’s easy to start believing the worst things people say about you. But those words they threw at you? That’s their cruelty, not your truth. You’re lonely, not broken.

And honestly, the way you’re talking about yourself… it sounds like you’ve been living inside pain for so long that you can’t see anything else. Anyone would struggle like that.

There are women who won’t care that you’re inexperienced. What matters is that you show up as a real person, not someone hiding under all that shame.

Maybe start small. Get out of the house a little. Talk to people without expecting anything from it. Let your world get a tiny bit bigger.

You’re not a loser. You’re just hurting. And you don’t have to stay there.

[Natalie Noah]

You can feel the weight of decades of loneliness, rejection, and self-doubt pressing down on him. It’s clear he’s highly intelligent, creative, and reflective he’s articulate, well-read, and capable of deep introspection. But all of that brilliance is tangled up in pain, past trauma, and layers of self-criticism. Being diagnosed with Asperger’s in adulthood, combined with a history of substance abuse and a criminal record, clearly amplifies his challenges in forming romantic connections. The repeated rejections he’s endured have left him feeling numb and hopeless, and it’s understandable that he equates himself with failure. What’s so important to recognize here is that he is not a “loser,” no matter what harsh words he’s heard from others, he is a human being who has experienced extraordinary struggles, and that deserves empathy, not judgment.

Reading about his thoughts on women and intimacy, it’s obvious that his anxieties are intense and complicated. His obsessive and often graphic concerns about sexual inexperience and fears around women’s sexual past are likely tied to both Asperger’s-related social processing differences and the profound isolation he’s endured. These thoughts, while distressing to him, also show that he craves connection and intimacy desperately but the fear and overthinking have built walls around his ability to engage naturally. This is a psychological hurdle, not a moral flaw, and it’s something that could benefit from very targeted therapeutic support, especially around social skills, sexual health, and emotional regulation.

April Masini’s advice to prioritize employment and self-sufficiency is extremely practical. It might seem frustrating to him, and I can understand why he might feel misunderstood, but she is emphasizing that a stable life foundation is essential before meaningful romantic connections can realistically occur. Women, like all people, respond to confidence, independence, and forward momentum not just potential or intellectual brilliance. Her push for tangible action, like getting a job, restructuring his life, and tackling the practical barriers first, is really about giving him a platform from which intimacy and romance become possible. Without that base, the anxiety and fixation he feels are likely to persist and grow.

At the same time, April’s advice also touches on his mindset, the victimization, the obsessive focus on rejection, and the cycle of self-pity. It’s understandable why he feels victimized; his experiences have been traumatic. But Natalie’s heart wants to remind him gently: recognizing pain is different from letting it define you. There’s a balance between acknowledging trauma and refusing to let it dictate your future. He has incredible potential to redirect his energy toward life-affirming actions: therapy, social skill development, career advancement, and eventually, safe, healthy romantic experiences. That shift in focus is what could start to dissolve the intense shame and fear that have been his constant companions.

Finally, my tender advice to Matt would be to embrace patience and small steps. Life hasn’t been kind, and his struggles are real but his story doesn’t end in despair. He can seek specialized therapy for Asperger’s adults, work with career coaches or vocational programs to build independence, and gradually practice social engagement in safe, structured ways. Romantic experience and intimacy can come later, and they will feel more achievable once he’s strengthened his foundation. Right now, it’s about reclaiming self-respect, creating stability, and practicing kindness toward himself. His path forward won’t be instant or easy, but it’s far from impossible. And, sweet soul, he deserves connection, love, and fulfillment just as much as anyone else.

[KeishaMartin]

This thread is not “tragic romance,” it’s a slow-motion car crash with the hazard lights on. You aren’t unlucky with women, he’s intoxicated by his own misery. There’s a massive difference between pain and permission, and somewhere along the line he decided pain gave him a free pass to rage, blame, fantasize, and spiral. Rejection didn’t break him, rumination did. What’s seductive to no one is self-pity wrapped in entitlement. Women didn’t reject him because he was a virgin, unemployed, or awkward, they rejected the energy: bitterness, fixation, and a refusal to take responsibility. Confidence isn’t bravado, it’s accountability with a backbone.

Now let’s talk about sexual paranoia and obsession because whew… that part was not spicy, just rotten. Obsessing over women’s bodies, projecting fear, jealousy, and resentment onto anatomy is what happens when desire mixes with shame and zero real-world intimacy. That’s not sexuality, that’s anxiety wearing a trench coat. And the cruelty? The emails, the fantasies of harm? That’s not “releasing emotions,” that’s weaponizing them. Pain explains behavior, it never excuses it. Wanting connection while simultaneously dehumanizing women is like begging for warmth while pouring gasoline on the fire. Pick one.

This is where I give April Masini her flowers, because she did what most people won’t: she didn’t coddle, she didn’t flirt with the dysfunction, and she didn’t let manipulation slide. April stayed grounded, direct, and unshakable, that’s grown-woman authority. She kept redirecting him to action, not because she’s cold, but because she understands something crucial: nobody can love you into becoming functional. You earn attraction by building a life, not by arguing your wounds into being desirable. April didn’t fail him, he resisted change.

I hope this Christmas brings clarity instead of chaos, accountability instead of excuses, and maybe a damn good party where people laugh instead of spiral. Pour the eggnog, turn up the music, kiss someone under the mistletoe when you’ve earned it, and leave the ghosts of bitterness out in the cold. New year, new energy because nobody wants to unwrap resentment for Christmas.

[Member]

Posts