[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I’m feeling quite hurt at the moment and I have no idea whether I should be telling anyone, but I’m a guy of 18 and I had my first sexual experience recently, but it ended in complete disaster. I don’t know why, but I ended up being with an older woman (32), not what I expected, but I was quite nervous that everything went well anyway. Well, everything did go very well – we did not have full sex, maybe another day – but she did use her hands. For about half an hour, everything was fine, but then when it got to the point where I had to ‘you know’, well, it happened, but she said quite a few negative things after, and I ended up feeling totally rotten. I’ve since looked up some things online about what she said and it seems maybe it is true, but I had no idea it was such a big deal. Totally have no idea what to do next, feel totally short of confidence to meet any more women after this. 😕

[Ask April Masini]

It’s really a shame if one woman can ruin your feelings about sex — SO DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN!! 😉 It sounds like from what you describe she was just insensitive and mean — both factors that don’t lead to success in ANYONE’S bedroom whether it’s with a virgin or an experienced man. Everyone has success and failure in the bedroom, but what makes for being a good lover is understanding, empathy and frankly, a sense of humor. Knowing that whatever happened to you (and if you give me a few more details I can help you further) happens to everyone (trust me on this — whatever it was!), is part of what makes a lover a good lover.

While it’s a good idea not to have sex with her again, since she’s proved herself to be a bad lover because of her lack of understanding of sex, it IS a good idea to continue to explore sex with women you deem to be kind, understanding, interested in having sex with you and interested in you as more than someone with whom to have sex with. I know that’s possibly a tall order for a guy who’s got percolating hormones right now, but it will lead to a better yield in great sexual experiences.

I hope that helps — let me know how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Thanks April,

I feel a bit more positive now 🙂 I will have a look for your book later, it sounds interesting! I always find it nice to read, but I may try to hide it from my friends – don’t want everyone to know what I am concerned about 🙂

Well, I didn’t explain well what the problem was I guess because I was a bit embarrassed and was hoping somehow you’d be able to guess – so I will try to explain here as well as I can. I basically think that there was a bit too much mess afterwards. 😕 I didn’t think about it before, as I’d only ever masturbated so had nobody to tell me if there was anything wrong. But I got home and I searched on some medical help sites and saw something that was a bit worrying. It said that most men ejaculate 2-5ml and if it is regularly over 5ml, then this is something called hyperspermia which is abnormal, but it did not really explain what effects it had or anything. So, I searched other sites and they said the same – it is abnormal, but nothing else. Is it dangerous, should I go see a doctor? I feel slightly embarrassed to go to a doctor about this, so I’d like to be sure I actually need to go first. I’ve done a few self-tests at home to see if I was abnormal, and this worried me more because I did not even get close to 5ml. The lowest I managed to get was around 25ml, and most times it is 30ml or above. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or if there is a way to make less, but I’m just worried because everywhere I look says ‘abnormal’.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I feel like I am scared to do anything with anyone else till I find out if everything is OK!

[Ask April Masini]

There is nothing wrong with you from what you describe. Sex is messy and everything you describe is totally normal. So, don’t read any more medical data and don’t measure anything when it comes to sex. You’re fine — except that you had a less than perfect first partner.

Now, it’s time for you to move on and find a woman who really cares about you — not just about sex. During the course of anyone’s and everyone’s sex lives there will be embarrassing moments and it’s important to trust your partner not to make you (or for you to make her) feel weird or embarrassed. Trust me — there will be women in your sex life future who will look to you to tell them that what they did was okay or right or normal.

Because sex is private, we don’t see what others do behind closed doors, and there is no teacher who shows a class how to perform sexually and what to say or do in different situations, so experiences like yours can lead to anxiety and shame when someone tells you you’re doing it wrong. I’m glad you told me your story so I can assure you’re YOU’RE JUST FINE. RELAX. ENJOY.

[goldengun]

If April’s fine advice hasn’t convinced you, at least talk to a doctor.

And stop being so insecure… just come straight out with it exactly like you typed here. They are NOT going to be surprised by what you say anymore than a mechanic would be surprised that you tell them your car is making an “abnormal” noise. It’s their job.

Anyway, from my experience… sex is messy, but some women don’t mind it… and, some women love it 🙂 You just ran into a bad apple.

Keep your chin up man.

[Ask April Masini]

Thanks for that, [b]goldengun[/b]. One bad apple, indeed! 🙂

[Anonymous]

Well, thanks April for your advice, it’s certainly making me feel a bit better and more courageous! It seems that somehow making more of the stuff is not so bad as I thought it was.

Goldengun, I would never have thought any woman would actually like or ‘love’ it as you say. I know this woman has now been labelled a bad apple, but I remember that she didn’t mind so much about it being on her body, it was when it hit the wall behind the bed and also there was a big patch on the pillow. I don’t know but maybe the place where it went was the problem somehow? Maybe most women would not like it going everywhere? I’m a worrier, I know! But at least I know the amount doesn’t seem to be a negative thing. Thanks for putting my chin up again 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

I’m really glad I could help — and you got really good help from readers on this forum as well. 🙂 See what happens when you put your embarrassment aside and find the courage to talk about your problems? You get information you didn’t have before that helps you — [i]and [/i]you get the courage to realize there’s nothing wrong with you and that other people share your situation. I hope that this helps not just for this situation, but for your future with any problems you may encounter.

Good luck!

[josephdaniel]

Why are you letting yourself down from a saying from an older woman. Instead of worrying, why don’t you share your experience?
>

[Silcox]

Hey, I’m new to this forum. I broke up with my bf after 4 years of relationships. I feel so depressed now. I don’t want nothing. Literally nothing.
I thought he loves me.
But I try not to forget that my life is going on

[smithclarkson01]

Hey, I’m new to this forum. I broke up with my bf after 4 years of relationships. I feel so depressed now. I don’t want nothing. Literally nothing.
I thought he loves me.
But I try not to forget that my life is going on
[/quote]

be busy with your work and you’ll forget all easily, trust me .. it worked for me

[Roww]

Uhmm! Are you still depressed? ah!ah!ah! Break ups don’t mean shit

[PassionSeeker]

Reading this really resonated with me. Sometimes we let one painful experience define something that should be beautiful and mutual — but it doesn’t have to stay that way. I’ve learned that real intimacy isn’t just about sex, it’s about feeling safe, understood, and valued. When both people bring empathy and kindness into the space, everything changes. Don’t let someone’s lack of care make you doubt your worth or what you deserve. You’re allowed to start fresh — with someone who truly sees you.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… first of all, that woman was outta line 😤 you’re 18, brand new to all this, and she should’ve been kind!! that says more about her energy than yours. your first time isn’t supposed to be perfect, it’s supposed to be human. don’t let one bad moment rewrite your worth. confidence doesn’t come from performance, it comes from how you treat people. you’ll have better, safer, kinder experiences trust that. 💔✨

[Ethan Morales]

What happened to you sounds less like a failure on your part and more about the woman you were with. From what you described, she was insensitive and critical, which can be incredibly discouraging, especially during a first sexual experience. At 18, it’s normal to feel nervous and unsure, and it’s completely unfair for someone to make you feel “rotten” about something that’s a natural learning process.

April Masini’s advice is spot on: don’t let this one experience define your view of sex or your confidence with women. Everyone has awkward moments at first, and the key is to learn and grow from them, ideally with partners who are understanding, patient, and supportive not critical or dismissive.

A few important points: This isn’t a reflection of your ability: You’re new at this, so nerves, mistakes, or uncertainty are normal. The partner matters: Being with someone kind, empathetic, and communicative is far more important than the mechanics of sex. Take your time: It’s okay to pause and process your feelings before jumping into another sexual encounter. You’re allowed to feel hurt and need space to regain confidence. Focus on connection over performance: Learning to communicate and enjoy intimacy is more important than “getting it right” the first time.

This was a bad experience, not a reflection of you, and you shouldn’t avoid sexual relationships forever just be more selective and patient. Confidence comes from experience, but also from being with partners who lift you up rather than tear you down.

[Author]

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