[bruin83]

Hi April,
For the past 4 months I have reconnected with a girl I had a difficult past with. About 7 years ago we were still in high school, I was approaching the end of my senior year when we began talking and hanging out. At that time I wasn’t very interested in a relationship with her, and like the old saying goes whoever cares the least has the most power, and I didn’t treat her that well. Even though we didn’t officially go out, she had strong feelings for me and at the time I was more interested in chasing around as many girls as I could, and it really hurt her feelings. I went away to college to a different state, and we remained in contact until we started dating other people and would only talk to say merry christmas and happy birthday things like that. Fast forward to May of this year, she ended a 3 year long relationship with a guy who cheated on her multiple times, including when she was dealing with a death in her family. We began talking again, and since we have grown very close. At 25 I have matured in my thinking and am looking for a genuine relationship, which wasnt the case when I was 18. We share a great bond as friends, and we have an amazing time when we get a chance to see each other( she lives 6 hours away). We have a unique chemistry, and our conversations are filled with laughter and a deep appreciation of the time we spend together. I am beginning to have very strong feelings for her, much more than I did in the past, and I realize how much of an ahole I was in the past, which I acknowledge to her all the time, and she usually tells me its ok. However, whenever she gets a intoxicated she always brings up the past, and says things like ” we could never date”, and tends to deflect any mention of us doing so. She is not like this when we are sober, and my question is this a reflection of how she feels or is it more of her lashing out because of her recent relationship? I am very confused and feel like I am getting mixed signals. She still texts me and calls me and says she misses me, and I do the same but I am not sure what to make of it when she says things like we could never date. Am I wasting my time? Or is she just very confused herself? I am beginning to question if this is a lost cause and the scars of our past are too much to overcome. Also the fact that she has two years of grad. school left before she moves back here, is that a factor in her maybe pushing me away? Tomorrow we are going to dinner and I am thinking of just talking about all of this, but I am worried about what she will say. If you have any advice it would help greatly. Sorry for the length but I figured some context would help! Thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Talk is cheap — and my advice is to stop talking about what you want and instead, show her. That she’s agreed to have dinner with you is a great step. You’re going to have to win her over, and you’re going to have to do it in ways that are new to her and maybe you. Start with flowers. Make sure you have your best manners on, and choose a romantic restaurant with candlelight, cloth napkins, and a special menu. Be the prince in shining armor that she is looking for.

Whenever you show her anything that resembles your old self — the self that cheated on her — it’s going to have a negative reaction from her. If you want to be her boyfriend, be the man she’s looking for.

You can get a lot more tips and advice if you read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to win the woman of their dreams. You can buy it for $8.99 and download it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. I hope you’ll read it because I think it will help you evolve into that guy she’s looking for — so you get the woman YOU’RE looking for! 😉

Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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