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I’m in a bit of a tough situation. I recently started seeing a man who has advanced stage Lyme Disease. He does not work full-time and primarily lives on disability benefits. Although we have only been dating for a little while, in the beginning this did not bother me. However, things have since changed. While I’m ashamed to admit this, lately, I’ve been questioning if I should continue seeing him because of his situation. I’ve been starting to think about what it would mean for our future and it has me worried. I never pictured myself being in a relationship where I’d be the primary earner, and more so, I don’t know what to expect as his disease progresses. I’m afraid I won’t be able to cope and will make for a poor caregiver, as I’ve never looked after anyone other than myself. I’m also afraid of what others would think of him. I know there is a lot of stigma surrounding people on disability. This all being said, my conflict is despite all said above, I can honestly say I’ve never met a man like him in all my life. I have a history of tumultuous experiences with men (I am both a sexual assault and abuse survivor), and for the first time in my life, I feel like I have found someone who genuinely cares for and respects me. He is warm, funny, supportive and I absolutely love being around him. We have a lot in common and can spend hours on end just talking and laughing. I just can’t seem to get past his situation and am really struggling with how to proceed with this relationship. What should I do? Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you’re looking for a future with a partner, and while this guy seemed interesting at first, after dating for three months, you have some concerns about compatibility. You don’t need to feel ashamed. You have questions about his illness and a potential life together, and this is the perfect time to talk to him about what you want to know and don’t. In fact, the three month mark of dating anyone is when you decide whether or not you want to continue dating them. So you’re right on schedule! 😉

So, lose the shame — it’s not really serving you. In fact, it’s holding you back. You have to be honest with yourself when you’re dating. Otherwise, you’ll misrepresent yourself and create drama. Talk to him about Lyme disease and ask questions. He’ll probably be relieved that you’re bringing it up and want to know more. If you need to know more, there are Lyme Disease organizations and information outlets that specialize in disseminating information with authority — and these would be great resources for you now.

As for dating someone who is on permanent disability and does not work full time, do some soul searching while you’re dating. Talk to him about how this might work in the future and how anyone he may wind up with possibly having to be a primary bread winner. It’s very healthy to get this out and discuss it with him. But bottom line — you have to learn about you and what you want. There are people who don’t want kids and have to break up with single parents they’re dating and love — because kids are a deal breaker. There are people who only want to wind up with someone of a particular religion or income group — and they have to make tough choices, too. Do what is right for you — because that’s really what is going to be right for him, too. 😉

[Ethan Morales]

April Masini’s advice is solid and practical, and I’d break it down like this:
Your feelings are valid You’re noticing the realities of his illness, his financial situation, and the potential future caregiving demands. None of this is “shameful” to feel; it’s part of evaluating compatibility. You’re being responsible and realistic.

Timing is appropriate Three months is a natural point to assess whether a relationship has long-term potential. It’s not too soon to notice these concerns. In fact, addressing them early prevents bigger issues later.

Open communication is essential You need to have honest conversations with him about: His Lyme disease and how it might progress. His expectations for your roles in the relationship (financial, emotional, caregiving). How you would both navigate challenges and support each other.

Transparency now avoids resentment or unrealistic expectations in the future. Assess your boundaries and needs – It’s okay to acknowledge that: You may not want to be the primary caregiver or primary earner indefinitely. You need a partner whose life circumstances allow you both to thrive.

This is about compatibility, not morality or character. You can love someone and still realize the practical aspects may not match what you need. Research and educate yourself Understanding Lyme disease progression, disability benefits, and what caregiving might involve will give you clarity. Knowledge reduces fear and helps you make an informed decision.

Value his character, but don’t ignore practical realities His warmth, humor, and respect are wonderful qualities, and it’s important not to dismiss that. However, strong character alone doesn’t solve long-term practical challenges like health, finances, and caregiving needs.
You need to be honest with both yourself and him. The relationship might be amazing emotionally, but if you foresee practical incompatibilities in the long-term especially related to health, finances, and caregiving — it’s okay to step back. Conversely, if after discussion, you feel ready and equipped to support him, you can move forward confidently. This is a classic case of emotional connection vs. practical compatibility, and both deserve careful consideration

[Isabella Jones]

That’s such a heartfelt and honest message, and I really admire the way you’ve opened up about both your fears and your compassion. It sounds like this man has brought a kind of peace and kindness into your life that you haven’t felt before, and that’s something truly special. But it’s also okay to admit that his condition and the uncertainty that comes with it scare you. Love can be deep and real, and still leave you with questions about the future.

I dated someone once who was going through a serious health condition, and I remember feeling torn the same way you do now. I cared deeply, but I was also afraid of what loving them might demand from me. What helped me was getting honest with myself about whether my heart could love him as he was, not as I wished he could be someday. Because love tied to potential eventually breaks under the weight of reality.

It’s not wrong to want stability, and it’s not unkind to want a future that feels manageable. What matters is facing those truths gently, without guilt. 💛

Can I ask you something? When you picture the future with him, do you feel peace or fear more often? Your answer might quietly tell you what your heart already knows.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

you’re just being human babe. 😔 you can adore this man and still recognize that his illness changes the math of your future but what matters is honesty. if you stay out of guilt or pity, it’ll rot the relationship from the inside. don’t make this decision from fear or fantasy. make it from truth. 💔

[Tara]

You’re not a monster for thinking about the reality of dating someone with a chronic, progressive illness. You’re human. But here’s the part you don’t want to admit: you’re already halfway out the door. The moment you started worrying about being the primary earner, being a caregiver, being judged by others, and what his future might demand of you — you emotionally checked out. You’re trying to force a future your instincts are already rejecting.

You’re clinging to him because he treats you better than the garbage men you’ve dealt with before. That doesn’t mean he’s the right long-term partner. It just means your standards were so damaged by trauma that basic kindness feels like a soulmate connection. Warm, funny, and respectful shouldn’t be rare — but for you, it feels like gold because you’ve been through hell.

But a relationship isn’t just about how someone makes you feel today. It’s about what you can realistically handle tomorrow. You’re already imagining resentment, exhaustion, and responsibility you don’t have the emotional capacity for. And the worst thing you can do — for both of you — is stay out of guilt, fear, or pity. He deserves a partner who wants the load that comes with his life, not someone white-knuckling it because he’s the first man who didn’t hurt her.

You’re not afraid of his illness. You’re afraid of disappointing him by choosing yourself. But here’s the blunt truth: choosing yourself is the only honest move. If you can’t envision building a life with him without dread, you need to walk away — now — while it’s still early and before you become his emotional lifeline.

[Sally]

It’s hard when your heart pulls one way and the reality of someone’s life pulls another. And none of this makes you cold or selfish. It just means you’re imagining the whole picture, not just the good parts.

Loving someone doesn’t automatically make you ready for the weight that comes with their situation. And you shouldn’t push yourself into a life you secretly fear. That kind of pressure always shows up later.

But don’t ignore the part of you that finally feels safe with someone. That matters more than people talk about.

Maybe just slow down. You don’t have to decide his whole future or yours tonight. Stay honest with him and with yourself. See how it feels when you’re not trying to force an answer.
Sometimes clarity shows up quietly when you stop panicking about the destination.

[Author]

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