[misschris]

Hi April!

I need advice on breaking up during the holiday season… Specifically: How can one end a long, intense romantic relationship with finesse if the break should happen during the holiday season (it’s tricky this time of year, with Thanksgiving, religious holidays, and of course the New Year kiss)… And how does one rebound with the New Year’s positive attitude?

Thank you!

Best,
MissChris

[carac]

Hi April,

I need some advice. I am interested in a guy at my gym. He was in a relationship with a girl and it appears to have ended months ago. She goes there also, but I notice they don’t even speak to each other anymore.
When is the right time to approach someone after they breakup with someone?
It appears to me, that she is over him because she ignores him. I am not sure if he is over her, because I notice how he looks at her when she is there.

He is the kind of guy that only had eyes for her. I never saw him speak to another girl nor have I seen him look at any girls in interest. So it makes it hard to determine if he is over her.

I heard from someone else she is already seeing someone else.

I have read many advice columns that say women shouldn’t approach men. Men should approach women. It is against “The Rules of Dating”.
I can tell this guy is different from other guys. He seems like a nice guy. He doesn’t flirt or hit on the women in the gym like most of the other guys there.
Should I wait to see if he notices me?What should I do if anything?

Thanks,
CaraC

[bluewatergal]

April,

I started reading “Think & Date Like a Man” today and am totally blown away. What an unbelievable resource! I make it my daily practice to learn how to improve my life and to live more consciously. Your book covers the gamut of my other material with regard to personal development and relationships in one volume.

At 44 I have done well in many areas of my life save one: my relationships with men. Some of my realtionships ended well in that I have a lasting friendship with mutual respect with those persons. Others, not so well. The key here is my choices have not been good overall. For the most part, I have dated beneath my station in life. My friends and family have lamented my choices and put up with them. I know my behavior is the result of a poor self-image despite my achievements and outward confidence.

Now that I am aware of this, it is my singular goal to improve this area of my life. I have worked hard at my small business and I am financially stable and independent. I have been told time and again I am not lacking for looks and intelligence. Yet, I have never been able to envision myself with a man of status. Somwhere in my life I must have decided early on I was disqualified for this position. Regardless, I am now taking steps within to make the change without.

If I have one regret, it is that I was not exposed to the application and principles in your book at an earlier age. How much pain it would have saved me and those around me. I am grateful for your effort to educate women in this so-called era of liberation. As independent as I am and having worked in a male dominated field my whole career, I would gladly attend a charm school now. I love being a woman, and only now am I learning where my true power lies. Its not about being a tough or man-ish. Its about cultivating elegance, grace and celebrating life.

[sifasflame]

Hi April
I need some help my hubby of 4 yes now had been talking about he first true love that took off with out saying anything.
now he is saying that she might have had his kid she had been going for 7 or 8 years.
when we set down and was talking he told me that if it was true that she did have his kid that he was going to drop me and the kids and go back to her.
i dont know what to do I dont sleep at night and I dont know what i am going to tall my kids me and him had a kid 3 month prime this man has been throw it all but i dont know if i can put up with this women i am beside my self i dont what the kids to not have a father but i dont what to be hurt in all of this and that is what i fill is going to happen i have no one to talk to about this I would love to here what you have to say should i stay with him and hope that he does not find her or should i take the kids and just go

heat broke mom

[Smokey]

Hi April,

Happen to come across this forum by chance and I just like to say that you got a great thing here.
Keep up the good work 🙂

Smokey.

[relation]

Supporting Smokey’s point of view, I also liked this forum a lot. If you promote it further it can do really well… All the best and keep up the good work!

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Please let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Ethan Morales]

Breaking up during the holidays sucks, but it can be done with dignity and care. Here’s a clear plan you can follow (and sample lines you can use), plus how to survive and actually use the New Year to reset rather than rebound blindly.

Decide the why and the when (you own this). Be brutally honest with yourself first: why are you ending it? If the reason is “I don’t see a future” or “we’ve grown apart,” say that. Don’t use “timing” as your main excuse, it’s kinder to accept the discomfort now than string someone along because the calendar is convenient. Pick a specific day and time that gives both of you privacy and space to process (not right before a big family event, and not in public).

How to do it the conversation itself (short, direct, compassionate), Face-to-face if at all possible. Sit down, start with the truth, take responsibility for your part, and end without false promises. Keep it brief more clarity, less drama. Example script:

“I care deeply about you and I don’t want to hurt you, which is why I’m being honest. Over the last months I’ve realized we want different things and I don’t see a future for us. I think it’s kinder to end this now than to make promises I can’t keep. I’m sorry I know this is painful.”
Don’t fall into debate or negotiation. If the other person wants to talk more later, offer a time to continue don’t get pulled into endless on-the-spot bargaining.

Logistics and boundaries around the holidays Be clear about holiday plans immediately after the conversation. If you share travel, kids, or events, outline specifics: who attends what, when exchanges happen, and how you’ll communicate. If you’re single and they’re staying in the shared home, don’t leave them without clarity this is not the moment for vague “we’ll figure it out.” If you have children, prioritize their routine and present a united plan for transitions even if emotions are raw. Put logistics in writing (a calm text or email) so there’s no confusion.

Gifts, social circles and family: practical rules

Gifts: If it’s practical/fair to return or split gifts, do so gracefully. Don’t weaponize presents.

Parties: Decide who will attend which family/friend gatherings and communicate it. If you normally go together to big family dinners, it’s okay to skip the ones that feel like traps; it’s also okay to go separately if you can be civil.

Mutual friends: Be explicit about boundaries (no triangulating friends for gossip). Ask friends to avoid taking sides publicly.

Surviving the immediate aftermath your emotional first aid You’ll feel waves shame, relief, grief, anger. Do a few concrete things: sleep, hydrate, tell one trusted friend, and schedule a short walk the next morning. Avoid major life decisions for 30 days. Disable or pause social-media hookups that encourage rebound behavior. If you lean on the “New Year, new person” fantasy, slow down rebound sex might feel good but often delays real healing.

Using the New Year properly reset not rebound Treat January as a personal reboot, not a dating sprint. Set one small practical goal (get your sleep right, start a class, rebuild finances, or a regular workout). If you want to date later, make plans to do it intentionally: join something new, don’t jump on dating apps the first week, and give yourself at least one month of single time to recalibrate. If you’re worried about loneliness on New Year’s Eve, plan a low-pressure event with friends, a short trip, or a reflective evening (write a letter to yourself about what you learned and what you want next).

Do be honest, be decisive, put logistics in writing, protect kids’ routines, get immediate support.
Don’t leave it vague, promise “let’s see,” broadcast humiliation on social media, or rush into rebound relationships to “erase” the pain.

[PassionSeeker]

Breaking up during the holidays is hard, but avoiding it because of timing only deepens the pain. You can end a relationship with kindness and clarity, even now.

Be honest and direct: choose a calm, private setting not at a party or family event. Lead with care but don’t blur your message. Say something like, “I care about you, but I’ve realized we’re not meant to move forward together. It’s painful, but I need to be honest rather than pretend through the holidays.” Don’t debate or promise friendship immediately give both of you space to breathe.

Handle logistics gracefully: if you share events, plans, or mutual friends, communicate boundaries early. You’re not responsible for how others feel about the breakup, only for doing it respectfully.

Afterward, focus on healing not replacing. Skip the New Year rebound and instead use the clean slate for reflection, rest, and small goals that rebuild your confidence. Let your peace be your celebration. Ending something honestly now opens space for something real later.

[Marcus king]

Alright, let’s be real for a second there’s no perfect time to break up with someone you’ve been deeply involved with. Holidays just make the emotional lighting brighter. But staying in something that’s already over doesn’t spare anyone pain it just delays it and adds resentment on top.

So here’s how you move through it with dignity, compassion, and a clean exit:

First, be direct but gentle. Don’t wait for a holiday to pass or a new year to start. That’s how people end up blindsiding someone right after they’ve opened gifts or kissed at midnight. If the relationship is done, speak from the truth now. Choose a private space, stay calm, and own your decision no blaming, no rehashing old fights. Something like, “I care about you, but I’ve realized I’m not able to move forward in this relationship the way you deserve. It’s better to be honest now than to pretend through the holidays.” Clear. Kind. Final.

Second, keep boundaries after the breakup. No holiday check-ins. No “just seeing how you are.” That only pulls both of you back into confusion. Grief feels worse when the ending is blurry. Make the ending clean.

Now for you. When the new year hits, don’t try to rebound by forcing joy or jumping into something new. You don’t need to “replace” them you need to recenter yourself. Start small: reconnect with your routines, see people who pour into you, take yourself out somewhere you love. The goal isn’t to feel instantly better the goal is to remember who you are without them.

The positive attitude part comes naturally once you’re not carrying something that’s been weighing you down. Ending things now isn’t ruining the holidays it’s refusing to drag a dead relationship into a brand new year. And that’s actually one of the most loving decisions you can make for yourself.

You’ll be okay not because it won’t hurt, but because you’re choosing truth over comfort. And that’s how you walk into January lighter, instead of haunted.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… breaking up during the holidays is basically emotional tax season 😭 everyone’s pretending to be jolly while you’re trying not to cry into the mashed potatoes. but listen, there’s no good time to end something that’s already over. better to drop the weight now than drag it into a new year ✨💋

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