[lostkitty89]

its a long story, but i’ll try to make it short. i’ve been with my boyfriend for a semi rough 9 months and i just found out i’m pregnant… 3 weeks ago (before i found out) my boyfriend and i were arguing so to get my mind off things i went to hang out with some friends i hadn’t seen for a while. my ex was there. I got drunk and cheated on my boyfriend with my ex (i remember we used a condom) . a couple weeks later i find out i’m pregnant. the nurse said i’m 5 weeks. which means that it wouldn’t be my ex’s. i can’t shake the guilt and the fear that it might be my ex’s. plus my boyfriend knows i’m pregnant but doesn’t know i cheated on him. Idk what to do, if i should confess to my boyfriend… I’m driving myself nuts. there has been a lot of drama with my boyfriend and for the first time i lied to my boyfriend and got caught. i guess i should’ve admitted to cheating then, but we’re just now starting to get over every thing that has happened i guess. he’s bipolar and having trouble with depression, i’m afraid of making him worse… i’m even more afraid to not tell him ❓

[AskApril Masini]

First of all, you said that you used a condom when you had sex with your ex, so chances are good that you didn’t get pregnant with him. Second, your nurse told you that you were five weeks pregnant which means that according to your version of the story, you got pregnant with your boyfriend before you cheated with your ex. So, it’s probably not your ex’s baby. I know [i]probably[/i] isn’t much of a consolation — but frankly, you have other problems going on here.

It sounds like you have a very rocky relationship with your boyfriend and that cheating is a symptom of the problems. In addition, his bipolar disorder and depression can become big problems if he doesn’t take care of himself properly. But now you’re going to be a mother, and he’s going to be the father. This means that you have to step up your game and start doing things for the baby — and not just for yourself. 😉

Normally, I suggest that if you date someone else (or even sleep with them) during a break up, it isn’t anyone’s business. But it sounds like you weren’t broken up when you cheated. These secrets have a way of getting found out and if your boyfriend finds out before you have a chance to confess your indiscretion, you’ve got even bigger trust issues than you will if you admit your dalliance to him. Don’t get me wrong — he’s going to be furious and that may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, so to speak, but it’s better to be honest about what happened.

You’re both going to be parents and you’ll be raising a child (hopefully) together, so it’s best to start out, if you can, from a place of honesty. This won’t be easy, but it’s important.

Let me know how things go! Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[lostkitty89]

well i haven’t told him yet. things are such a mess. it feels like every thing is falling apart. we’ve been fighting since saturday. we finally stopped arguing a couple hours ago. He mentioned that he thought i am seeing some one else, which i’m not. we both feel distance from the other and not sure what to do. all the extra hormones aren’t helping either and one of his complaints. we’ve been planning to move to missouri so i can help my mom and my mom can help with the kids. now it looks like i might need to leave a little sooner cuz my mom fell, hurt her wrist and is having a hard time taking care of herself because of arthritis. i’m afraid of how this would affect our relationship with the ways things are going. we don’t handle being seperated well. its been hard living just 20 min apart. when i talk to my family or close friends they say i should just let it go. i feel torn and lost. there’s been so much, i just wish the rollercoaster would slow down.

[AskApril Masini]

There is no roller coaster. The problem is that you keep taking on situations that you shouldn’t. 😳 Of course you’re going to feel out of control! 🙄 YOU’RE the one who’s out of control! It’s not some roller coaster. It’s you.

You took on a boyfriend with bipolar disorder and depression. Then you cheated on him. You didn’t use birth control with your boyfriend or the guy you cheated with. You got pregnant. And now you’re going to take care of your mother instead of taking care of the new family you’ve created. 😯

I hope that wasn’t too harsh, but I’m hoping you can start seeing that you have a part in creating this situation and that you can start slowing things down and making them more manageable by making smart choices! 😀 So, now it’s time for you to control what you can. You have to start creating the best situation for your baby. Your relationship with your boyfriend seems to have been rocky for the entire 9 months you’ve been in it, and his bipolar disorder and depression coupled with your pregnancy hormones are challenging, but since you want to make things work with your boyfriend, you have to put your energy into that relationship. Since you’re aware that you and he don’t tolerate separations, [i]then don’t make one. [/i] My advice is that you not leave your boyfriend now. Next to your baby, your boyfriend has to be your priority. Your mom will understand that you’re pregnant and you’re having relationship problems that are crucial right now. You’re the one that needs support now — not her. She can get another relative or to help her or else she can hire help or just take it easy. Lots of people deal with arthritis — and my concern is that you keep putting yourself in situations that are not good for you. [i]That’s the pattern you need to stop. [/i]

Encourage your boyfriend to see a doctor and make sure his bipolar disorder is being properly treated. Then you need to get into a support group for people who live with those who have bipolar disorder so you can better learn to interact with him. Figure out why you’re fighting and what YOUR part in the fighting is. I know you’re pregnant and preoccupied but try being the girlfriend you were when he fell in love with you. Don’t forget to nurture the relationship you have with him.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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