[moba18]

I am trying to get help understanding my ex and wondering if she still has feelings at all.

Basically, we went out for about a year, we both loved each other and the one relationship I’ve had since was nothing like the first emotionally. She was a year older than me and so when she was in senior year of college she was more focused on school and I was a bit more relaxed so I wanted to spend more time together than she did. We slowly stopped hanging out as much because she wanted to focus on work/school instead of going with me to hangouts/parties, and eventually she said she wanted to take a break because I upset her one day. The next day she said she wanted to get back together but I was stubborn and said I think a break is good, and since then we’ve been broken up.

Now it’s a little over a year later and I am going to be moving into an apartment complex that I randomly figured out from a friend is where she lives currently. No big deal, but I decided to send her a message asking how the place is since it’s been over a year since we really talked and I figured she might have a useful opinion. She’s normally very much the shy one and never initiates to a guy, she waits for guys to make the move.

Anyways, she quickly responded telling me the place is great and even offered to give me a tour of her apartment which I did, and we ended up basically just catching up and I realize how I still sort of miss her and am not really sure why we broke up in the first place since it wasn’t nasty or very clear at the time. I can’t tell if she was just being nice by inviting me over when I just asked how the place was, or if that was a sign that she might still have feelings as well. I realize it’s not usually a good idea to get back with an ex but I really did love her and I’ve changed from when we were going out. My one relationship during the past year or so was more physical than emotional and I realize from now on I don’t want to date unless there’s potential for a long-term relationship (i.e. marriage down the road).

Any ideas whether it’s just me, or if not what is an acceptable and non-creepy way of trying to contact her again to just see if she is still curious as well or if she’s totally moved on. I really would like to find out since I have been thinking about her a lot…

[Ask April Masini]

I think she’s interested from what you described. 🙂 Why don’t you invite her to have dinner when you move into the new place? If she says yes, you’ll have a date and you can see where things go and maybe even talk about what happened and how you’ve both changed (or not).

Let me know if that works.

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[moba18]

I’m glad you think she is interested based on that, it’s so hard to tell since she’s overall a nice person and could have easily done it to be friendly and to just catch up it seems. However, I won’t be moving into the new apartment for a little over 2 months which feels like a really long time to me. I just saw her 3 days ago and texted her happy bday today and I feel like I won’t be able to stop thinking about her for 2 months.

I don’t have any classes or any real reason to run into her until moving in though, so would it be a good idea to simply ask her to go to lunch or something before then like in a week or two? I feel like the worst case scenario is that she says she has moved on completely or isn’t still interested in which case there’s a month or so for the awkwardness to dissipate before we become neighbors.

[Ask April Masini]

Then ask her out now. 😀

There’s no way around the fear or the awkward — except cutting through it. People avoid discomfort, but it’s really a part of life, and it signals you to let you know you’re doing something outside your comfort zone. Ironically, practicing doing things like this and cutting through fear feeds your confidence. People who understand that rejection is just a part of life, aren’t afraid of it, and face up to it, the same way they do flossing their teeth! 😆 It’s not their favorite thing in the world to do, but the results are good in the long term.

It’s also much better to find out if she’s re-interested now, than to wonder for two months (wasting time) only to find out THEN that she’s not interested. Or…. if she IS interested you’ll have a great couple of months — and then some! 😉 Oh — and don’t ask her out by text. Call or ask her face to face. It’s a much better way to make a woman feel that the date means something. Hearing your voice is much sexier than reading your keystrokes. 😕

Good luck! 😀

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