[babanus]

I am in a relationship about leading to marriage and I am not comfortable with it. Please I am about marrying the mother of my two years old daughter and an unborn child. (she is seven months old pregnant for me) we had the. Daughter when I was still in a relationship that gave me my first daughter 5yrs old. I separated from her mom because we weren’t getting anywhere in the relationship and decided to marry the mother of my second and unborn children. But I am really confused because she is not committed to the relationship. Reasons she has this boyfriend she is so much in love with and she so cheated on him and that’s where we had my daughter she was dating me and him. And taught the pregnancy was his but ti her surprise it was mine. And that really brought our relationship closer and she git pregnant again. But my problem is that she is still in love with this her boyfriend. She talks about him everytime and cares so much that she will be worrying over his life and told that he is the only person if he dies she will cry for. She even have a tattoo of his name on her back. I have told her to remove it. But she said the process of removing it will cause skin damage or cancer. She calls him during odd hours and they text each other even when I am sleeping. She is currently living with me and our age difference is 22yrs. My problems is my other daughter is suffering and i don’t want my present children to suffer. That’s why I am committed in trying to make this one work. I need your advice on what to do. I want to marry her but I am confused.

[dejarose21]

Let her go. It’s not worth it. She shouldn’t be communicating with her ex. And she shouldn’t have two boyfriends, unless you’re comfortable being in an open relationship. Try to get custody of your kids if you’re worried about them. But this relationship isn’t worth it.

[AskApril Masini]

It doesn’t sound like this woman is into you, or you into her — and the fact that you met her because she was cheating on her boyfriend with you, wasn’t a good sign for a healthy future. 😕 So you shouldn’t marry her. And if you’re living together, you should move out. She’s in love with her ex. Not you.

As for your concern for the kids, since you’re about to have a third without any marriage involved, be single. Don’t date. Just focus on being a dad. Set up a custody schedule for all three kids, so you have scheduled time with them. This will make them feel less anxious about the your not living with them. And really — take a break from dating for a while and focus on the children you’ve fathered.

And if you don’t take that advice, at the very least, get some birth control and use it. If you keep having children with women you’re uncertain of, you’re definitely going to create chaos.

Hope that helps.

[Sally]

I’m going to be very honest with you, because kids are involved. This woman is not emotionally committed to you. Someone who is still in love with another man, talks about him constantly, calls and texts him in secret, and says she would only cry if he died is not choosing you. A tattoo of his name isn’t the problem her heart being somewhere else is. Marriage will not fix that. It will lock you into pain.

I understand why you’re staying. You want to protect your children. But growing up in a home where one parent isn’t truly present causes its own kind of suffering. Kids feel that tension.

You can be a responsible father without marrying someone who doesn’t love you the way you deserve. Don’t confuse duty with a lifetime sentence.

[Tara]

She is emotionally married to another man, publicly branded with his name on her body, emotionally invested in his survival, and actively maintaining a relationship with him while living under your roof and carrying your children. That is not “lack of commitment.” That is total loyalty to someone else and total disrespect for you.

Marrying her would not “save the children.” It would lock them into a household built on dishonesty, humiliation, and resentment. Children don’t suffer. When parents separate, they suffer because they stay in toxic arrangements and normalize betrayal. Right now, you are teaching your kids that a man tolerates being second place,

that love means swallowing disrespect, and that marriage is something you do out of obligation instead of conviction. That damage lasts longer than any breakup.
The age gap, the cheating history, the ongoing contact, the tattoo, the phone calls at night, none of these are accidents or misunderstandings. She has told you exactly where you stand. You are the provider, the safety net, the convenient option. The other man is the one she loves. You cannot compete with that, and you cannot fix it by marrying her. Marriage will not convert betrayal into loyalty it will only make your exit harder and more expensive.

Your responsibility is not to force a fake family. Your responsibility is to protect your children by refusing to build their future on a lie. Do not marry this woman. Establish boundaries, secure legal arrangements for your children, and remove yourself from a relationship where you are already being disrespected on a daily basis. If you go through with this marriage, you are choosing misery knowingly. That’s not confusion. That’s cowardice.

[Member]

Posts