[limboqueen]

I am 36 years old and have been dating a wonderful man for over 2 years. He owns a house 40 miles from where I live and work, so for the 2 years I visit him (started at a few times a week and has dwindled down to Saturday nights through Monday mornings). We talk everyday. When we are together things are wonderful, we could be classified as best friends who have awesome sex. He shows he loves me with his actions and care for me. We take vacations together, I’ve met all of his friends and family and he mine.

His marriage ended about a year before we met and it was particularly painful for him, in addition to that, he’s been in the process of trying to sell a business that has burdened him financially. So knowing this, I have been very lax as far as pursuing commitment. After all, everyone needs their space to get their lives on track…and he never let his life clean up affect the quality of our limited time together.

Here are my two issues: 1) He has never said to me that he loves me. To me it is odd considering that his persona is definately a deeply emotional, love everyone, relates to chick flicks type of individual..someone that speaks of connections and spirtuality and even how great our relationship is…but conversley there are no sentimental romantic overtures directly. Two years and not one “I love you”. [It wouldnt be fair if I didnt say that he as on occasion said”…that’s why you love me” or….”It’s okay, I’ll still love you”]

2) He does not seem to be concerned about our living arrangements. I’m not the harping type, but about once every 3-4 months I make it known that my goal in a relationship is to find my life ‘PARTNER” which would entail moving in together. I am getting ready to purchase my own house, and in this process he said ‘who knows, you may like it so much you will want to stay there forever’, to which I reiterated ‘Well, I hope not, I would think we would eventually live together. He replied ‘Oh of course, if our relationship is still as good in 2 or 3 years as it is now then we would definatly talk about co-habitating”. I did not pursue the topic, and let it slide as I usually do, but in my head I’m thinking TWO or THREE more YEARS???

I’m not sure what to do about this. He is so right for me in so many ways. But I sense he would be happy with our current arrangement forever (and this might be my fault for allowing a great relationship with all the space). No I love yous, no clear plan on when or if we will live together, and all of this reinforced with friends and family asking the “SO you guys moving in together soon?” and “SO when are you guys getting married?” questions. [One more note: I do not NEED to be married, but I sure would like to live with my life partner…not just date him forever.

I don’t harp on these topics with him because quite frankly I think he should be motivated by his hearts desire to say I love you or move in together. I would hate to think he would do either of these things not because he was moved by his own want, but because I forced him into a corner.

[AskApril Masini]

You need to listen to your own words…. “frankly I think he should be motivated by his hearts desire to say I love you or move in together. I would hate to think he would do either of these things not because he was moved by his own want, but because I forced him into a corner.”

You are 100% correct.

Let me very clear about this: I do not think a woman should ever, ever, ever ask a man to get married or to move in with her.

More, if a woman feels like her guy is wasting her time and may never ask her to marry him, she should stop spending all of her time with him, immediately, begin to date other men

[Jane]

Someone I once knew spoke these words to me over 20 years ago, I will never forget them, they are so true:
“people do what they want to do, and they don’t do what they don’t want to do”. If your boyfriend hasn’t proposed, it’s because he doesn’t want to marry you.

Did you ever hear that saying “the truth shall set you free”? Speak your truth, tell him that you’re wanting to be in a long term committed relationship, tell him that you want a marriage. This doesn’t make him wrong, it makes you a person who knows what she wants and isn’t willing to settle for anything less. If he’s not where you are, let him go, wish him all the best. Cry your heart out night after night if you need to for a period of time, but HONOR YOURSELF AND YOUR TRUTH! You will come out on the other side of the darkness and guess what? The sunshine will be there waiting along with the right person who wants what you do, at the same time as you. Very often you will find that when you let someone go and be true to yourself, they then have an opportunity to realize what life would be like without you and it doesn’t feel so good. What better motivator for a man to propose to a woman than the actual experience of being without her, and especially knowing that his woman may be in the arms of another man? I’m not suggesting game playing in order to make him jealous, that will backfire on you.

Just embrace your truth, embrace your power, know what you want and settle for nothing less. You will come out smiling in the end. 😉

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Serena Vale]

Omg girl, I so get you 😅. If I were in your shoes, I’d be head over heels for him too, the chemistry, the vacations, the way you just click, but after two years of seeing him mostly on weekends and not hearing “I love you” ever? Yeah, my brain would be spinning nonstop. I’d be sitting there like, “Wait… am I overthinking this or are we actually in a forever limbo?”

Honestly, I think he probably does love you, but some guys… they just don’t say it, or think showing up is enough. And I get that. But if it were me, I’d also be like, “Girl, I deserve to know if we’re moving toward living together, not just hanging in this sweet but kinda open-ended bubble.” Two or three more years of maybe? Ugh, I’d lose my mind 😂.

If it were me, I’d gently bring it up, something like: “Babe, I love what we have. I feel so connected to you. I just need to know if you see us living together or taking the next steps in the next year or two because I want to plan my life too.” I’d say it soft but real, no cornering, just honesty.

And here’s the thing: wanting that clarity doesn’t make you “pushy” or high-maintenance. If he’s really your person, he’ll step up naturally. If I were you, I’d give myself permission to feel exactly how I feel and ask for what I need. Life’s too short to just float forever in “maybe.” 💖

[Ethan Morales]

Exactly, April Masini is highlighting that you already understand the core of the issue: you want him to act because he truly feels it, not because you pressure him. That’s reasonable, but the reality is that two years have passed, and he still hasn’t expressed “I love you” or made moves toward cohabitation.

The underlying point is this: if you keep waiting indefinitely for him to take action on his own, you may stay in a comfortable but stagnant situation one that doesn’t fully meet your needs for emotional and practical partnership.

Masini’s advice is subtle: your desire for him to initiate is valid, but you also need to honor your own timeline and relationship goals. Waiting two or three more years could mean compromising what you truly want.

You’re at a crossroads: Continue enjoying the relationship as-is, accepting that he may be content with the current arrangement.

Express your needs in a way that is honest but not coercive—letting him know what you want while still giving him space to respond authentically.

If you want, I can help you craft a conversation or approach that communicates your needs clearly but keeps him motivated to act from his own heart, instead of feeling cornered. Do you want me to do that?

[Marcus king]

He likes the relationship exactly as it is comfortable, convenient, low-pressure. He’s not moving toward deeper commitment because he doesn’t feel urgency or emotional risk. You’ve created a situation where he gets all the benefits of partnership without having to choose you in a bigger way.

Two years with no “I love you” + no timeline for living together he’s keeping emotional distance. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he’s protecting himself after his divorce and financial stress.

[Tara]

You’ve been dating this man for two years and he’s made it perfectly clear that he’s comfortable exactly where things are. He gets the relationship perks, the companionship, the sex, the emotional support — all without having to move an inch. Why would he change that? You’ve trained him that you’ll accept crumbs as long as they’re wrapped nicely.

Two years without an “I love you” is not deep or mysterious; it’s avoidance. He’s emotionally cautious, and you’ve excused it because you don’t want to scare him off. You’ve mistaken his stability for commitment. They’re not the same thing. A man who truly sees a future doesn’t schedule intimacy like a part-time job or push cohabitation off another three years.

Stop pretending this is complicated. You want partnership; he wants comfort. Those goals don’t match. You keep waiting for him to wake up one morning and suddenly decide you’re worth the risk — he won’t. You’ve already shown him you’ll wait quietly while he figures himself out, and that suits him fine.

You either confront him directly and demand clarity, or you stop wasting more years playing the “maybe someday” game. He’s not going to give you what you want because you’ve made it too easy not to.

[Sally]

Two years is a long time to love someone in that quiet, steady way and still feel like you’re standing outside the deeper part of their life. And honestly, if a man can talk about spirituality and connection but can’t look at you and say he loves you… that usually means he’s still holding a part of himself back.

I don’t think he’s playing you. I just think he’s comfortable. And comfort can make people stop moving, even when the relationship deserves more.

You don’t have to pressure him, but you do need to be honest with yourself. Wanting a partner you actually live with isn’t asking for too much. It’s just asking for a future.

Maybe tell him, gently, that you need a clearer path forward. Not an argument just the truth.

You don’t want to drift for years hoping he’ll catch up.

[Natalie Noah]

My love… I can feel the ache under every word you wrote. You’re not being dramatic, and you’re not asking for too much. you’re asking for the basics of emotional partnership: love expressed in words, a shared vision for the future, and the feeling of being chosen. And after two years especially at 36, when you know exactly what you want and what you’re ready for. it makes perfect sense that the distance, the uncertainty, and the silence around commitment are starting to weigh on you. What you want is intimacy that lives both inside the relationship and outside of Saturday to Monday mornings, not something that sits in a comfortable bubble but never translates into forward movement.

Here’s the truth you already sense but are scared to name: he’s keeping the relationship incredibly safe for himself. You’ve been loving, patient, understanding and in that space, he’s been able to enjoy companionship, affection, sex, vacations, friendship… all without ever having to step into vulnerability again. His divorce hurt him, his business is draining him, and his instinct is to avoid anything that could destabilize him emotionally. So he gives you tenderness, closeness, consistency but not the risk of commitment. He doesn’t say “I love you” because those words come with responsibility and future-thinking. He pushes cohabitation 2–3 years out because that’s far enough away to feel hypothetical, not real. None of this means he doesn’t care for you, he clearly does. It means he’s afraid, and fear makes people build soft, cozy relationships where they get everything except obligation. And the danger for you is that, if you don’t draw a line, he will genuinely keep it like this forever, because it works for him.

And here’s where your heart needs protection: you should never have to convince someone to choose a life with you. You shouldn’t have to drop hints, wait years, or hope he “gets there eventually.” A man who truly sees you as his future won’t put you in storage on weekends. He won’t let years pass without emotional clarity. And he damn sure won’t push the idea of living together into some imaginary future timeline. You deserve a partner who steps toward you with certainty not one you have to patiently orbit around. I’m not saying end it abruptly. I’m saying this: stop doing all the emotional labor. Stop cushioning him. Stop being endlessly patient. Create space. Pull back. Reclaim your time, your availability, your energy. When a woman steps back, a man either steps forward with intention or he reveals that he never intended to. And either answer gives you the peace and clarity you’ve been waiting for. I’m right here with you through every step, sweetheart.

[KeishaMartin]

Two years of girlfriend benefits, emotional intimacy, vacations, best-friend energy, and mind-blowing sex without a single “I love you” or a forward plan is not confusion, it’s comfort. He’s emotionally fed, sexually satisfied, and structurally untouched. The distance? Convenient. The weekends? Perfectly rationed. The “maybe in 2 or 3 years”? That’s not hope, that’s a holding pattern. Men move when desire pushes them forward, not when logic taps them on the shoulder. And right now, he has zero urgency because you’ve shown him that you’ll stay even when your needs aren’t met. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you loyal. But loyalty without reciprocity turns into self-betrayal real fast.

April Masini is deadly accurate here, elegant, unflinching, and protective of women’s time like it’s sacred currency. She understands that a woman’s presence is leverage, not a guarantee. When a man truly wants you, he doesn’t fear words like “love” or “together” he chases them. And if Christmas lights are about to go up, here’s my holiday wish for you: stop giving wife-level access to a man offering boyfriend-level direction. Go to the Christmas parties glowing, not waiting. Let him feel your absence under the mistletoe because nothing wakes a man up faster than realizing the woman he assumed would always be there… might not be next Christmas

[Member]

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