[Bryguy1]

Hi April,
My question is difficult. I met “Liz” 4 years ago. We were both married at the time and we knew our relationship would not go anywhere. So we did not pursue it. We both waited until we were divorced. About a year ago we started talking again and decided to ”
date” We dated and enjoyed ourselves. However a few things happened but we overcame that and started dating again. In fact, in early December we took a trip to Marco Island together for a few days. We had a great time. Then about a week after we were back, she started acting “cool” towards me. We didn’t see each other over the holiday and I didn’t know what to do. Finally she said she was “upset” because my daughter had told her daughter that we were talking about “building a home together”. I NEVER said such a thing to my daughter. The only thing I ever told my daughter was when she asked me about a picture of a house I had put on facebook. I simply told her it was a house that both Liz and I liked a lot. That’s it, nothing more. So “Liz” tells me she is answering questions for her daughter now that she wasn’t prepared to and needs to “protect” her kids. I’m not sure what this means. She also said “we are back where we started/were”.

Any advice on what I can do to get back with Liz? We both have over and over again expressed our love for each other but this situation I just can’t understand. I would never tell my children anything that they could repeat unless we both agreed to it. What should I do?

Bryan

[Ask April Masini]

Dating with children is tough! In fact, kids and potential step-kids can become as difficult in a relationship and as much a relationship deal breaker as a meddling in-law. It’s easy to forget this because the idea of one big happy family seems so seductive, and children seem so sweet an joyful — but beware! Dating with kids can be like walking over a minefield. Here are a few tips you can try:

* Protect the relationship you have with this woman, from both sets of kids. In other words, keep this relationship on the down low. Don’t involve the kids in your dating lives unless and until you’re mutually super serious about a commitment. Don’t talk about the relationship with the kids. Don’t share news about it. Don’t include them on your dates or set up play dates between them. There are too many ways for kids to misinterpret their own feelings about your relationship and how it will affect them, so just don’t involve them. Even with something as seemingly innocuous as telling your daughter that your girlfriend likes a particular house…. kids can run with these ideas and twist them out of context, between themselves — and create relationship trouble as a result.

* Consider that this woman’s children may feel threatened by your relationship with their mother. They may feel that they’ll be displaced. They may feel jealous of her attentions towards you. They may feel that you’re displacing their father — even if you aren’t trying to…. they may conjure up these ideas, and there’s not a lot you can do about it. Her kids, her relationship with her kids, and their personal journeys are not controllable, but being aware of these potential feelings that the kids have, is going to help.

* Apologize. Explain that you didn’t realize that talking to your daughter about your feelings about a house would spin out of control, and let her know that for future, you want to keep the relationship between the grown ups, big time — and not the kids. Let her know you won’t do that again, and you’re sorry. She wants to hear you taking responsibility and making changes…

[Bryguy1]

Hello April. Yes, I’m back again. After almost a year I started dating Liz in November. Because of the nature of our relationship in the past, I asked her if we could “wait” to go public and be official AFTER 3 months and a “re-evaluation” discussion in February. She insisted that she was “ready” and reluctantly agreed to what I asked. So things had been going along smoothly and last weekend was the date I set and we went away for the weekend and on Saturday we “talked”. I honestly knew going into this that what we were going to discuss was “already talked about” over the course of last few months but given our past on again/off again I wanted to go this length of time and see! So we did and we talked. All was good. Then we get home and last week Liz is completely “distant”. Finally Saturday she texts me and says that she was “underwhelmed” by the re-evalution and fairly irritated at me because of it because we had talked about all this stuff before. She has accused me of “manipulating” her and the situation and now she says she wants to “put a little distance” between us because of this and she’s barely talking to me, only through texts. I’m actually besides myself but I do realize NOW that maybe the whole re-evaluation thing probably wasn’t a good idea. I was going with my heart, not wanting to be hurt again and that’s why I wanted to “wait” the time. I told Liz through text that in hindsight this probably wasn’t the best thing and I apologized but it was done to satisfy my own mind that we could make it. Now she’s barely talking to me. What do you recommend I do? I just sent her a text and invited her to dinner but she declined. I’d appreciate any advice I can put into action quickly as I don’t want her to slip away.
Thanks.
Bryan

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like she was looking for a commitment from you, and she didn’t get it. So, now she’s trying to move on. You have to understand that she is a 36 year-old single parent with three kids and she is probably looking for a commitment. Since the two of you have been dating on and off for about four years now, it would seem that you would know if you want to commit to her or not. I’m very sure that’s what she is thinking. It sounds like she reluctantly went along with your request to date on the down low for three months and then reevaluate in a talk about the relationship. She was hoping that that would give you the time you needed to decide about a commitment. But when she didn’t hear what she wanted, she got upset and that’s what you’re feeling and seeing. She’s not getting what she wants from the relationship. I know you don’t want to lose her, but it also seems you’re not ready or willing to give her the commitment to keep her. Four years of dating off and on is a reasonable amount of time for you to know. And I think you’re just not ready. And she knows that. She’s not responding to your texts about dinner because she’s not interested in dinner. She wants a proposal or some sort of commitment that the relationship is moving forward. You’re at a crossroads in the relationship. Either you propose or you move on. There is a chance that with time, she’ll come back to you because she misses you, but right now, she’s going to try and find someone who wants a commitment with her. If you’re that guy, this is your moment to step it up. But be honest with yourself. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

[gabriel9866]

The whole discussion on here is so interesting for me. Great forum!

[PassionSeeker]

That’s actually a really sharp read on the situation and probably the most grounded take yet. Liz isn’t confused; she’s done waiting. After years of back and forth, her patience has likely worn thin. When she says she needs to “protect her kids,” it’s not about gossip it’s about emotional stability. She doesn’t want her kids to get attached to a man who might not stay.

You’re right that four years is plenty of time to know if this is the woman you want to build with. She’s not punishing you she’s protecting herself. If you want her back, you can’t just offer comfort or nostalgia. You’ll need clarity and real intention. If you’re ready, show her that with action. If not, let her go kindly so she can find the commitment she’s looking for.

[Tara]

She’s not confused, Bryan. She’s protecting her peace. When a woman says she needs to protect her kids, that’s her final word, not an opening for negotiation. You didn’t ruin anything, but you’re trying to fix what isn’t yours to fix. Stop chasing clarity from someone who already pulled back. Let her sit with her choice. If she wants you, she’ll show up. If she doesn’t, you move on with your head up. Begging for space in someone else’s life is not love, it’s self-abandonment.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… sounds like liz caught feelings and then caught fear right after 😬 like, she’s into you but the second things started feeling real, she hit panic mode. the “protect my kids” line? that’s code for “i’m scared this could actually matter.” you didn’t mess up, her anxiety did. she’ll circle back once the drama cools. 💋

[Ethan Morales]

This situation with Liz isn’t about you lying or being deceptive it’s about boundaries with children and the emotional complexity of dating as parents. April Masini’s advice hits the core issues:

Children complicate dating:
Kids can misinterpret even small things and relay them in ways that trigger misunderstandings between adults. Liz’s reaction is less about you personally and more about protecting her kids’ sense of stability and her role as a parent.

Boundary management:
Right now, your “relationship info” leaked through your daughter caused a ripple. Even if your intent was innocent, it inadvertently created stress for Liz. The safest approach is to keep your children out of relationship discussions until you and Liz have mutually agreed on the seriousness and boundaries of your relationship.

Rebuilding trust:
Liz’s “back where we started” comment signals she’s feeling cautious and protective. The way to get back on track is to apologize clearly, take responsibility for the misunderstanding, and demonstrate that you’ll respect the boundaries she needs for her children. Actions matter more than explanations.

Next steps:
Have a calm, adult conversation with Liz. Acknowledge the mistake: “I see now how even talking about the house caused stress. I’ll make sure nothing like that happens again. I want to protect our relationship and your family’s feelings.” Reaffirm your commitment without involving the kids for now. Focus on rebuilding trust, communication, and emotional safety.

This isn’t a deal breaker it’s a common challenge in blended-family dating. Respect her boundaries, take responsibility, and keep your kids out of relationship discussions until you’re both ready. If you do this consistently, the relationship can move forward stronger than before.

[Tara]

You’re acting like a man who wants to be talked out of his own dignity. She flinched, she ran, and you’re still standing there trying to decode her panic like it’s some encrypted prophecy. It’s not. It’s cowardice dressed up as concern. And the only reason this blew up is because you treated her emotional instability like it was your responsibility to manage.

She wasn’t protecting her kids. She was protecting herself from the reality that she’s not as ready, mature, or emotionally competent as she pretended to be. Your kid didn’t ruin anything — she just exposed the gap between what your girlfriend claimed she could handle and what she actually can.

You chasing her is pathetic. You’re trying to mop up a spill she caused, and all it does is make you look desperate. She made the mess. She owns the consequences. And if she doesn’t come back, good — you just avoided a relationship where every minor pressure point turns into a meltdown.

[Sally]

When you finally meet someone at the right time in life, after years of waiting, the last thing you expect is for it to fall apart over something you didn’t even say.
But here’s what I think is really going on with Liz: she got scared. Not of you of the speed, the idea of blending families, the possibility of getting hurt again. When a mom says she has to “protect her kids,” that’s usually her way of saying she’s overwhelmed and trying to slow things down without blowing everything up.

And honestly? You can’t argue her out of that feeling. You can only show her calm.

Give her space. Not cold silence just gentleness. A short message saying you understand why she’d want to be careful, and that you’re not trying to rush anything. That you care about her, and you’re willing to go slow.

Let her come toward you again instead of trying to pull her back.

If she loves you like you say she does, she’ll find her way back once the fear quiets down.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel how much you care about Liz and how invested you are in making this relationship work. You clearly value her and the life you hope to build together, and that makes this situation all the more painful. But the heart of the matter isn’t just about miscommunications with the kids or a single misunderstanding, it’s about readiness, commitment, and clarity from both of you. She is navigating the complexities of her children’s feelings, your children’s involvement, and her own sense of security in the relationship. That’s a lot of emotional weight, and she’s looking for signs that you’re ready to handle all of it responsibly and consistently.

April’s advice really highlights the importance of boundaries with children. Even a small comment to your daughter about a house can spiral into a situation that undermines trust. Kids can misinterpret things, relay them in ways you never intended, and suddenly both partners feel the pressure and disappointment. In Liz’s mind, this wasn’t about the house itself. it was about her needing to protect her children and feel that the adults in her life are taking the reins responsibly. When she saw you involve your child, even inadvertently, it may have triggered a sense that you weren’t aligned on how to navigate these sensitive dynamics.

Another critical point is that Liz is looking for a commitment, and she’s been clear about what she needs. After your re-evaluation discussion, she felt underwhelmed because, in her view, the situation hadn’t moved forward in the direction she needed. Re-evaluation can sometimes backfire because it can make a partner feel like nothing is progressing, which is exactly what happened here. Even if your heart was in the right place, the message she received was likely “we’re not advancing toward a real, serious commitment.” This creates frustration, emotional distance, and, in her case, the desire to step back to protect herself and her children.

From what you’ve described, you’re at a crossroads. You have to decide if you are willing to step up and fully commit, taking responsibility not just for Liz but also for the delicate dynamics of children, co-parenting, and the blended family issues. If you are, it means showing her through consistent actions, boundaries with the kids, clarity in communication, and concrete steps toward the future she wants. If you are not ready, then holding on will only continue the cycle of frustration for both of you.

Ultimately, it comes down to honesty with yourself and with Liz. Either you fully step into the role she needs a committed, responsible partner who can navigate all these complexities or you allow her to find someone who can. There’s a chance she may come back if she sees the clarity and commitment she’s looking for, but that depends entirely on action, not words. Right now, you need to reflect on whether you are truly ready to meet her where she needs you, or if it’s time to let go and let both of you move forward.

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