[Braveheart]

My wife just passed away a few weeks ago. It was truly heartbreaking to watch her health decline over the past four years. She had stage 4 gastric cancer but didn’t pass from the cancer, rather complications unrelated. That made it even more difficult for me to accept since she was a woman of great spirit and strong faith. It was just much too soon for her to go. She could have inspired a lot of people with her courageous battle as a survivor.

We didn’t have the kind of relationship she hoped for because I wasn’t the man I should have been. She was vivacious and full of joy and I am cynical, often negative and angry, and generally not satisfied with being in the moment. Add to this, infidelity, as in the casual, very infrequent and brief escort/massage parlor contact.

All of these events were admitted and known and time after time, I expressed remorse and said I was sorry. My wife stuck beside me but she grew weary and blue, especially dealing with the cancer. She said she loved me but was not in love with me any longer. I knew that I had killed my marriage with this beautiful and very special woman.

She shared things with a few friends and her son’s new wife. Naturally, they all had conclusions and opinions, but the common thread seemed to be to “remove my testicles.”

I don’t know exactly who knows what but I do know that these woman had expressed to my wife that I wasn’t worthy and never would be. (I am working on rectifying that even though my wife is gone — I want to opportunity to see her in Heaven and be worthy)

IT IS DIFFICULT CHANGING YEARS OF BAD HABITS AND THE PERSON I HAVE BECOME. But, it meant the universe to me when she told me several times before she passed that she loved me.

I know that women think there is no way that an unfaithful husband can never really LOVE his wife but I can tell you, I LOVED MY WIFE VERY MUCH and very blessed that a woman of such high morals and intense faith in God, would choose me. As well, at her death, I felt horrible that I had put her through all of this.

Surely, I thought, “I will be condemned to hell” but the very thought of turning my life around to make it into paradise to be with her, is the most inspirational motivation I can have in this purpose.

Having said all of this, I must say that I feel the need to share this with the wife of her oldest son. They have been very caring in this transitional time – more than I would expect from someone (the wife) who knows some of the story from my wife.

I have sized the son’s wife up to be genuine and sincere and she is very smart. The question I ask is, should I appeal to her to speak on the matter with me – purely to clear conscience – not to present a defense or a side?
SHE DOES NOT KNOW THAT i KNOW SHE KNOWS ANYTHING.

My concern is that she IS family and I would hope for complete confidence. Also, is requesting the counsel of a family member expecting too much or asking for trouble? She isn’t blood family but still…. And, if not her then a friend of hers….or just let it go?

[AskApril Masini]

I think it’s okay for you to talk to your late wife’s son’s wife — but you have to understand that she will probably tell her husband what you tell her. You can ask for confidence, but it may be unrealistic to expect it. However, I don’t think it’s a bad thing for you to be open about how you feel and what your regrets are and how you loved your life. People are going to have their opinions about things and you may or may not change them, but unless you tell your own story and express your feelings, they’ll never know what they are. Privacy is important, but there are times when being forthcoming and risking rejection are more important.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts