Hello April…
My husband does not use my name. We’ve been together for 17 years and in that time I have heard him say my name only seven times. Two of those times occurred when he was speaking to me; and five times when he was referencing me to someone else. He does not have a pet name for me, and never uses endearments. He simply does not address me in any way, and it hurts me terribly.
I have tried to talk to him about this problem many, many, MANY times over the years. I told him that it bugged me but there was no change. Then I told him that I seriously need the psychological visability of hearing my name in order to feel “whole”. No change. Then, I asked him directly to please use my name. No change. One night, in a hormonal period and after a few glasses of wine, I BEGGED him to please use my name, at least when we were having sex. No change. Then I told him that if he wouldn’t, I was going to have a fling with someone who would be happy to have a chance to call out my name. Still no change; and of course it was an idle threat.
He says he’s just not comfortable using people’s names, and he’s not sure why he feels that way. I have quit asking him to say my name; partly because it kind of frightens me to know I can’t control my emotional environment, and partly because I don’t want to ensure my comfort by ramping up his discomfort.
Can you give me any insight into his behavior? If I could understand it, I might be able to let go of my pain.
Thank you for your help.
