[jordygirl_28]

Hey,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and I’d just like some advice about something that is causing me to worry a bit about the future of this relationship. We have a great relationship together, and spend most days together, however he seems very apprehensive about taking future steps in the relationship. Whenever I try to talk about living with me in the future he just seems uncomfortable with it. Last night he said wouldn’t mind living with me next year, but only if its with another couple too. He said he wouldn’t like to live with me alone until he’s in his late 20’s. I’m not sure if I should be concerned by this? We’re only 22, so we’re still young, but most of my friends are living with their boyfriends, or planning too soon. Also, we are both each others first serious relationship and he has told me in the past that he sometimes worries about how he is supposed to know that I am the one for him when he hasn’t really been with any other girls. I’m just concerned he won’t ever make any future steps in the relationship because he wants to know what else is out there. It’s causing a few issues in our relationship and I’d just like an outside perspective if possible! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s being very clear with you that he’s not open to giving you a commitment because he doesn’t want to make any serious relationship commitment until he’s in his late 20s and he is interested in experimenting with dating to make sure that when he does commit, it’s with the experience of having dated the field. I know you want things to be different but he doesn’t. It’s not that he’s scared to commit — he has a life plan in mind, and it’s different than yours.

If you’re looking for a man who wants a commitment, it’s best to find one who is ready for that commitment. Usually men who want a long term, committed relationship are in a certain stage in their lives. Your boyfriend isn’t at that stage. Your concern that he’s not interested in committing to you the way you want when you want is legitimate.

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[jordygirl_28]

Thank you heaps for your advice! It’s so good to get an outside perspective! Do you think in this case it is unlikely he will ever want to commit to me? Because we’re still so young I understand he isn’t at that stage yet, and I’m happy to wait a while, my main concern is that assuming we’re still together in 5 years, I’ll still be waiting for a commitment then. So in your opinion, should I continue in this relationship or is there really no hope of any future with this guy?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s made two things clear: 1) he isn’t interested in committing until he’s in his late 20s, and 2) he wants to play the field and see what else is out there before he commits.

I don’t have a crystal ball, but, if he really does want to date other people before he commits, that means that if you do decide to wait around, he’s going to be dating other people during that time — and he may find someone he wants to be with during that period, who isn’t you.

You really have to decide what it is that you want for yourself. If you want a commitment now, then you need to move on to find that commitment. And, if you’re looking for a long term commitment from him, chances are, given what he’s told you, he’s not going to give it to you. 😳

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