[cpht2010]

My childrens father and I split up last week and Im so unhappy. We didnt split up because of cheating it was just from an overboard argument that involved with my mother. Alot of harsh things were said. Now my mother and his parents do not get along because of the heated argument. I want to work thing out with him because its killing me evryday and I know my children miss him. We are trying to talk through it but now Im not allow to move back in his parents house, we will need to find an apartment to live in. (of course my mother does not know of this because she will not allow me to continue to stay in her house). But theres something that I did that I so regret I slept with my first born child father, trust me I dont love him nor I want to get back with him. I did it because the guy I love now kept ignoring me and it felt like it was really over so when he came to pick up his daughter we both sort of miss each other and we talk and then i knew there was hope for us in the back of my mind i was like what the heck was i thinking to sleep with the other guy..ughh its killing me. I know if i say something he will not want to work things out but i truly love him. Should i say something or just move on and never do it again. I already told the other guy i dont love that I cant do this because i wanna work things out with the one i love and he said that was ok because he is doing his own things with other girls and he said he wont tell no one what happened. I feel bad what i did, but i swore to myself i wont do it again. thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve got a couple of problems, so let’s try to get you organized and make a plan so your behavior and the situation doesn’t become more chaotic. 😉

First of all, how old are you and your children’s father? How many children do you have and how old are they? How many children do you have with other men? This will help me and anyone else reading and wanting to chime in to get a better sense of your family.

Next, I’m confused about why you want to move into his parent’s home. Where does he live? And where do you live?

Third, how long have you been together with your guy?

What was the argument you had with him, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, about?

For now — don’t tell him about your infidelity if you want to get him back. It will definitely drive him away further.

I look forward to hear from you so I can advise you! 😀

[cpht2010]

sorry for the confusion lol it that im so confuse. The first guy i had a baby with was back in 05 which she is 7yrs old. I was 17 at the time when i had her and he was 17 as well. we were dating 4yrs after i had baby and it didnt work out because there was cheating involve, no trust, and no respect. so after a month broken up i fell in love again 🙁 i didnt intent this to happen but it did we moved in with each other 2 months of datin in his parents house because at the time he was 19yrs and i was 20yrs. i got pregant immediately and thats when things were changing sort off reminded me of my previous relationship. i feel like i changed him because all the hurt and hate i had with my baby daddy #1 , i took upon him, he was nice with me but i didnt trust him because i knew he was a player back in his days so thats when my jealousy just got worse and from there we just argue n jus lost respect for one another. We been together for 4yrs as well..we jus had another baby in november of 2011…but our trust is gone..i try to control myself but like he feels that i only have to change. now im left with 3 kids at my moms house which i cant stand. he still lives with his parents at the age of 23. im 24 by the way. we tried getting an apartment but we always got rejected, i tried getting a job but i always got rejected so we had to keep living in his parents house which its just drama like that. now what lead to this split is the harsh words that were said. he was in a bad mood because of a previous arguement so i gave him a day to cool off. the next day i asked him for money while he was on the phone with a female friend from high school (she’s married but still) and he jus gives me attitude saying i dont have money, so i ask him whose that hes like “a friend damn “. i start getting angry because the way he talkin to me and he explodes after he hangs up the phone talkin about i dont let him do nothing, im jealous, hes tired of me, and he said the worsty thing to me which i exploded next “i wish you die next to your brother”. he leaves the house with my 2yr old soon to be 3 and texts me leave my house im going to get some girl pregnant. den calls me and i hear ppl having sex i got out of control bcuz at that point im thinking he cheated. he got home 15 min later n i sort of tried pullin a knife on him but didnt. then he says it was jus a cd but i cudnt believe him so i pack my stuff and my mother comes by calling him coward and she sort of wanted to beat him so he calls cops on her, then his parents come and my mother argues with his dad both of them cursing. his parents still wanted me to stay but i felt pressured to leave. my boyfriend said if you leave i wont take you back im serious this time (i have a history of packin to leave then i always come back so got tired of it this time) but he the one who kicked me out. now his parents wont let me move back in which its fine bcuz i want my own place but now my boyfriend doesnt even wanna live with me. he has a job car, everything and i dont have nothing. how can he leave me with a baby we just had. im so depress. i love him very much. i slept with baby daddy #1 bcuz i felt lonely and ignored. im trying to work things out with but he feels pressured right now hes confused. it kills me to think he’s gunna be with some one else and forget about me and the kids. I really do not want to be in another relationship bcuz it woudlnt look right on me. im tired of going with guy after guy i just want a family. hate being single. i know its all drama i can type alot more about different events but i will seriously blow up you forum lol. thanksssss

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay, I got it. Thanks for filling me in. That’s quite a story.

Here’s the deal: You’re not in an easy situation, and you’re not going to like what you have to do. But….. because you’re a mother, the kids come first — not you. You may hate being single and you may hate living with your mother, but that’s what you have to do for now.

If your mother will have you and your kids, then stay there until you get a job. You’re going to have to find childcare, too, unless you’re lucky enough that your mother will cover your kids while you’re at work. So, that’s number one. Live with your mom and get a job. No excuses.

Second, go to court and get a child support order for all of your kids and see to it that the children are supported by their fathers. If you can get a visitation schedule, that would be great, because the kids need to be with their fathers, too. Plus, it will give you a break.

Third, get some birth control. And use it. You’re very young to have three little kids without having a lot of support.

Fourth, no more boyfriends until you have a job, an apartment of your own, and the kids are in school and settled.

I know this is unpleasant, but you made mistakes, and what’s important is cleaning up the chaos with a plan. I’ve given you an outline of one. You can use it, come up with your own, or change it as you see fit. But whatever you do, focus on being an independent single mother right now — and stay away from the guys. You have way too much on your plate right now to make a smart choice in men.

I know this sounds like a bitter pill to swallow, but you have to take care of your kids first and foremost. You come last. 😕

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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