Dear April and everyone,
I’m kinda confused now about what to do with my ex.
Long story short, I just started to talk with my ex again. About two years ago, we dated for like five months. It was my longest relationship. I felt I was in love with him. He’s rather good-looking and talented, but fiercely independent. And, like many other stories, the beginning was better than the end. About half a year after we broke up, he came back to me once but it was just a fling. I had hoped that we could reconnect, but not just that we didn’t reconnect, he disappeared. In the past one and a half years, I had emailed him scattered time. Sometimes he emailed me back, sometimes not. But if he replied, it’s always few words.
When we broke up, he told me that he was emotionally unavailable and many girls hated him. But when being asked why he hadn’t told me at first, he said that he was just coward.
So we hanged out the other day. After watching a movie together at my place, we made out. We were both aroused, but I told him I was not ready for it. He said he wasn’t thinking of having a romantic relationship with me, but it was hard for him not to think about sex when we were together.
I feel that we still have strong chemistry between us, just like when we first met. But, I don’t feel I can settle with just having casual sex with him, though this time I’m aware before head he is not available. I had friend with benefits before, but it was not someone I cared about at the first place. I’m not sure if FB with an ex would be as casual as with someone I’m not very into.
I don’t want us just be strangers, or friends that do not hang out at all. It had made me rather upset before, when he cut off all communications. But, if we hang out, I’m afraid we might still end up sleeping together.
Before I always thought that the reason why he disappeared was because of that fling we had half a year after we broke up. I thought he was scared by the idea of serious relationship, or any possibility that I “tie him down.” So this time I asked him if my guess was right, and he said it’s not. He said it would have been the same even we hadn’t had a fling, and he had a habit of breaking away from connections.
He never admit that he is a “commitphobic” type, though I think he probably is. But, even it’s true, I still have feelings for him.
Shall I just ask him if he wants a short-term relationship? Or shall I just stop contacting him? Or make it clear that I just want to be friends?
Thanks!
