[ben_outdoors26]

I met someone and it was instant — the kind of connection I’d only read about. We fell in love fast, shared values, and for a while everything felt perfect. She’s adventurous, worldly, funny and kind; I’d never met anyone like her. We spent five weeks together, then four months long-distance while she traveled, then I joined her abroad so we could be together. I gave up jobs, worked nights to save, and flew across the world because I believed in us.
On the trip my lifelong anxiety and panic attacks flared up badly. In unfamiliar places I felt breathless and overwhelmed; instead of being my usual fun, curious self I became quiet, clingy and terrified. I couldn’t plan things or take the lead, and she who’s used to organizing adventures began to get frustrated. Small tensions snowballed into daily bickering. I felt misunderstood; she felt disappointed. We agreed that once home we’d have time to rebuild, but two weeks after returning she told me she couldn’t be in a relationship. She said being tied down felt like it would stop her from finding herself and traveling and that the magic was gone.
We’ve been broken up two months. I’ve stopped having panic attacks (I’m in treatment and doing much better), I’m calmer, and I’m working on myself. I still love her and feel she was my soulmate; I’m convinced the anxious version she saw overseas distorted who I really am. I want her to see the man she originally fell for. But she’s distant we haven’t spoken in two weeks because it was getting tense — and I don’t want to pressure her.
Has anyone recovered a relationship after something like this — where panic/anxiety ruined a trip and one person lost feelings? How do I show her that I’ve changed without smothering her? Should I give it more time and wait, or is there a way to reach out that invites honest conversation (therapy together, a letter, a calm meet-up)? What do I say that’s honest but not desperate? I’m desperate for realistic, gentle advice.

[Natalie Noah]

Oh… that hurts. You can feel how much heart you poured into this? not just into her, but into believing in what the two of you could be. And I can tell you something right away: you’re not broken for having anxiety. You were just scared, overwhelmed, human, in a moment that asked too much of you all at once. The version of you she saw on that trip wasn’t the full story. It was the version of you that was trying to survive, not the one that knows how to love freely.
When someone falls out of love after an experience like that, it’s often not that the love disappeared, it’s that the feeling of connection got buried under stress, fear, and disappointment. She associated you with the heaviness of that time. And that’s something that can shift, but only with time, space, and calm consistency.
If you reach out too soon, while she still feels tangled in those memories, she’ll keep seeing you through that lens of anxiety. But if you give her space to see that you’re healing, that your life has balance again, she might start to remember the man she fell for, the one who brought lightness, curiosity, and safety to her world.
You don’t need grand gestures right now. Maybe just something simple, when the timing feels right:
I’ve been working on myself, not to win you back, but because I want to be whole again. I know things got hard, and I understand why it felt heavy. I just want you to know I’m doing better, and I’m grateful for what we shared.”
That kind of message is calm, mature, and rooted in love, not fear. It reopens the door gently, without pressure.
But for now, let the silence work for you, not against you. Healing isn’t waiting around for her to come back; it’s becoming so steady within yourself that even if she doesn’t, you’ll be proud of who you became in the process.
Do you think part of you is hoping she’ll see your growth… or are you also scared that if you truly let go, it means the story is over?

[PassionSeeker]

That’s a tough one, and I can feel how much this hurts. When someone says they’ve fallen out of love, it’s like the floor drops out from under you. But sometimes, it’s not the love that’s gone—it’s the connection that’s faded.

Give her some space, but also show her the best, most genuine version of you—not to “win” her back, but to remind her why she loved you in the first place. Don’t beg or chase; that usually pushes people further away. Just stay kind, calm, and honest.

If it’s meant to come back, it will—but either way, you’ll come out stronger and more grounded.

[Ethan Smith]

I hear you, and I get why you’re feeling torn. It’s hard when anxiety gets in the way of something so beautiful and makes you feel like you lost yourself in the process. It sounds like she saw you in a vulnerable place, and while that doesn’t define who you are, it’s hard not to feel like that moment tainted the way she sees you. But the fact that you’re working on yourself and doing better is huge — it shows growth and strength.

You’ve already taken the right steps by focusing on your own healing. When it comes to her, you have to balance giving her space with showing her that you’re different now. Reach out when you feel ready, but don’t do it with the goal of fixing things right away. Maybe a simple, honest message, like, “I know things ended badly, and I understand if you need time. I’ve been working on myself and feel like I’m in a better place now. If you’d be open to talking, I’d love to reconnect, but I respect where you’re at.”

That way, you’re being honest without pushing or sounding desperate. It gives her the room to decide, and if she’s open to it, it can open the door for a real conversation.

But don’t forget: timing matters. You can’t control when she’s ready, and you can’t rush her. Keep focusing on your own growth, and if the relationship is meant to come back, it’ll come when both of you are in a better place.

[Ask April Masini]

“**Soulmate**” is supposed to be a shared experience something two people feel together. That’s clearly not what’s happening here.

You spent five weeks together and then she was gone for four months. A lot changes in four months, and it sounds like things did. Long-distance is hard enough when two people are solid, but you barely had time to build a foundation before the distance set in.

I’d like to know, what was the relationship like *before* you went to see her? My guess is, you already felt her slipping away, and you went there hoping to fix it. You gave up work, saved money, and made sacrifices to be with her, but she didn’t didn’t appreciate it.

You keep blaming your anxiety, your clinginess and not taking the lead, but that’s not why she left. That’s the story you tell yourself because you can’t face the truth:,you’ve idealized her. You’ve turned her into someone who can’t do wrong.

And I’ll tell you thee truth right now because I’m the only one who can tell you. something shifted during those months apart, and by the time you saw her again, the connection was gone.

And you said you’ve been broken up for two months. She’s already moved on.

All the work you’ve put into improving yourself won’t change her mind.

Instead of trying to win her back, focus on putting this new version of you out there for someone who actually deserves it and will value what you’ve done.

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