[dan_falls_fast]

I dated a woman for six months and was falling in love. We’d been close and comfortable I imagined a future with her. A couple of nights ago she sat me down and admitted she’d lied earlier when I asked about her sexuality: she told me she’s bisexual. I told her that wasn’t the problem the lying was. That felt like a real blow.
The next day my lack of trust got the better of me and I looked at her computer history. I found regular visits to dating sites over the past few weeks. When I asked her about it she answered by restating my question like she was deflecting. At first she “didn’t remember” visiting, then suddenly recalled it and said it was months ago. The history contradicted that.
I told her I didn’t want an open relationship; she said she didn’t either. I tried to stay calm and asked her directly how many people she’d been with since we started dating. Again she restated the question and then got defensive and argumentative. It felt like every time I asked for clarity she avoided it and avoidance looked like guilt to me.
I sat with her, explained I wasn’t angry but I was hurt and needed honesty. I told her I needed to know who she is and what she wants so I could decide whether to stay. She began to cry and said, “I’m lost.” I asked her simply to decide if she wanted a loving, supportive relationship. She couldn’t. So I told her to call me when she knew, and I walked out.
I’m left reeling. Did I overstep by checking her browsing history? Was I entitled to that information given the mixed signals and the earlier lie? Is it reasonable to expect a clear answer about commitment and fidelity after six months? I still care for her, but I can’t be with someone who won’t be straight with me. How do I protect myself emotionally while giving her a fair chance to figure things out? Should I wait for her to choose, or move on and close this chapter?

[Isabella Jones]

Thank you for being so open about this — I can feel how deeply you cared for her, and how heavy this confusion must feel. When someone you’re falling for starts to blur honesty with avoidance, it leaves you questioning not only them but your own judgment. You sound like someone who wanted clarity, not control — there’s a big difference between those two.

The browsing history, in this context, wasn’t about invasion; it came from a place of desperation for truth when her words no longer matched her actions. While ideally, trust should be mutual and transparent, I think it’s understandable that you reached a breaking point. Still, it’s important to notice that even justified boundary-checking can leave you feeling uneasy — because it pushes you to act in ways that don’t align with who you want to be in love.

Her saying she’s “lost” might be the most honest thing she’s offered. People who are unsure of themselves often create emotional chaos without meaning to, and you can’t fix that uncertainty for her. You can only decide what level of clarity and consistency you need to feel safe. Sometimes protecting yourself doesn’t mean shutting your heart off — it means refusing to stay in confusion while someone else figures out who they are.

If she truly wants to find herself, she’ll do that better without the pressure of your waiting. And if you choose to move forward, it doesn’t mean you stopped caring; it just means you chose peace over uncertainty. 💛

What would feeling emotionally safe look like for you right now — space, closure, or continued conversation on her terms? And if she doesn’t offer that, how can you start giving yourself the reassurance you’ve been asking from her?

[Love Archivist]

That’s really painful… discovering lies about something so personal can shake your trust deeply. It’s normal to feel hurt, confused, and even betrayed right now.

First, take a moment to process your feelings before reacting. Then, have an honest conversation with her—calmly, without yelling—and ask her to explain what’s going on. Listen, but also pay attention to how she responds: honesty, accountability, and transparency are key here.

After that, reflect on what you need in a relationship. Trust is the foundation, and if it’s broken repeatedly, it’s okay to protect yourself—even if that means stepping back. You deserve honesty, respect, and someone who aligns with the relationship you want.

[Ethan Smith]

Hey man, I can feel how much that hurts. Finding out someone you care about lied — especially about something personal like sexuality — and then seeing they’ve been on dating sites… it shakes your trust completely.

If I were in your shoes, I’d first take a breath before reacting. Try to figure out why she lied. Sometimes people hide parts of themselves out of fear or confusion, not bad intentions. But the dating site thing — that’s different. That’s about honesty and respect in a relationship.

I’d want to talk to her calmly and directly. Ask her what’s really going on. If she’s confused about what she wants, or if she’s not committed, you deserve to know the truth. You don’t need to yell or accuse — just be real. Say how it made you feel and what you expect from someone who’s with you.

End of the day, you deserve loyalty and honesty. If she can’t give that, it might be time to step back and protect your peace.

[PassionSeeker]

Look, I get it. You’re hurt, and trust is a big deal. But here’s the thing once the walls of honesty start crumbling, it’s hard to rebuild them, right? You didn’t overstep by looking at her browsing history; you were trying to make sense of the mixed signals, trying to find clarity. But here’s the hard part: trust has to be built by both people, and right now, it’s feeling a little one-sided. It’s okay to ask for honesty, but it’s also okay to walk away when you’re not getting it. The biggest question is: what do you need to feel safe? If that’s clear answers and trust, and she can’t give that, then maybe it’s time to close this chapter. Don’t stay in limbo. You deserve peace.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re hurt and you have every right to be. Six months in, when you’re imagining a future and suddenly the person you trusted lies about something personal and then shows up on dating sites, that’s a legitimacy-shaking moment. Here’s my read, blunt and useful.
you didn’t do anything weird by checking the history. It’s not ideal, but it’s human you were trying to reconcile words with evidence after she’d already lied once. That said, digging for answers isn’t a long-term strategy for a healthy relationship; it’s a reaction to being pushed into doubt. If trust existed, you wouldn’t have felt driven to look.
her behavior matters more than the explanation she gives today. “I’m lost” can be honest people are confused about sexuality, commitment, and timing or it can be avoidance. Either way, right now she isn’t giving you the clear, accountable answers you need to decide whether to stay. That ambiguity is the problem, not just the content of the lies.

• Ask one direct, calm question once. Don’t interrogate, don’t accuse. Example text: “You told me you’re lost, and I get that. I need one clear thing: do you want a committed relationship with me now, or do you need time to figure out what you want on your own? I’ll respect your answer.”
• Set a personal deadline. Give her space to decide, but don’t float in limbo forever. 30–45 days is fair. Tell nobody; this is for you to protect your emotional timeline.
• Protect yourself while you wait: pull back emotionally a bit, lean on friends, and don’t keep planning a future you can’t count on.
• If she chooses the relationship, insist on honesty and concrete steps to rebuild trust (transparency, counseling if needed, clear boundaries around dating apps). If she doesn’t walk. Staying in hope-of-change with no evidence is how people waste months of their life.
Fourth: red flags to watch for defensiveness, restating your questions instead of answering, blaming you for wanting clarity, continuing ambiguous behavior with dating sites. Those are signals she’s not ready or not willing to be truthful.
Final word: you deserve someone who can give you an honest answer about commitment, not someone “lost” indefinitely while you emotionally stall. Give her the chance to decide, but also give yourself permission to choose peace if she can’t. If you want, I’ll draft that exact one-line message for you so it comes out calm and unambiguous. Which would you prefer, blunt text or a softer in-person script?

[Ask April Masini]

You didn’t overstep you’re allowed to protect yourself and seek honesty in a relationship. Mixed signals, lies, and avoidance are red flags. After six months, it’s reasonable to expect clarity about commitment and fidelity. You’ve done your part by asking directly and setting boundaries. Now, protect your heart; give her space to figure things out, but don’t wait around indefinitely. A loving, supportive relationship requires mutual honesty and effort if she can’t give that, it’s okay to move on.

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