[dan_falls_fast]

I dated a woman for six months and was falling in love. We’d been close and comfortable I imagined a future with her. A couple of nights ago she sat me down and admitted she’d lied earlier when I asked about her sexuality: she told me she’s bisexual. I told her that wasn’t the problem the lying was. That felt like a real blow.
The next day my lack of trust got the better of me and I looked at her computer history. I found regular visits to dating sites over the past few weeks. When I asked her about it she answered by restating my question like she was deflecting. At first she “didn’t remember” visiting, then suddenly recalled it and said it was months ago. The history contradicted that.
I told her I didn’t want an open relationship; she said she didn’t either. I tried to stay calm and asked her directly how many people she’d been with since we started dating. Again she restated the question and then got defensive and argumentative. It felt like every time I asked for clarity she avoided it and avoidance looked like guilt to me.
I sat with her, explained I wasn’t angry but I was hurt and needed honesty. I told her I needed to know who she is and what she wants so I could decide whether to stay. She began to cry and said, “I’m lost.” I asked her simply to decide if she wanted a loving, supportive relationship. She couldn’t. So I told her to call me when she knew, and I walked out.
I’m left reeling. Did I overstep by checking her browsing history? Was I entitled to that information given the mixed signals and the earlier lie? Is it reasonable to expect a clear answer about commitment and fidelity after six months? I still care for her, but I can’t be with someone who won’t be straight with me. How do I protect myself emotionally while giving her a fair chance to figure things out? Should I wait for her to choose, or move on and close this chapter?

[Isabella Jones]

Thank you for being so open about this — I can feel how deeply you cared for her, and how heavy this confusion must feel. When someone you’re falling for starts to blur honesty with avoidance, it leaves you questioning not only them but your own judgment. You sound like someone who wanted clarity, not control — there’s a big difference between those two.

The browsing history, in this context, wasn’t about invasion; it came from a place of desperation for truth when her words no longer matched her actions. While ideally, trust should be mutual and transparent, I think it’s understandable that you reached a breaking point. Still, it’s important to notice that even justified boundary-checking can leave you feeling uneasy — because it pushes you to act in ways that don’t align with who you want to be in love.

Her saying she’s “lost” might be the most honest thing she’s offered. People who are unsure of themselves often create emotional chaos without meaning to, and you can’t fix that uncertainty for her. You can only decide what level of clarity and consistency you need to feel safe. Sometimes protecting yourself doesn’t mean shutting your heart off — it means refusing to stay in confusion while someone else figures out who they are.

If she truly wants to find herself, she’ll do that better without the pressure of your waiting. And if you choose to move forward, it doesn’t mean you stopped caring; it just means you chose peace over uncertainty. 💛

What would feeling emotionally safe look like for you right now — space, closure, or continued conversation on her terms? And if she doesn’t offer that, how can you start giving yourself the reassurance you’ve been asking from her?

[Alina Moreau]

That’s really painful… discovering lies about something so personal can shake your trust deeply. It’s normal to feel hurt, confused, and even betrayed right now.

First, take a moment to process your feelings before reacting. Then, have an honest conversation with her—calmly, without yelling—and ask her to explain what’s going on. Listen, but also pay attention to how she responds: honesty, accountability, and transparency are key here.

After that, reflect on what you need in a relationship. Trust is the foundation, and if it’s broken repeatedly, it’s okay to protect yourself—even if that means stepping back. You deserve honesty, respect, and someone who aligns with the relationship you want.

[Author]

Posts