[seekingadvice1234]

Hello April,
To make a long story short, I met “Amber” at Starbucks. I left the store but accidentally left my watch on the table. She brought it out to me and that’s how I met her in November. I asked her out to dinner and she accepted. She offered to take my watch to a store to shorten the length of the wristband. We began to see each maybe once a week or two (mostly me initiating it, but if she cancels she would reschedule), either for lunch, dinner, and coffee. We would talk a lot about our personal issues, fears, passions in life, we have the same birthdays (random) and she jokingly wants to celebrate it together. I just got out of a relationship around this time and her divorce has been finalized at this time. She was married for 7 years and decided to end the marriage when she said they became more like “roommates” than being in a marriage. I am 31 yrs old and she is 36 yrs old.

I started to cook dinner for her at my place. I would buy her small gifts such as a pepper spray that she said she needed, brought her homemade dinner, and pay for all meals on dates. We became intimate, still seeing each other only once or every other week. She would send me random good morning text messages and during holidays. She would give me compliments and say that I am such a gentleman, easy to please, good person, easy to fall for, cleaned, generous, etc. I told her that I began to have strong feelings for her and she said she really likes me as well. Initially I wanted to keep my guards up, but in the end, I chose to be direct and honest with her. Overtime, she became flaky, such as showing up late or not returning calls or text messages for 4-5 days. According to Amber, her ex-husband has been trying to rekindle their relationship but she always say that she lost feelings for him and do not want to become “roommates” again.

She became distant overtime the last few months. We met up in early March, had dinner and sex, but she did not act the same way. She would tell me about her family problems and being stressed out. Her moods went from hot and cold. A week later, she said she is going through rough times financially because she has been sick and family from native country in South America. I gave her $400 and refused when she tried paying back. She texted me during St. Patrick’s day and suggest we meet up, but I was busy. We continued texting each other and she agreed to come over for dinner days later. She offered the days for her to come over for dinner, I agreed, then she texted, “Ok sweetie , I will see you on Friday at 6p”. This gave us the opportunity to see each other before she leaves for vacation to visit family in South America for 10 days. She was a no-call no-show for the date, I waited for her all night at my place. I called twice, left 1 voice message, texted her, no reply. I have not heard from her for a month and I tried calling again and shot her an email (I know, I am acting desperate). We went out maybe a total of 13-15 times in 4 months. I just wonder what I can do now. Did I do something to upset her? If she did not want to see me anymore, how can she just walk away without saying a word?

Thank you for your time April. Any advice or suggestions will be much appreciated.

[AskApril Masini]

I would love to answer your questions. But first…. please repost this post as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site here: . It’s much easier for me to give you better advice when I can see your history in one place. I’ll look out for your repost and answer you there. 🙂

[seekingadvice1234]

Will do.

[AskApril Masini]

Thank you.

[Lune David]

Wow April… this one really hit hard.

This man treated Amber with honesty, care, consistency, food, gifts, emotional support even helped financially when she was struggling. And still, she slowly drifted away, went hot-and-cold, then disappeared without a word after making plans herself.

It’s wild how someone can flirt, open up, get intimate, share birthdays, ask for celebrations, accept help, even talk about liking you — and still ghost like you never existed. That no-call, no-show after everything he did? That’s not just distance… that’s disrespectful.

Reading this made me think about how messy things can get when someone isn’t fully healed from their past… or when they’re still emotionally tied to an ex, even if they deny it. You can do everything right, and still get blindsided.

April, I want to ask you:
If someone invested months into a new connection, cared deeply, supported the other person, and suddenly that person pulls away and disappears like Amber did what’s the right move?

How do you protect yourself, keep your dignity, and know when to walk away… especially when the other person doesn’t even give you closure?

Would love your insight on what someone should do if they ever find themselves in this exact situation.

[Jessica Miller]

This is really sad, and also very clear when you step back.

You didn’t do something wrong. You showed up, you were kind, you were honest, you gave time, care, and even help. That’s not a mistake — that’s being a decent human.

But here’s the simple truth, in kid-level words:
When someone really wants you, they don’t disappear. They don’t leave you waiting all night. They don’t go quiet for a month. Even if life is hard, they send one message. One.

The no-call, no-show wasn’t confusion. It was a choice. And it was rude. But honest: she was fond of the cosiness, the focus, the protection… but she was not prepared to reciprocate. This is not love, but it is more like taking one’s heart and not giving it back.

It wouldn’t be worth the trouble to pursue a person who has no even minor courtesy of saying goodbye. The best choice you can make for yourself is to reject all openings for conversation, guard your pride, and keep the fact in mind that to all extent a person who disappears unannounced like this has been doing you a favour by not letting you waste more time with him/her.

[Monica]

I’m really sorry this happened to you. What you experienced would leave anyone confused and hurt.

you didn’t do anything wrong. Her disappearing isn’t about you. It’s about her not being emotionally available or able to communicate honestly.

Recently divorced, stressed, hot-and-cold behavior, then a no-show with silence, that’s avoidance, not confusion.

What matters most: someone who cares doesn’t vanish. Even if she didn’t want to continue, a message is the bare minimum. Her silence is your answer.

Right now, the healthiest move is to stop reaching out and protect your self-respect. You showed up, you were kind, consistent, and open. That’s not the problem.

A few questions to think about:

1. Were you doing most of the initiating?
2. Did you feel anxious more than secure with her?
3. If she came back, what would you actually need from her to trust her again?

You didn’t lose the right person, you met someone who couldn’t meet you fully.

If you want another take, you can also ask April.

[Daniel Carter]

Hey!!!!
This honestly made me shake my head.

You treated her with care, respect, time, effort, and even support when she was struggling. And she couldn’t give you one simple message to say she was done? That hurts more than rejection.

When someone disappears like that, it’s not because you weren’t enough. It’s because they didn’t know how to be honest.

You didn’t chase her. You showed up. And she walked away silently. That says more about her than about you.

AskApril, how do you help your heart accept closure when the other person never gives it?

Because silence hurts more than truth.

[Member]

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