[MrRob]

To set the scene – Im 23, single and quite a shy person.

I met a girl who was doing some work experience at a voluntary work organisation that Im a part of. She was helping out behind the scenes, but I got to know her really well. We ended up chatting, laughing and just getting to know each other really well. Within a couple of days, I had a Facebook friend request from her, which is instantly accepted, although even to this date (6 months or so later) Im still the only person that she has added from work, and we have no mutual friends.

We began to meet up outside of work ie going for a drink, and we went to a local music festival together. I enjoted the day I spent with her, and we just seemed perfect. I always go for girls with the quiet personality rather than first sight looks.

Anyway, over the summer, she went back home (she is here as a student) so we sort of lost touch for a while. When she came back, we instantly began texting and although she had an assignment, she said she would hook up again and we’d hang out.

Anyway, we did, and I was also introduced to her best friend, whom is now a friend on Facebook too. Everyone thought we were going to be a couple, but I just didn’t have the courage to ask her properly. I’ve always had a lack of confidence with this kind of thing.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, she mentioned in passing conversation that there is another guy that she had been seeing, which immediately crushed me inside. I later texted her a long message that night explaining how much I like her, and how we always seem t have fun together, and that I wanted to go a bit further. She replied that although this new boy was ‘nothing serious’, she wasnt the kind of girl who would leave someone for somebody else.

Anyway, it took a while, but I got myself over it, although I was still massively in love with her. Then, she began texting me a few weeks ago, saying she hadn’t seen me in ages, and that we should meet up. I agreed, so eventually we went out shopping together. I still wasnt sure on the situation with the other guy, so I played it cool. After we went for a coffee, I talked to her about how I had asked her out, and saidI was sorry if I had made her feel difficult. She then explained that she had liked me, but the bad timing of it made it difficult for her.

I continued to explain properly how I felt, and how we seemed good together, and although she’s been with this guy for 4 months now (still ‘not serious’ as she says), she said that we should still hang out for drinks now and then, and her exact words were – “you never know, if it doesnt last, we could play it by ear and see how it goes?”.

I know most people would say that I should leave her and move on, but everytime Im around her, it feels like we are a good couple – we flirt, have banter, and she says shes even told her friends about me back home. I know she is with someone, but was she dropping me a hint at the end? She said if Id told her earlier, something might have happened, and she also told me that she was in a tough situation, but still has feelings for me.

I guess everyone has been in love with a girl and been rejected, but to be in love with someone who has told you she would have made it happen, but to see her with another guy, it just crushes you inside.

I really dont know what to do. I feel glad that I’ve had a heart to heart convo with her, as at least she knows how I feel. I dont feel like Im a rebound guy, because I was on the scene first, so in away, he is the rebound guy, because she thought I wasnt going to say anything. I guess she will have time to think about it over xmas when she goes home, but it hasnt put me in a better situation 🙁 She isnt even calling him a boyfriend, but just ‘seeing how it turns out’.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve never once asked her out on a date. 😯

Ask her out!

Women know that men are interested because they invite them to go out on dates. If you don’t, she’ll think you’re not that interested. Save the professions of your feelings and instead show her with your actions who you really are. 😉

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[MrRob]

I did. I met her for a drink a few weeks ago, and she told me about the new BF then, though she described it as ‘not serious’ and still quite new. I then told her that I’d liked her for months, but didnt have the chance to tell her. Now she says she wishes Id told her before. Yesterday when I saw her, she said she wasnt sure which direction her relationship would go, but said that if it didnt work out, she would go on dates with me and play it by ear.

Thing is, I now feel bad, because I’ve put her in a tough situation, although she has said she would never get with somebody else while in a relationship – which is a good thing I guess.

Most people would move on from rejection, but how do you move on when shes telling you she likes you, and would have got with you before, and will get with you if they break up? Even now, we still get along like a couple – go shopping together, go for drinks etc…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Thing is, I now feel bad, because I’ve put her in a tough situation, although she has said she would never get with somebody else while in a relationship – which is a good thing I guess.[/quote]

I’m not sure why you think you’ve put her in a tough situation. 😕 You’ve put her in a great situation! She should be wildly flattered. There are problems, and there are[i] quality problems. [/i] You just gave her a quality problem. 🙂

[quote]Most people would move on from rejection, but how do you move on when shes telling you she likes you, and would have got with you before, and will get with you if they break up? Even now, we still get along like a couple – go shopping together, go for drinks etc…[/quote]

This one is easy, but I can tell it’s new territory for you. If she likes you, but won’t date you, and the goal is to date her, then you move on, and make her miss what she can’t have. If you continue in the friend zone, there’s absolutely no incentive for her to make any changes in her life. You should DEFINITELY not be going shopping and out for drinks with her. It sends her the wrong message; it sends you the wrong message; and it makes you unavailable for other women who might be interested in you, but don’t flirt with you because they think that you and she are a couple. 😳

There’s a reason that the dating game is called a game — you have to play to win! 😉

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[MrRob]

So do you think she was being genuine with her promise, or just trying to make me feel better as a friend.

Thanks for the help 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think she [i]promised[/i] you that if things didn’t work out with her boyfriend she’d date you. As you describe it…. [quote] her exact words were – “you never know, if it doesnt last, we could play it by ear and see how it goes?”.
[/quote].

I’m sure she didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m not sure you can take what she said to the bank because so much depends on what happens between she and the other guy, your personal development, anyone else who might come into your life or hers in the meantime, etc.

In other words, you should learn what you can from this episode and use it to make your next love interest an even more successful endeavor. 😉

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[MrRob]

Thanks very much for the advice 🙂

Just to bring a quick update, I have since met up with this girl now that she has come back from her Xmas break and finished all of her Uni work. We went for coffee, just a quick 1 hour meetup after work where it all seemed to go well.

She was her usually self, talking, smiling and flirting, like I she always used to do. It got to the point where I had to ask her about her situation with this other guy. I simply asked: “So how are you and the other guy getting along?”

She seemed to look awkward, and her reply was, “Its complicated at the moment… I don’t wanna talk about it.” She then suggested I should come out later in the week for her friend’s birthday night out – I was about to, but she apparently got so drunk that she didnt reply to my message asking where we should meet, and she went home early. I did get an apology text in the morning.

Ive also noticed a comment that someone wrote on her Facebook following a nightout by another girl: “You looked smoking in that dress, I hope you pulled”, to which her reply was just: ” Eugh no boys for me, nightmare! X”

I’m not sure what the phrase “complicated” means for a girl. I have no idea whether they have split up, taking a break or what, but Im also worried about pestering her. I feel conscious about texting her for a meetup just days after the last one incase she feels im coming on too strong.

Her favourite band in the world are playing in town next week and I had contemplated getting tickets and taking her to the gig, but Im just generally confused by the whole situation 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Ask her out on a second date. You’re thinking about this too much instead of just diving in. Get to know her on dates, and you’ll have a much better idea of whether she’s someone who would make a good girlfriend or not. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[MrRob]

Took her along to the gig last night, and she really enjoyed it. Dropped her off afterwards and asked if I could take her out again sometime – she looked a bit awkward, then started explaining the situation between her and the other guy.

Turns out they split up over xmas, but he has been calling her names since. She still says she has feelings for him, although dreads bumping into him as he has been blanking her lately. She now says she only has feelings for him and still wants to stay friends with me. I cant understand women – a man can treat her like s*** and yet she adores him, yet another guy that she also liked is helping her and being one of her best friends and she would rather be with him :s

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Time for you to move on! It was a two date investment — really not a big deal in the scheme of things. Now…. you need to accept what she’s told you and find someone who’s interested and available. 😉

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