[Anonymous]

Hello everybody,

Let me start off by trying to explain some background information. Really sorry for the probably long read, but advice would be so much appreciated right now.

I’m 17 and a senior in high school. Ever since I was in junior high, I’ve really liked a girl that is in my church’s youth group, who’s a little more than a year younger than me. From the time we got to know each other, we started to flirt with each other, though this went on for maybe about two years without either one of us making a move to start a relationship. I was somewhat socially awkward back then, and with no experience with girls, had no clue how to do it. Nothing really happened until the summer before my junior year, when a mutual friend came up to me at an activity we were both at and asked me if I was interested in her. For whatever reason, I chickened out and said no, though a day later a good friend of mine talked to her and let her know that I really did like her. I don’t remember exactly what she replied, but it was something along the lines of she didn’t mean it, which was an obvious lie.

From there, we both started to draw apart. The incident was never mentioned by either of us again, and we stopped flirting and talking to each other as much as we used to. I decided that I’d goofed up and that it was probably pointless to still dream of a relationship with her. I began to try to bury my feelings for her, and I stopped talking to her almost completely. At this point, we both pretty much pretended that the other one didn’t exist, and I hated every second of it.

She began to move away from our youth group and her beliefs, though she still attended church during this time, though not as often as she regularly did. She got in with a group of rough friends from her school towards the end of her sophomore year (my junior year). It was at this point that for a few quick days, she gave me some very good signs that she was interested again, and I’d made my plan not to lose her again. I made signs to show her I was interested, until right around the time I’d planned to make my move, she began dating a skater she’d known from school. Her friends said she got into a bit of marijuana and some other bad things as far as we feel, and we’d often go weeks at a time without seeing her at church or at an activity. I decided I didn’t want to date anyone like that, and worked even harder to move on and bury my feelings for her.

Fast forward a few months to where we are now. She’s still dating this guy, but I think she’s working a little bit to get back to how she used to be. I think her problem is that while she realizes what’s wrong, she refuses to get rid of her boyfriend and the friends she hangs out with, even though everyone I know that also knows her believes that’s what’s bringing her down. I’ve realized over the past few days that even though she may not be the same kind of person I was originally interested in, I still have feelings deep down for her, and I can’t explain why. I thought it would just be easier to move on and forget about her, but something keeps drawing me back to those feelings for her. I don’t think it’s just her physical beauty, as she’s not as good looking as she used to be, but I still think there’s something about her I’m drawn to.

A few days ago while we were both at a church camp type thing and I was with her along with my best friend and her best friend, she got to saying that we never talked anymore, and that she felt like it had been years since we had. This is the first time she’s even pretty much acknowledged my existence within the past few months, let alone the fact that we don’t talk to each other as much as we used to. It got me to thinking about my feelings for her, and it left me confused as to what I should do.

It’s at this point that I’m at a crossroads. Part of me feels like I have nothing left to lose by trying to start a friendship with her again. Another part of me feels that even if I can succeed in making her a friend again, that deep down I’ll be disappointed because I like her as more than a friend and I’ll just be waiting for her to see the light and maybe even get rid of her boyfriend. I don’t even know how to start this over again, if it’s even worth it. Knowing each other from church only, we only see each other for maybe 3 or 4 hours a week, if she even comes, which isn’t much these days, so our chances to talk to each other are rare. We never texted or anything, so asking for her number probably wouldn’t be a good idea at this point, and I deleted her from Facebook a few months ago, and at this point I’d feel awkward for adding her again.

So does anyone have any advice? Should I begin the long process of slowly trying to work my way up to talking to her regularly again and maybe even considering her as a friend in time? Or should I just cut the chord and continue on burying my feelings for her while I wait to see if I even meet some other girl I’m more interested in (which hasn’t happened in the past few years, obviously)?

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like there is something intriguing about this girl, and that you have feelings for her, but you’re not sure they will be reciprocated or that they’re feelings you’ll continue to have as you get to know her further. In the past, you decided to do nothing rather than explore awkward conversations and possible rejection, but as you’re getting older, you’re realizing that rejection is part of life, and that without it, you completely lose the chance you may actually win this girl over! 😉

My advice is to be true to your feelings — you want to date her, but you’re afraid of the competition and the rejection. Let your interest in her overcome the fear. Ask her if she’d like to go to a movie or bowling or to some event that would be fun for both of you. Take it one day at a time, but don’t bury your feelings without going for what you want — a first date with her!

I hope that helps, and that you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook: [url][/url].

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