[helpplease]

i am in a relationship for 4 years. my boyfriend is very nice, is polite and cares for me. but the only problem is that he is not sincere for his career. he constantly fails in exams. i asked him if he wants to pursue some other field but he denies. i tried everything- explained politely, taught him, scolded, tried to move away, but no change. my parents will not allow to marry him until he becomes stable. i told him all of this. he says he is trying. i worry it will be too late if he continues this way. i thought to break up with him, but i fear it would be too selfish thing. i am messed up in life, as i am physically involved too. please advice what should i do???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If the only reason you don’t want to break up with him is because you think it’s selfish, then you need to rethink the relationship. If you don’t believe in your boyfriend and you don’t respect him, then the relationship won’t work in the long run. He isn’t going to to want to be with someone who doesn’t think he’s the greatest guy on the planet — and he deserves to have that. 😀 Believe me — even guys who are homeless, find women who think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread….. for [i]some[/i] reason. You don’t have this with that guy. You’re stuck in a four year rut, and you’re approaching the age of marriage, and are having trouble breaking away because you have a physical bond that comes from having sex with him. It’s a lot harder to leave that kind of relationship.

If he’s not going to be successful in a way that you feel is important, then you need to understand that you may love him, but he’s not compatible for you as a husband. Love is great, but it’s not enough to make a long term marriage work. There has to be compatibility and mutual goals. 😉

I know this is hard, but you can do it.

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