[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 9 months and we have been living together for 13 months.

I have been thinking about this the whole past week and can’t get it out of my mind. I feel like I have reach my maximum in the relationship. We have reached the climax and though I still love him to bits, I don’t feel I am 100% in the relationship and that I can provide him with what he wants and deserves. I am kind of missing my single life and I am a very independent guy, so I cannot commit any more than what I have so far. Personally, 1 year and 9 months with a guy is quite a big step and a big thing.

The thing is, my boyfriend is the opposite. He is very caring and “needy”. If I went to break up with him it would break his heart. He is quite much in love with me, and he was occasionally told me he couldn’t imagine how he would make it if he found himself without me… He is the sweetest guy I know and just the thought of doing this to him brings me to tears.

At the same time I can’t imagine my life without him, although that is what breaking up with him entails. We have done and “built” so much together… his family… the practical stuff as we live together… It would be heartbreaking for me to, but the last days I have been like a ghost, and I don’t think that is fair for him or healthy for me.

It’s not just the fact that I want to “see other people”. And it is not particularly because it is him, but I feel caged. I am a wild animal in the sense I need my liberty and freedom to do what I like when I like. And I know now I am feeling I need to “unshackle” myself. Am I being too selfish and self-centered??

God, I don’t even know how I should tell him all this stuff… I really don’t want to hurt him.

[optimistvik]

I think you can give this issue more time, try to relax and take a decision in clear mindset. you have told you love him very much, so give time.

[AskApril Masini]

Think about it this way: Would you want to be in a committed, monogamous relationship, living with your partner, if he didn’t want to be in the relationships?

If you stay with your partner for the sole reason that you don’t want to hurt his feelings, here’s what’s going to happen: You’re going to get more and more resentful with each passing day. You’re going to act out. You’re going to treat him badly. You’re going to find yourself lying to him. And you’re going to be living a lie. And so will he.

Now. Is that really being kind to your partner?

Newsflash: Sometimes love doesn’t work out. You’ve given it your best shot, and if you’re ready to move on, then you have to honor who you are, because if you’re not honest with yourself, you can’t be honest with anyone.

In addition, your partner has a responsibility to accept you as a whole human being. That means sometimes there’s ups and sometimes there’s downs. This impending break up is going to be the culmination of a bunch of downs. He won’t be the first or the last man to be broken up with. Break ups happen.

What most people don’t realize is that they happen for the best. It serves no one’s interests to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them, and when there are not children involved, it’s not a big family you’re breaking up.

So, go do what you have to do and do it with as much grace as you can find.

[Member]

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