[dazedandconfused88]

I’m sure you’ve answered many of these best-friend questions but I’m fairly certain none have been like this, so here I go.

I met this girl about 6 or 7 years ago when she was dating one of my good guy friends. They broke it off about a year after I met her and we lost touch with each other. Then about a year ago we just started talking normally and that eventually grew into a great friendship. I found out she had been dating this guy for a while and about a month ago they broke it off after a 4 year relationship. She believed this was the guy she was going to marry and still somewhat believes it. As a great friend, I was there for her and listened to her and talked with her about it. Then about two weeks ago we decided to just hang out and help her get her mind off things. This meeting eventually led to kissing and my feelings grew for her from a best friend to someone I would consider dating.

Now I am past the part which most people say is hardest. I have told her about my feelings and she said she would love to date me but needs time to get over the past relationship. Now I understand this because she still believes the other guy was the one for her even though he was a complete jerk to her, I know all his stories.

Like I said, I have told her my feelings and she did somewhat return them, but me and this girl are so close that I protect her like a little sister. She is also an ex of one of my good friends, who still wants her by the way. I just don’t know if actually dating her would turn out well or not. We’ve been best friends for over a year now and tell each other everything, and I do mean everything. Like I also said we did end up kissing when she was here but in my head I thought that she was just feeling lonely now after a 4 year relationship. I think this because she tried to get further with me that night but me being the nice guy that I am, just couldn’t go further knowing that she was just feeling lonely.

What do you think I should do? Should I follow through on this and wait until she’s ready to date again or just drop it and stay best friends with her? I’d rather have her as a best friend than not have her at all. I would like to date her but I just can’t tell if it’s the right thing to do.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You may think you’re her best friend, but once you made out with her, that changed everything. Sex (and making out) changes relationships. You can’t go back to being her best friend (even though I don’t think that’s ever what you really wanted from her).

Since she broke up with her boyfriend, made out with you, and then said she isn’t ready to date you — she basically shot you down. Especially since you told her your feelings and that you’d like to date her, and she said no, not now –with no caveat, like, wait a week or a month and I’ll be ready, etc.

I know you want to be her best friend again and that you treat her “like a little sister” but you need to stop fooling yourself — I doubt you make out with your little sister! I think you are using the “best friend” moniker to fool yourself into staying close to her without having to make a commitment or to ask for one from her, and now that you have asked her for a date and she’s said no, it’s time to move on.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

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