[Ask April Masini]

Wait a few days and then give her a call. Be upbeat and let her know you want to see her again! If she’s not responsive to your text and to your phone call, then drop it and move on. But definitely try the phone this time. If she does respond, her voice will give you clues about her feelings and vice versa. I think it’s too soon to be talking to her about a future together in terms of flying to see each other. If you have a third date then you can mention it without coming on too strong. And if you do mention it on that date, any conversation that follows will be a great way to learn her feelings about your idea of commuting on a one hour plane ride back and forth. She may like the idea, or she may not be up for it, but first you need to get that third date and then bring it up while things are going well on that date. 😉

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… that story made my stomach drop. like, i get it, you love her, you missed her, but now your brain’s stuck replaying a movie you never wanted to see. been there. it’s not even about “forgiveness,” it’s about how disgust stays louder than logic. and honestly? love can’t survive if every time you look at her, maybe you don’t need to leave yet, just stop pretending it doesn’t mess with you. feel it but don’t gaslight your own gut. your peace is way much more important🖤

[Ethan Morales]

This one’s heavy. You’re not over what happened and you shouldn’t pretend to be. Let’s be real: yes, you technically weren’t together when she slept with your friend. But emotional loyalty doesn’t switch off that easily. You stayed connected talked every day, still loved each other so it feels like betrayal. And the fact that it was your friend makes it cut twice as deep.

You’re trying to forgive too fast. You said you love her, and I don’t doubt that. But you’re trying to “move on” without really processing what this did to you. You can’t bury disgust or heartbreak; those emotions don’t vanish. They rot quietly and poison everything else later.

You’re fixated on the image. The mental picture of them together especially in her room, on that bed it’s going to haunt you until you face it head-on. Avoiding it won’t work. You’ve got to talk about it maybe even with a therapist and allow yourself to feel all of it instead of pretending you’re okay.

You need closure with the friend. April Masini was right that conversation matters. It’s not about yelling; it’s about reclaiming your dignity. You don’t need to forgive him, but you do need to tell him what he broke. Otherwise, that anger keeps eating you alive in silence.

About her drinking: If she truly “can’t handle alcohol,” then she needs to take accountability and stop drinking full stop. “I do stupid things when drunk” isn’t a personality quirk; it’s a pattern that destroys trust.

Now the question: Should you end it? Not yet but don’t force yourself to stay either. Stay only if both of you are willing to do real emotional work. That means uncomfortable conversations, therapy if possible, and her changing how she handles alcohol. If she downplays it, or if you find yourself constantly replaying what happened, it’s not a relationship anymore it’s torture.

If you want my blunt truth: You can forgive her. But you may never forget. And if you can’t imagine peace returning not just someday, but ever then love isn’t enough to save this.

Would you say you trust her again even a little? Or is it gone completely?

[Marcus king]

That’s a very heavy thing to carry, Benny. When you love someone, even if what happened was during a break, it’s hard to erase the image of them with someone else—especially someone you know. It’s not just jealousy, it’s grief. It’s the shock of realizing that what felt like “yours” continued to exist in a way that hurt you deeply.

You said you believe her, that she was drunk, that she stopped him at first, and that she’s angry at him now. That matters. It means what happened may not have been something she truly wanted or could control. But even if you can understand that logically, your emotions don’t catch up right away. They need time and honesty.

You don’t have to rush into deciding whether to stay or leave. You can take some space and see how you feel being with her day to day. Notice whether love feels stronger than the pain or if the pain keeps winning. If being close to her now just reopens the wound over and over, then stepping back might be an act of self-respect, not punishment.

If you choose to stay, it’s okay to say that you’re still hurting and that you need time before certain things, like visiting that house or being intimate feel normal again. Sometimes love needs room to breathe before it can rebuild trust.

[PassionSeeker]

You’ve got a big heart, and that’s clear from all of this. But you’re doing something that so many of us do when we care deeply: you’re overinvesting before you’ve been invited to.

Let’s start with this girl the one who’s now slow to respond. Her pauses, the excuses, the vague answers they’re all quiet signs of hesitation. When someone’s interested, they find ways to make time. When they’re unsure, they make space. Don’t fill that silence with explanations like “maybe she’s busy” or “maybe she’s afraid because I’m moving.” Those might be true, but if she wanted to see you, she’d make it clear.

The best move now? Don’t chase. No “just checking in” or heartfelt explanations. Let her come to you. If she doesn’t that is your answer.

And about staying an extra month? Don’t change your life plans for someone who’s unsure about having dinner. Real connection doesn’t need convincing.

Keep your energy for the woman who texts back because she can’t wait to see you again. You deserve that kind of clarity.

[Tara]

End it. Save what is left of you. Walk away. Move forward.
You are trying to rebuild a relationship on top of a wound that is still bleeding. You keep trying to convince yourself that the context should make it easier. You were apart. She was drunk. The guy was a friend. She feels bad. None of that changes the simple fact that the image of what she did is eating you alive.

You did not process anything. You tried to skip the pain and jump straight back into love. Now the reality is hitting you in the face. That is why you cry. That is why you feel sick. That is why you cannot even picture the bed without wanting to walk out of your own skin. Your mind is telling you the truth your heart refuses to admit. The trust is broken. The bond is contaminated. And you are not built to carry this kind of betrayal without it destroying your peace.

Forget the technicalities of whether you were together or not. Forget the excuses about alcohol. Forget the fantasy of love conquering everything. This is about you. You cannot live with what she did. You feel disgust. You feel resentment. You feel replaced. And you are trying to pretend that you can just push those thoughts aside. You cannot.
Here is your reality. You have two paths.

You accept what happened in full. No softening it. No rewriting it. You swallow it whole and commit to rebuilding without turning it into a weapon or replaying it endlessly. You become a man who can genuinely forgive and move on.

Or you admit the truth. You are not capable of forgiving this. You cannot unsee it. You cannot date someone who triggers a pit in your stomach every time you think about her past four months.
The answer you are scared of is the correct one. You are not able to forgive her and you are pretending you can. That is emotional self-torture.

[Sally]

When someone you love tells you something like that, it doesn’t just sit in your mind it sits in your body. And it’s hard to unsee it.
Here’s the thing, though. You two weren’t together then. What’s hurting you isn’t the timing, it’s the picture in your head. And I’ve been in that spot before loving someone while fighting the replay of something I can’t change.

You don’t have to decide today if you should stay or go. But pay attention to how you feel when you’re with her now. If being with her feels safe and steady, that matters. If you’re drowning in this and she can’t meet you in that, which matters too.

Just be honest with yourself. The answer usually comes quieter than you expect.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel the whirlwind of emotions you’re going through confusion, hurt, and uncertainty and it makes total sense given the situations you’ve described. With your girlfriend, the main thing that stands out is that there’s a lot of miscommunication and differing expectations. During the time you were apart, there were clear boundaries you each interpreted differently. She wasn’t officially in a relationship with you, so technically she didn’t cheat, but the emotional impact on you is completely valid. It’s understandable that you’re struggling with images of her being with someone else, especially because it was a friend you knew and trusted. That can cut deeper than just a stranger, and your feelings of disgust and sadness are natural, not something to ignore or suppress.

What April emphasizes and what I strongly agree with is that you need to process these feelings before you can truly move forward with her. You haven’t fully worked through the hurt, anger, and betrayal you feel, and trying to suppress it by getting back together or rationalizing it will only prolong your pain. Confronting your feelings honestly, and even discussing them with her, is essential. This doesn’t mean blaming her, but explaining how her past choices while you were apart affected you emotionally can help both of you understand where you stand.

It’s also very important to clarify expectations in your relationship moving forward. The “label” conversation is key: if you don’t want her dating other people while you’re apart, she needs to understand that. Likewise, if she wants that freedom, you need to accept it. This is not about controlling her but about being clear on what each of you truly wants and needs. Misunderstandings and vague agreements create recurring pain and resentment. You need to be aligned on boundaries and expectations before you can have a healthy relationship.

Regarding your dating situation with the new girl, the same principles apply: patience, clarity, and communication are crucial. Waiting for a text response doesn’t necessarily mean disinterest, and being too pushy could push her away. Following up with a phone call is much more personal and shows genuine interest without seeming desperate. It also gives you real-time feedback on her feelings and intentions. Keep the energy upbeat and focus on connecting rather than worrying about how quickly she responds.

For both situations, the underlying lesson is emotional self-regulation. Right now, you’re experiencing intense emotional highs and lows that are making it hard to think clearly. Before making big moves whether it’s pursuing your ex-girlfriend after the complicated break or chasing a new connection give yourself space to process your feelings, set clear intentions, and communicate openly without letting fear, jealousy, or impatience drive your actions. Doing this will give you more control, help you avoid unnecessary hurt, and increase the chances of meaningful, lasting relationships.

[Author]

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