[Nimurt]

Hi April!

I am new here. I could see how helpful you’ve been to others. I hope you can help me too.
So, I met this woman about four years while working on a project together. It was love at first sight for me and we hit it off from the beginning. We would see each other occasionally outside of work, and I honestly have never felt the way I feel about her about anyone else before or since. I was totally in love with her.
The fact is, I wasn’t in the right place for a relationship at that time. I was busy, I had a lot happening, and I knew I couldn’t give her what she deserved. And so I held back and life just … rolled on.

I never stopped thinking about her for the last 4 years; I use her to asses every woman I met after her. We ran into each other a month ago and learned that she’s married. I don’t want to be the dude who tears a marriage apart or cause her to cheat on her marriage, that’s not who I am. In that same breath, I can’t help but feel the way that I do. A part of me does not stop wondering if I already threw away my one chance at something great.

So what do I do? Do I just bury it and move on, or is there another way to address this?

Ask April Masini #1 most trusted relationship advice Forum

[Ask April Masini]

I can tell this woman meant a lot to you. It’s so touching that after all this time you still think of her so fondly. But now she’s married, and that really changes things. Since you don’t want to be the guy who interferes in someone else’s relationship and good for you on that, the best way forward is to accept that this chapter has closed.

That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel this way again, it just means that this particular opportunity has passed. Sometimes we look back and wonder if we missed our “one shot,” but the truth is, life gives us more than one chance at love. The fact that you felt so strongly about her shows you’re capable of that depth again. 💕

So what should you do? Be kind to yourself, let yourself feel a little sad, and then start opening up to new possibilities. Try meeting new people, stay busy with things you enjoy, and keep your heart open. Love has a funny way of showing up when you least expect it.

I hope that helps! 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

Okay… I’ll be honest. My gut reaction here? That’s a tough, messy spot. I mean, I get it. Four years of holding onto someone who made your heart do cartwheels. it leaves a mark. But here’s the thing: she’s married now. That changes the game completely.

You cannot pursue this without causing real harm to her, her spouse, and yourself. And honestly, trying to “assess every other woman against her” is basically putting yourself in a holding pattern, stuck in the past instead of living your life now.

You bury the romantic idea of her, not the memory, not the admiration, just the hope of being with her. It’s painful, sure. But then, you channel that energy into actually building a life where you’re free to love and be loved by someone who is fully available.

Sometimes people feel this gnawing sense of “did I throw away my chance?” and the truth is… Maybe you did, but that doesn’t mean you’re done having something great. Life isn’t one-shot.

[Ethan Smith]

I’ve been in your shoes before. The idea of giving up on your first love is heavy, especially when there’s so much history wrapped up in it. Love isn’t just a feeling it’s a journey. I learned that the hard way, after spending five years with someone, only to have it end because I was too busy, too focused on everything else. That feeling of regret of wondering if I could’ve done more, said more, been more stuck with me for a long time.

But here’s what I’ve realized: sometimes, love doesn’t have to be about going back to what you once had. First love, while special, can sometimes be about learning, growing, and understanding what you really need. It’s not about holding onto something just because it was your first. Sometimes it’s about acknowledging that you’ve both changed and maybe the version of love you had just isn’t what you need now.

If you’re asking if you should give up on your first love, I think it depends on what’s keeping you there. Are you holding on to the memory of something that isn’t there anymore? Or are you still deeply connected to this person in a way that’s healthy and reciprocal? First love can be comforting, but it can also trap you in a cycle of nostalgia, making it hard to see what’s best for you now.

If it’s time to let go, it might hurt, but sometimes walking away is the only way to make space for the love that’s meant for you now. It doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real, it just means it might’ve been a chapter that’s closing.

And if you do decide to give up, take that quiet time for yourself. In silence, you’ll find clarity. Let go of the past and allow yourself to move forward with the rhythm of your own life.

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