[Katricoah]

Good morning everyone!

I need to run this by some fresh eyes, as my family and friends are too personally involved in the situation, so here it goes: my ex and I were together for two years. He is a good man with a good heart, but was dealing with severe anxiety which, he claimed, kept him confined to our bedroom and unable to work for roughly 2/3 of our relationship (read: wasn’t looking for a job). Eventually I had to start working to support myself and my son from a previous relationship. Additionally I attend school full time and my ex was left three days a week to his own devices while my son and I were attending our respective schools. About three months ago, after 8 months of unemployment and two months of being unable to leave the room and join other family activities, I broke up with him and he moved closer to his family in a separate state, several hours away.

Since we broke up, he has finally sought help for his anxiety and is currently on medication, he has an opportunity to join a well-paying military program and is planning on finally getting his own place to live. He has made extraordinary progress personally, albeit the job and residence are still only offers and not set in stone. Currently, I am dating a very nice, successful man in my own area. We are not yet in a committed relationship, a fact with which I am very comfortable, but it is going well. My problem is that, after two years spent with my ex, I am missing the comfort and stability our relationship offered. He wants to get back together, and I very frequently feel that no one else will love me in the same fashion he did. I still love him, but our being in a relationship was a risk when we first jumped into it together, and I’m not sure if I am “able”, especially with a child, to take that risk again.

I feel like I need to hear from someone who hasn’t been involved as a part of our relationship to help me gauge this on a simplified level, and I would greatly appreciate any advice from outside sources.

Thank you kindly.

[kitty7887]

If for what it is worth, I have been in two marriages myself. I am 31 and have felt the same way you have but in a different situation. One, never feel as though there would never be anyone that will love you like he did. There are all sorts of fish in the sea that would be lucky to have such a wonderful and caring person such as yourself. You are of worth and as long as you show that caring part of yourself , others will love everything about you and more. From being on the outside ( reading your posting) and somewhat know a little of how you feel. I would start things out by talking with him, encourage him and give him a little praise when you hear about him making those steps into the directions he going. Allow him to know that he can succeed in whatever job decision that he wants to go to. Also give him your opinion in a nice way. Maybe it will encourage him to make the right decisions. Sometimes men need to hear that from someone they care about.

As far as your relationship goes… take things really slow. Wait for him to be stable enough to provide for himself. You will know in your heart what and when things need to happen. But over all dont go back if all you feel about yourself is that no one is going to feel the same way he did. Someone will if you want them to and will allow them to love you in the same way you deserve to be loved. Everyone deserves that despite how many relationships they have been in. Everyone craves to be loved by someone and wants to feel special( and they should.) I hope I was not just rambling on about things. I am by no means a professional in relationships but I have been shown that all women are valuable and unique in everyway. They should be treated with respect as every person does. You worked hard for what you have and for your son. You did what you needed to do to protect yourself and your son. Sometimes actions like that need to be taken to open a mans eyes to see what he needs. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesnt, depends on how prideful they are. Just give it time and dont move too quickly. Think of things threw and over time the answers will come to you.

Kitty

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you? And how old is he? How old is your son?

[Katricoah]

I am 23, he is 28, and my son is 3.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No. You should not go back. You chose, in your ex, a man who had mental illness and unemployment. 😕 Not good choices at all for a single mother. 🙄 Since you’ve broken up with him, the only thing that’s changed is that you say he’s taking medication. That should have happened during the two years you were dating — and it’s really not enough of a change to make him a suitable step-dad for your son.

Wake up and smell the coffee. If you want another child, find a suitable husband and have one — but don’t go back to this guy who needs to be taken care of, clearly, and hope that he’s going to become someone he’s not. He’s 28 years old and he needs help you can’t give him — even if you continue to try. So don’t.

Instead, focus on yourself, your son and your education, career and relationship — but this time around, please, please read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You need this book!

I hope this helps — and that you’ll really do the right thing for you son’s sake. 😀 Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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