[chezwee]

Hi I am new …

I am going thru a very long divorce and had an affair with an old high school flame that lasted 9 months . We stopped seeing eachother in September and I was devastated . Throughout the entire relationship it was very convoluted … alot of issues with my being married and his not sure of his feelings etc . There were times I was very needy and came on too strong as a result . I know this bothered him and he made it pretty clear . We both did a lot of bad things hurting eachother etc . the last being a friend of mine sent him an e-mail because of something mean he said to me and she chewed him out . He then took himself off my facebook acct . and will not respond to anything I send via e-mail or texts or calls . I did not contact him for about 4 or 5 weeks and then a friend suggested I send a Halloween card to show I was not serious and therefore approachable , no response , then I sent a Thanksgiving card that was really funny and again , no response although it’s only been a day or two since I’m pretty sure he recieved it . He told me several times he thought about us being together long term but would also say there were things about me he really liked and some things he hated . He said he had a ” two year plan ” regarding where he wanted to be with a new business venture but once asked me to marry him in 5 years ( it was very casual and I just said ” Ok ” ) I did not write anything personal in either card , just signed my name .
He made several comments throughout our relationship about if the relationship not being a probability now maybe it would be in the future . I think he just got sick of the drama but I know he was crazy about me . There is alot I’m leaving out here but we had a chemistry like no other I have ever experienced and I know he felt it too . My friends say there is no way someone can feel that kind of thing alone . I’m afraid the e-mail from my friend was the last straw but he forgave me so many other things during our relationship as I did in return . If he will not speak to me how do I get him back ? I just feel deep in my soul we’re meant to be together and need some perspective as to whether to hold out hope or not . If I can somehow let him know my divorce is almost final do you think that would help and how to I go about letting him find out ? Thanks for any advice , Chezwee

[kai]

Hey chezwee, like i mentioned to several other posters — April has told everyone that [u]the welcome area is not to be used as the Q & A advice forum[/u]. it even says “[b]DO NOT post your questions[/b]” here, when you go to sign up.

i suggest you delete the questions you posted in the welcome forum and repost them in the Q & A Relationship Advice Forum instead. i doubt you’ll get a response if you leave them in the welcome area.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Sally]

Right now, holding onto hope is keeping you stuck. Not because what you had wasn’t real, but because he’s chosen silence. That’s the part you have to listen to, even when it hurts. Someone who wants to come back doesn’t ignore cards, emails, and time apart. They reach out, even awkwardly.

The chemistry mattered. I believe that. But chemistry alone doesn’t make a relationship safe or steady. This was built in chaos, secrecy, and pain on both sides. Those patterns don’t magically disappear just because the divorce is almost final.

Sending more signals, updates, or messages won’t pull him closer. It’ll just keep reopening the wound. The strongest thing you can do right now is stop trying to convince him and turn your focus back to yourself and finishing this chapter of your life.
If it’s meant to come back, it will do so without chasing. And if it doesn’t, you deserve a love that doesn’t require you to disappear to be missed.

[Member]

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