[SilverC6]

Dear April,

I’ve come to you as I know that, you will give straight forward advice. Here is my dilemma. I am recently divorced of 13 years and decided to give the dating game a go. Being that I am not the kind to meet in bars and my work schedule is difficult, I decided to try my luck on a dating website. Yes, they’re several ones on there who just couldn’t cut the mustard ( ie@ lies, deceit I’m divorced when actually I’m really married). Then a very strikingly handsome man came my way two and a half mths ago. We corresponded, found that we were compatible and decided to meet. He came from another Country to America years ago and is of Persian decent.

I am also half Persian so this was another bonus. We instantly starting dating, becoming exclusive, I’ve met his Co-Workers, Friends, etc. We fell in love quickly, he does the little things for me, been to his residence several times, treats me very well and have discussed marriage in the future. He has also been married before as well.

Here is where the problem comes in: Last week while we were out together having dinner, he received a phone call in which he did not answer. I knew then, there was a reason he wasn’t answering it. His phone kept ringing and he kept receiving text mails as he would only reply to the text. Then he disclosed to me that, ‘ Our waitress is friends with his Ex Wife. It is his Ex wife whom is calling causing problems.) I became somewhat angry as, I felt he should’ve ignored her calls as he no longer has responsibility to her.

The drama has only just begun. Prior to this, I’ve never had a reason not to trust him. Three days ago, I did a little snooping on the particular dating website that he had met. He has always kept his profile private. Until, I discovered that, he made his profile public AND gave the wrong location of his residence. Immediately, I was angered and questioned him of this. He stated some lame answer as to why he did this as I stated he was looking for a quick hook up. He apologized and vowed to take the profile down together.

Then just yesterday, we were together as I am being forced to relocate from my residence. He volunteered the idea of us getting a place together. At first I was reluctant but, I agreed. We spent yesterday looking at a place and have one in mind. Throughout the day, it was very bad. From us being locked out of his place of business to his residence. Then came my final straw. A mutual guy friend of his has a live in girlfriend. The guy friend is out of town and the girlfriend posted a note on my boyfriend’s residence stating, ‘ she was out of money, needed food,the children are hungry, can’t get a hold of her boyfriend and needed him to help.’

Oh wait April.. it get’s better! Among all of the chaos yesterday, I thought this was the icing on the cake. NO! His ex wife calls, asking for money to help on the house note. ( No children between the two) and he decided to become a good person, helping his friends girlfriend out. We along with another mutual friend took food over. I thought this was going out of the way, knowing he didn’t have too. However, he later disclosed that he gave her money and is filling up her gas tank! WHAT??? This angered me as he doesn’t have responsibility to her yet, she is using him.

It caused an argument last night, I ended up leaving in the middle of the night and today I made several attempts to call him all to hear of no answer. I even gave a text of an apology as my frustration wasn’t meant to be indirectly directed towards him but, I can’t help but to become upset as I know people are taking advantage of you. I also stated I am stepping back as this is his problem not mine.

Advice? Should I leave as it is too much or should I cut my ties and go?

Thank You.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Cut your ties and go.

I’m sure you know that that’s what you’re supposed to do — now you have my permission. 🙂

And a little side note: DO NOT ever agree to live with someone you’ve known for two months, who you met on a dating website and about whom you have serious doubts. 😮 You’re looking for big trouble that way. 😯 Be safe — take your time, and DO NOT rush. You’re coming out of a failed marriage, so make this next relationship work by really getting to know the man and yourself and choosing someone compatible. 😉

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[SilverC6]

Thank You April very much for your wisdom and always for your great advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome, and I wish you luck. Let me know how things go after some time.

And in the meantime….. I have a favor to ask. If you’re comfortable, I’m looking for video “references” from readers like yourself who got advice from me. If you’re interested in submitting a video that I can own and post, please e-mail it to me at [email protected].

Thanks, and good luck! 😀

[SilverC6]

Dear April, ** UPDATE***

Against your wonderful advice, I stayed for two more months & broke things off two days ago. Sometimes I am a glutton of punishment & wanting to make an effort. Seeing if things do work for the best. 🙂

During this time, there were times were the relationship was great. We would have wonderful times then, other times the relationship was rocky. We are both of two different cultures. He is Persian, was not born in the U.S. and I am very Westernized being born in the U.S. ( Culture differences too.) When we first met, I asked of him to allow me my Independence.

Just two weeks ago, I had reconstructive knee surgery and he couldn’t even show up to support. Instead work was more important. As is always the case. I’ve spoken to him as, I don’t fault a man for working but some things in life, are more important. I was hurt. I would’ve been there from him had this been his surgery. Instead 4 days later he picked me up and we stayed together for 3 days. Expecting him to help; I was in crutches, brace and sometimes a wheelchair he would sleep 85% of the time. The other 10% he stayed working. If I asked for help, I felt like I was a burden.

Let’s fast forward to the past 5 days. Last Saturday, he had promised to pick me up, take me out spend time with me. Instead, wouldn’t you know.. he tm’d myself, 1 hr prior to saying, ‘ He is still working. It is too late to go out.’ That was at 8pm. Once again, I was hurt. I haven’t seen him for days nor, could drive. It was about spending quality time with each other. I had Cabin Fever as well. Plus, He hasn’t taken me out in many weeks which, he hasn’t in months due to financial hardships. (The way I look at it, if he can afford to spend his money frivolously then, you can take me out. ) Angered as I was already one foot out of the door just needing strength & instead of showing him my anger I tm’d him staying I was taking a road trip. Maybe I will come that way. It was the very first time I had driven in two weeks due to knee surgery. I arrived only to find him working and with his friends there..again. Always friends around. I am all for having company but, sometimes I want to be alone with him. Well.. he stated, ‘ he need to work on a truck.’ Mechanic he is. Again, I waited and waited and waited until 3.5 hours later he was finished. Then ALL 3 of us went to a 24 hr place for a quick bite to eat. Fuming inside, as I felt if he can afford to pay for all 3 of us to eat then, he could’ve picked me up for a date. Instead, I made it a point to spend time with him..not he.

Well, things went sour that night. We had a verbal argument over him not putting forth effort into picking me up and it turned nasty. He began screaming at me to LEAVE..I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE! He’s been alone for days prior and wanted to be alone. I kept telling & trying to validate that I loved him. Asking ‘why are you pushing me away?’ That is when in his anger, he picked up a tire iron that was close to him as I was standing across from him and he raised it. Seeing this, I yelled at him ..’ Put it down! Don’t EVER pick that up at me again.’ I could see that, it finally clicked inside of his head that, he needed to put it down and that he did. I left and we continued to argue via tm for hours later. I asked him to never pick up a Tire Iron at me again, wrong move and that his actions concern me. He stated, ‘ It was all made up in my head again.’ Typical answer for someone whom maybe has an anger or problem with abuse.

I did contact him the next day stating, We can take this as a lesson learned and learn to respect each other. Love each other. We said our apologies and Monday night I went to his place. I know.. April, glutton for punishment. I hate quitters & want to know that I’ve done everything in my power to make things right.

Well April, when we first saw each other, we kissed and his friends were there ..again. After he finished working, we went to bed. April, there hasn’t been any intimacy or Love making in over a week. None of that occurred on this night either. Which he states, ‘ he can’t think about making love now due to stress at work.’ The next day, we kissed and said our goodbyes, talk to you later.

Later on that night, I wanted to stop by. I called and he said..’ come on but, I am TIRED!” Well, an hr later while getting dressed I received a TM stating, ‘ I have to go do something be back at XX time.’ Which was 4 hrs later. I was angry but, replied, ‘ Cool, go do your thing. Maybe some other time I will come by. Be careful.’

Hmm, I recalled he was very adamant about being tired so, I called. He answered the phone, we conversed normally then I stated, ‘ You were very adamant about being tired what happened?’ HE SCREAMS AT ME..” I AM GOING TO BAIL MY EX WIFE OUT OKAY!” AND SLAMMED THE PHONE IN MY FACE! 👿

This is the last straw! Slamming the phone in someone’s face is complete disrespect. I just asked as something told me this was funny. To me, Respect is not given..it is earned. I am a woman whom knows her self value, worth and standards. Therefore, I only will allow people to treat me a certain way. I am selling myself short if, I continue to stay. I could’ve cared less if, he is going to help her out. *IT’S* his actions. This isn’t the first time he has slammed a phone in my face. The third time. Three strikes you’re out! So, with this I have officially called things off and gone my way. I am feeling empowered as I am taking back my self worth and not selling myself short. It is just difficult for me as, ‘ old habits die hard.’ I am having to sit on my hands, find something else to do in order NOT to call him!

So April, this is the end result. I knew that, I should’ve taken your advice but, I am a hard head sometimes. 😉 Any thoughts on this are always greatly appreciated. Take care!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice to you on this subject last month, still stands. I know that everybody takes advice when they’re ready to — maybe now you are. Here’s last month’s advice to you from me. It’s still good:

[quote]Cut your ties and go.

I’m sure you know that that’s what you’re supposed to do — now you have my permission.

And a little side note: DO NOT ever agree to live with someone you’ve known for two months, who you met on a dating website and about whom you have serious doubts. You’re looking for big trouble that way. Be safe — take your time, and DO NOT rush. You’re coming out of a failed marriage, so make this next relationship work by really getting to know the man and yourself and choosing someone compatible. [/quote]

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[SilverC6]

Thank You April as you’re truly a blessing. Your advice is taken and I am gone. It’s time to move on & invest in someone whom is right for me. However, I need to take time for me first. Then when I am ready, I will get back out there and try it again. Thank You as always for your keen advice on Love.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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