[mysterymami]

I’ve asked a similar question before so bare with me..
I’m Engaged to my guy..friend of 10 yrs…lover for almost 2 yrs. I found out almost two months ago that he has a now 1 yr old daughter from a fwb he was messing with a couple months before we started dating. He found out two weeks before I found out that this chick was pregnant with his child and apparently had the baby last October. Nvr said a word to him till now. Took the paternity test and she is definitely his.

My dilemma: he already has a six year old (my God-daughter) who I have accepted and loved all her little life. This new child has been harder for me to accept. I feel a lot if animosity twds him and the baby mama bc this is ruining our plans. (he recently couldn’t pay all his bills bc of child support and we are trying to plan a wedding..smh) I want kids myself very soon and I think he’s jaded even though he says he is not. I always had a no baby rule but let it slide with him bc his daughter is my God baby and it was just ONE kid. Two kids and TWO BABY MAMAS is the ghetto mess I nvr wanted to be involved in. (No offense to anyone.)
He is mad at me and thinks I should be “out of my feelings” abt this by now. I suggested counseling but he says we can go for ME bc he is coping with this fine and needs no help. He says either I’m on the train or off and I feel as though he is being very cold and not sympathetic. This is a big deal!! Any advice??

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re both right. Two step-children with two exes and two sets of financial obligations with a guy who’s not financially steady to start is not a great way for you to start out, given what you’ve said about yourself. This could be a deal breaker for you. On the other hand, he’s right to tell you to figure this out now and either be all in or all out. And I agree with him that counseling is unnecessary, and that the choice is yours. Dating a single parent, let alone marrying one, is not for everyone. Be very clear what you do and do not want, and what you are willing to commit to before you get married — or stay in this relationship.

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