[meg92]

Hi April,

I’m a 19 year old girl and there’s an extremely cute guy that’s a year older than me and has been showing intrest in me lately. I only met him a couple weeks ago but he’s always been very nice to me, and I’m starting to get a pretty big crush on him. The only problem is, I keep hearing things about how he gets hammered and hooks up with girls every weekend, which is not the kind of guy I want to be dating. I don’t drink very often, and don’t plan on having sex until I’m married. When I first heard all that stuff about him I didn’t believe it because he seems so sweet when we hang out. Today I asked him about everything I heard and he confirmed all of it, but said he’s changed and doesn’t want to be like that anymore. According to him, his dad often cheated on his mom, and when they split up, his dad would bring home a different girl every time he went out. He said his motivation for changing is that he doesn’t want to end up like his dad. He also told me he’s never cheated on a girlfriend, granted, the longest relationship he’s been in only lasted four months.

I know the player-type guys are usually very good liars, but I’m having a hard time believing he would be showing interest in me if he hadn’t changed. He’s very good looking, and has no problem getting girls (who are prettier than me) to have sex with him. Basically, I don’t see anything I have to offer to the “old him,” so I want to believe he really has changed.

I think it’s also important to mention that if he has changed, it’s not like it happened overnight. He’s been trying to get out of this lifestyle for months, and the last time he went to a party was over a month ago. Unfortunately, his reputation is going to take quite a bit longer to change.

I guess my main question is, can a guy really change these habits in a matter of months? And if so, would it still be a bad idea to take a chance on him this soon?

Any advice would help me right now, and I apologize if I didn’t do a very good job explaining the situation. After talking to him earlier today I have so many things going on in my head it’s hard to type them all out! 😮

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, people can and do change. All the time. But it takes commitment and it’s a process. His honesty and self knowledge are good signs. I can understand why he would be interested in you because have the kind of character he strives for.

Don’t worry about his reputation. Just keep figuring out if he’s someone you want to continue investing in. ANYONE you date is someone you’re going to be taking a chance on. But you’re right to try and choose someone who seems like he’s going to be a good match for you, knowing what you do know about yourself.

My advice is to go slow and keep your eyes open and keep the communication strong. If, at some point, it isn’t working for either one of you be upfront to cut your losses. On the other hand, you may be the one who inspires him to be his best self. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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