[lost-guy]

I’m 22 and work at a college. There’s a girl that goes to school there that I had eyes for. (FYI, since I’m a staff employee they don’t care who I date on campus. I’m not faculty.) Through time we saw each other a lot and we would look at each other, walk by or in front of each other to get the other to notice. We never spoke to each other. Now for the first time I liked a girl that I believed she felt the same way towards me. I know this because of the way she looked at me, no other woman ever looked at me like that before. It really meant a lot to me because I felt like a girl out there took time to acknowledge my existence. Most of the time we cross paths is in the cafeteria, where I like to take my lunch breaks. I always sit at the same table and she took notice of that. She would sit at a near by table facing me or facing in the direction where she knew I would walk by. A few days ago I finally found her sitting by herself and took advantage of it to talk to her. When I joined her and talked to her she opened her eyes as wide as they could go. She stared at me as if she saw a ghost. I told her “Instead of looking at each other we should go out so we can talk and get to know each other.” She told me she had a boyfriend but it was nice of me to ask her out. Anyway, considering the events I previously mentioned, I was disappointed. I said “nice talking to you,” in an upsetting tone without looking at her and left. I had no idea if she looked at me or said anything back. Now I don’t understand why she took time to look at me and made me believe she may have liked me when she was seeing someone. I’m thinking she set me up for this to happen. Meaning, she knew I liked her and instead of telling me she’s with someone, she made it look like she liked me just to get me to talk to her so she could break the bad news. Something just doesn’t add up, there’s something she’s not telling me. Now if she would of been single and just turned me down, I would have talked to her more and did the best I could to convince her I’m worth going on a date with, but since she said she had a boyfriend that was the end of the line, she’s not worth investing my time. Should I talk to her again to find out what’s going on? Should I tell her how I felt about her before I spoke to her and then how I felt after I spoke to her?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re focusing on the negative, and that’s just going to get you more of the same. 😥 Instead, either accept that she’s not interested in dating you and move on to find someone who is interested in dating you, or decide that since she’s not married and truly taken, you’re going to compete for her. 😉

Dating is competitive — there are lots of single men and women (especially at a university setting) — and the fact is that you only talked to her on one single occasion. I know you exchanged meaningful glances, but that’s just a first step. Talking and getting to know someone through small talk, flirtation and opening up to them are further steps that will get you further. You asked her out on that first occasion, which is fine, because someone else might have said yes, right away, but when she said no, you took it way too hard. 😕 Not everybody is going to want to date you — and you’re not going to want to date everyone who wants to date you! That’s normal. But if you want to get someone to like you, you have to basically campaign. If you’re not willing to do that, you’re going to have a different kind of dating and relationship life than if you are — in other words, you’ll have fewer options.

I hope that helps!

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