[Whatnow]

Just typing the title makes me sick to my stomach.

Allow me to explain…

There is this woman. She is 21. We’ll call her Danielle. I’m a man. Also 21. You can call me Jack. Danielle and I met three years ago at our homeschool graduation (the school program hosts a ceremony every year for it’s high school graduates). When we met, we had an instant connection. The day we met, we spent nearly 8 or 9 hours just talking. Of course, since we were from different states, we couldn’t be together in person. We had a long distance relationship that sparked so passionately, that we began talking about having a life together.

She wanted me to transfer to the college she was attending. However, there were some home complications that prevented me from making the move. That is partially an excuse because to be honest, I was nervous about making the transfer and having a real relationship with her (because I never had one before).

So I didn’t transfer. And we eventually drifted apart.

About 10 months ago she contacted me about issues with her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend now). I wanted to be there for her as a friend and help her through it. Eventually she broke up with him and shortly after, admitted her feelings towards me rekindled.

I was hesitant and scared. I told her we couldn’t be together because of the long distance and that I had been seeing someone at the time. She didn’t beg me to take her back, but she did all she could across state lines to attempt rekindling my feelings for her. I didn’t have them at the time.

After a couple of painful months of trying to start things up with me, she finally accepted my wishes. I felt awful about what I put her through. She really wanted to be with me and due to my blindness and stupidity, I kept her at arm’s length apart.

She was so torn up about it. She was so depressed by my answer that she began to lose weight. Not only did I feel like a complete jerk, I knew I was one.

It took her more months to get over me. I still cared greatly for her, so I stayed with her as a friend and talked to her on a daily basis (via texting and Facebook messaging).

Eventually she met someone from her school. The two of them hit it off well. She even visited him in his hometown after the semester ended.

His hometown is not far from where I live.

She contacted me and asked if I would like to meet up with her and her new boyfriend (who we’ll call Kyle). I thought it was weird that she wanted to see me. It had been years since we’ve seen each other and we still care greatly for one another, so I agreed to meet up with them to hang out.

I waited for them at the place we agreed to meet at. Within mere moments of her walking through the door, my feelings for her rekindled. I instantly remembered how I felt being around her when we first met and those feelings were back!

For nearly half a day we three hung out talking about school, work, hobbies, religion, politics, ect. It was fun, but so difficult at the same time. Her boyfriend is such a great guy. He and I got along greatly. If he and I went to the same school, we could have been best friends. That’s how I felt.

It was a struggle to keep my emotions buried under a smile. I loved her once and I realized I still do. The distance is what drove me away.

She even wanted to visit over last spring break, but I didn’t think it was a good idea. I was an idiot. One visit. One lunch. One hour. One minute with her was all it took for my love for her to come crushing down on me like a title wave.

This is my situation: her and I had an instant connection. Within days, we hinted at having children together. I took that all away with my unforgiving ignorance. Her new boyfriend is a great guy, but it was a gradual process for her to have feelings for him. Her feelings for him are strong, but not passionate like with me. They have been dating for a few months. They go to the same school. I go to a different one states away.

I am selfish. I want her. I miss her so much. She is always on my mind. I know I deserve this after denying her for so long.

I am in love with her. I want her to be happy.

So here is my question…

Do I stay out of her love-life, tell her how I feel or wait for the possibility of her relationship with Kyle to end before even considering telling her how I feel?

[AskApril Masini]

Think this through before acting. The bottom line is that you’re in different states and it’s very hard to have a long distance relationship. Your instincts about this the first time were correct. That said, it can be done, and there’s nothing wrong with you trying to win her over, but before you start trying, think about to what end you’re working. If you do win her over, you’re still in a long distance relationship situation and you have to be honest with yourself about whether you really want a long distance relationship with her, or if you just really want her, but aren’t willing to do a long distance relationship.

I hope that helps! Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

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