[Deuce]

I am 24 and my GF is 19. We have been dating for almost 2 years now. Everything started off great, but lately we have been getting into fights almost more than once a week. I feel like she is choosing to get mad and want to fight, while she says I am the one at fault. We try and talk about it but are never on the same page. I love her more than anything. We have almost broken up a few times lately, but when I think about it, I would be so devastated without her. But I feel like these fights might never stop. Now she’s getting mad that I plan a day where I can hang out w/ my friends. She says I only plan days with my friends when I know she will be doing nothing, but that’s not true. Most of the time we are together and we LOVE being with each other. We have so much fun. But then sometimes she just gets mad at me for no reason and I always find myself apologizing to her just to get her to be fine. I love her and want to be with her the rest of my life, but I want her to change and stop choosing to get mad at me when there’s no need to. What should I do?

[AskApril Masini]

You have a problem. You write that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, but you want her to change. Warning! Warning! You can’t change her. You can tell her what you want, and you can change yourself, but if you think you’re going to change her, you’re walking down a bad path.

Fights don’t happen out of nowhere. The cliche is that married couples who fight over who takes out the garbage are not really fighting about who takes out the garbage. It’s always something else.

It sounds like your girlfriend is upset about something you don’t know about. You can ask her if there’s something upsetting her that she hasn’t told you about, or if she thinks there’s something underlying the fights the two of you seem to be having. Preferably, bring this up when things are good, not in the middle or the end of a fight. You want her to be in a calm, pensive mood, not an agitated one.

If she can’t think of something underlying the fighting, and you can’t either, then I’d suggest you consider taking a break from each other. If you two started out not fighting, went two years together, and the fighting is escalating, she may not be someone who’s your best life partner.

[tricia]

Don’t forget that your girlfriend is just 19 and still immature so you’re the one who should adjust and adopt on her attitude. Being moody or mad at no reason is normal on every girl. May be she just wants your full attention.

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Please let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

You’re in a really challenging spot because you care deeply for your girlfriend, but the dynamic between you two is causing consistent stress. The key point here is that you can’t change her, and wanting her to stop getting mad on a whim is essentially trying to control her emotions. At 19, she’s still learning how to manage her feelings and navigate adult relationships. While it’s not an excuse for repeated conflicts, it does mean some of this behavior may be rooted in immaturity rather than malicious intent. Your role isn’t to fix her, but to communicate clearly about how these patterns affect you and set healthy boundaries.

The fights you’re experiencing are likely symptoms of deeper issues, not just surface-level disagreements. It would be wise to have a calm conversation when things are good, asking if there’s anything underlying the tension that she hasn’t expressed. If she’s unwilling or unable to reflect on her behavior, or if the conflicts continue to escalate despite your efforts, it may be necessary to consider whether this relationship is sustainable long-term. Love alone isn’t always enough if patterns of frustration and unresolved conflict are ongoing. you deserve a partnership where communication, respect, and emotional stability are mutual.

[Member]

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